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Original poster

What does gas lighting actually mean?

28 replies

ssd · 17/02/2021 10:53

I think I'm being gas lighted but I'm not sure if what I think it means actually means.

Can anyone explain or give different scenarios please

OP posts:

Original poster

ssd · 17/02/2021 10:54

If someone who has upset you fro years is flabbergasted at the fact your upset and cant understand it, is that gaslighting

OP posts:

Sideorderofchips · 17/02/2021 10:55

It means fucking with your head. Telling you you are imagining stuff you really aren't. Making you question everything.

BananaCustard85 · 17/02/2021 11:10

@ssd

If someone who has upset you fro years is flabbergasted at the fact your upset and cant understand it, is that gaslighting

If they've done or said things that have upset you or made you feel bad in any way, and then they say you're nuts/imagining things/overreacting then this could be gaslighting, yeah.

Depends if they are genuinely flabbergasted or not I guess. Could they just be stupidly insensitive?

What kind of things has this person done to upset you? If you're able to share that.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Cost of living

Moirarose2021 · 17/02/2021 11:15

My ex stole from me all the time so I used to hide my jewellery. He found it and pawned it ( I didn't know he did this) I noticed it was missing, he accused me of being unstable, forgetful etc, he retrieved some from the pawn shop, replaced it where I was initially looking for it, he "found" it while he was searching for it and told me, demanding an apology for accusing him. There were many more examples but that's the one that really got my questioning my sanity.

OhioOhioOhio · 17/02/2021 11:21

It's stopping you have a reasonable discussion to find a shared solution by picking fault in any way necessary.

PuppyMonkey · 17/02/2021 11:29

It comes from the film Gaslight where a manipulative man hides jewellery etc (like PP above) and then he blames his wife for losing things/not remembering things so she starts to believe she’s going mad.

Spoiler alert - he goes into the attic every night to try and find some Long lost treasure or something (can’t remember exactly what ha ha) he thinks is there. And every time he goes up there, wife hears banging about and notices the lights dim because he’s turned the gas light on to see what he’s doing in the attic. Hence Gaslight.

cheeseybean · 17/02/2021 11:29

It's from an old play called Gaslight where if I remember correctly the husband fiddled with the gas lighting and the lights were slowly dimming day by day. When the wife questioned it he would deny the lights were changing leading the wife to question herself and make her think she's going mad.
That's the root of it I believe

cheeseybean · 17/02/2021 11:29

Crossed post with puppy

PuppyMonkey · 17/02/2021 11:34

I can’t remember what he’s looking for, can you @cheeseybean ?
He’s married her because he wants to get his hands on this thing in her family home or something...?

Original poster

ssd · 17/02/2021 11:38

Thanks

Not sure if I'm being gas lighted, not really sure about anything just now

OP posts:

cheeseybean · 17/02/2021 11:52

@PuppyMonkey didn't he murder the woman in the apartment above? He was searching for her jewels.. ooh he was a trifling sort!

cheeseybean · 17/02/2021 11:53

Sorry for the detail there OP. Whether or not you're being gaslighted, I don't know but clearly something is amiss. Are you able/willing to leave the relationship? Speak to someone you trust irl?

BananaCustard85 · 17/02/2021 12:06

@ssd in my experience, if you suspect you are being manipulated it means you probably are.

Most of the time, when someone is behaving honestly you don't even think to question their behaviour or things they've said.

ComtesseDeSpair · 17/02/2021 12:28

Unless you also experience feeling this way with other people, and the problem is therefore potentially with you, if somebody makes you feel unsure of yourself or voiceless or as if you’re going mad, then it isn’t a good relationship or friendship. And you don’t need to “prove” that they’re doing what you think they’re doing to be able to break up with them or end contact. Not being happy and feeling you’re in a situation which isn’t positive or doesn’t benefit you are perfectly good enough reason in themselves.

Original poster

ssd · 17/02/2021 13:54

Wise words,thank you.

OP posts:

PleaseReferToMeAsBritneySpears · 17/02/2021 14:01

Are you ok OP? Do you want to talk to somebody about what's going on? Here or in real life?

Original poster

ssd · 17/02/2021 14:16

It's ok thanks

OP posts:

TheLittleOwl · 17/02/2021 14:34

My ex would tell me that I was liar that everyone knew I was a liar and they were all pretending to be my friend just like I was a fake person.

He would spend money however he saw fit and would blame me saying I'd pushed him to spend the bill money on stuff we didn't need.

He'd blame me everytime he got upset because he has to tell lies about me to pretend to people we were happy.

I could go on...

jollygreenpea · 17/02/2021 16:00

In Pimlico, London, Alice Barlow is murdered by an unknown man, who then ransacks her house, ripping her furniture apart as if desperately searching for something. The house remains empty for many years, until newlyweds Paul and Bella Mallen move in. Bella soon finds herself misplacing small objects; and, before long, Paul has her believing she is losing her sanity. B. G. Rough, a former detective involved in the original murder investigation, begins to suspect him of Alice Barlow's murder.

Paul lights the gas lamps to search the closed-off upper floors, which causes the rest of the lamps in the house to dim slightly. When Bella comments on the lights' dimming, he tells her that she is imagining things. Bella is persuaded that she is hearing noises, unaware that Paul enters the upper floors from the house next door. The sinister interpretation of the change in light levels is part of a larger pattern of deception to which Bella is subjected. Rough visits Bella and reveals that Paul is a bigamist; he is the wanted Louis Bauer, who has returned to the house to search for the rubies he was unable to find after the murder.

Original poster

ssd · 17/02/2021 20:18

Is that a true story?

OP posts:

CorianderBee · 17/02/2021 20:32

No it's the play Gaslighting was named after

CorianderBee · 17/02/2021 20:34

Does he act like he never did the things you say he did to upset you? Or that you're always telling tales to people or over exaggerating things in your mind?

Does he act and say things that make you doubt your sanity or perception?

Original poster

ssd · 17/02/2021 21:54

Sort of. But it's not dh, hes fine. It's another situation.

OP posts:

LIZS · 17/02/2021 22:08

Minimising any concerns or questions and deflecting responsibility.

Parkperson · 17/02/2021 22:42

I always give the example of a thread on MN where a poster was trying to play tricks on her MIL to maker her think she had dementia. Lots of other posters joined in with ideas to make the MIL think she was increasingly forgetful. It was horrible. When I asked if they would try and make other women think they had a terminal illness for a joke, MN deleted the thread. I think that this trickery is a prime example of gas lighting.

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