Do you see our children having kids?

[GinJeanie]

Silly question. Obviously lots of them will. My older DS (16) has always said he'd choose to have lots of dogs rather than having children. However, he turned to me this morning and said, "I'm not depressed or anything but I don't see how anyone of our generation can contemplate bringing kids into this world given climate change". He seems fine in himself so I'm not worried - tbh, I often (secretly) wonder the same, although it sounds so extreme. I have two DBs and quite a few friends who haven't had children so it doesn't seem strange at all.
However, my DM was obsessed with us producing a clutch of grandchildren and some of my friends talk of looking forward to it one day as if there's absolutely no question it'll happen. Not sure what my point is other than do you see your children questioning reproduction in a way our parents' generation may not have done?

Dd is resolute that she doesn't want children, although she is 15 so obviously may change her mind. However, she is gay, so it would not be as straightforward. I have zero yearning to be a grandmother and she is very aware that if she did have children, I would not be the kind of grandparent who was hands on and doing babysitting and demanding sleepovers.

I told everyone who’d listen I didn’t want children.

I had children.

I don’t think you can predict what people will choose to do with their lives, to be honest, or even what options they will have. I know lots of women who really wanted families who haven’t managed it.

I was probably similarly idealistic when I was younger. I remember being outraged with my mum she said - after me saying I thought I’d likely adopt rather than have my own - that she didn’t know if she’d feel the same about adopted grandchildren as biologically grandchildren. We had a row about it - the love for these imaginary children

Now I have three and absolutely couldn’t imagine my life without them. But, there does seem to be a trend of people having them a lot later or not at all. DH had four brothers, all around the 35-40 mark and were the only ones with children. Makes me a bit sad out three don’t have any cousins. He also has 15+ cousins, all a similar age but only about two have had children. At work, a tech start up where the CEO is about 40 and average age is about 30 - only about a third of us have children.

Exactly what @Stompythedinosaur said. I think fewer people will have children and those who do will have fewer children...

UNLESS something big wipes out a lot of us and they need more humans to make life as pleasant as possible for the remaining humans. Sorry, that sounds really bleak! I don't necessarily think this will happen, but you know, IF.

Interesting replies. I'm just wondering if things have shifted and those of us who are older/had children a while ago are seeing things from our own perspectives rather than our kids'... the world's so different from when we were young. Climate change (and pandemics!) would certainly make me think long and hard about reproducing if I was young now. I get the thing about biological urge though...

I know what you mean op.

But, on balance, I think if I didn't have my dcs, I'd probably still have them if I was starting now. I think the world, and more specifically, my children's place in the world, would have to be pretty terrible, before I'd think their lives weren't worth living.

Anyway though, these threads sometimes attract a certain element which exists on Mumsnet, which is made up of people who are drawn to parenting websites for all the wrong reasons, so I'll leave it there

@BallsToYouSue - your username is my new favourite! 😆

24yo DS has an anxiety disorder which manifests itself in an extreme fear of death. I’m fairly sure he would never deliberately bring a child into the world because he worries constantly about his own health/death/state of the planet.

DD is only 8 but has insisted for years that she will never have any children which I have reassured her is a valid choice and fine with me.

I have no burning desire to be a grandmother.

My daughter 14 said she doesn't want kids. She says she wouldn't want them to suffer extra bones and terrible eyesight like her. She also said she wouldn't want to do all the medical appointments and hospital visits like I've done.
Fair enough. Privately I think parenthood is overrated.

Climate change and pandemic wouldn’t even register in my “shall I have kids” pondering

Huh I have four sons aged between 33 and 39. I am the only one amongst my friends who is not a grandmother. I am resigned (sadly) to it never happening even though 3 of them are happily settled with partners.

I have 5 kids. Oldest is 30 and married. They aren't having kids because they can't, in all conscience, bring a child into a world like this.
One is 28 and autistic. He has no desire for a partner, never mind kids. 24 year old ds has no intention of having children at all.
My dd, 21, might adopt. She has no intention of bringing more children into such a screwed up world, but she would adopted some who need a home and love.
Youngest, 18, is undecided. He is autistic, too, so who knows. I might be the only mother of 5 in history not to have any grandkids.

I think the average age for a female graduate to have children is 35. So I don’t think any of these kids sound like they’re unlikely to reproduce particularly.

@5zeds - you're right, it's very important that not all young people make decisions based on the state of the World (but my guess is some will IF things become really scary in the future) - the human race would be in a mess if everyone stopped reproducing for sure... I think I heard that the birth rate has dropped during this pandemic but imagine there might be a baby boom on the horizon!

I think the fertility rate for my kids' generation (who will be in the baby-producing years in the early 2040s or so) will be about 1 child per woman on average. It's falling everywhere and I see no signs that this trend is going to be reversed any time soon. Countries like South Korea are already at less than one child per woman.

At University, my female friends were about 50:50 split on whether they wanted kids. We all have kids now we are mid 30s. The only female friend from that era I can think of without kids is the one who is married to her wife now.
Majority of male friends now dad's, or trying to conceive.

Having kids is pretty theoretical in early 20s. The desire comes as you settle down into a relationship. Some chose not to. Some can't. Some haven't found the right partner yet.

I shouldn't think that anyone who actually wants children ever closes their legs and thinks, Oooh, think of the penguins!

Biologically the drive to have kids may strengthen with age and become all consuming. But I can see being childfree by choice becoming more popular with less judgement from others.

DD (20) is adamant that she doesn't want children. She has never liked babies, and hates the noise that babies and young children make. She prefers dogs. I am ambivalent about being a grandmother. I just want her to be happy.

I think there will be a massive slowing down of the population in the West. We used to produce 5 or 6 generations each century. Now it's more like 3 as women are starting to have children in their 30s and 40s and fewer of them.

My parents have two children and were pleasantly surprised to end up with six grandchildren, as my sibling and I have three each. I always knew I wanted children.

As for my young adult DC, I can see DS1 having children, he's brilliant with them and definitely wants a family. I think DS2 will eventually as well. DS3, on the other hand, is adamant that he won't have them.

I don't mind either way, as long as they are happy.

DS (6) would like to marry a boy in order to avoid having children.

As long as they're happy I'm happy. It may not be such a bad idea to stop procreating if the current path doesnt change sharply enough (global warming, ever growing consumption, pollution, growing wealth divide etc)

No, probably not.

I think people will have less kids and a lot of people won’t have any. But I don’t think it’ll stop altogether

My generation were terrified of nuclear war and I could only get pregnant by letting an accident happen. The idea of deliberately bringing another human into the world was terrifying. But now in my dotage, I know that it was ever thus. Our media love to paint everything really black.