Thank you to those who have helped before, for others, I'll try to set it out so it makes sense without the history.
DH in hospital for over a month with cancer. We had a brief respite a few days ago when he was more lucid, but mostly he is confused and incoherent. Doctors have said he does not have capacity, although depending on when you catch him, he does seem to have some understanding of what's going on.
The cancer is terminal and he's in a lot of pain with a fracture in his back, caused by the cancer. I'm told pain relief is the main reason for the confusion, but there's also an infection.
3 weeks ago surgery for his back was considered. He was advised that it was a very risky operation because they'd have to stop his blood thinners and a clot could be fatal. At that time, he was mentally himself, they were hoping to help him with pain relief and physio and he was happy to take the advice not to go ahead. That hasn't been successful and they're now considering the op again. He's completely immobile, in a lot of pain and in a fog with the pain relief.
I've spoken to him today and he's furious that they'd even consider the op, based on the advice he had before, but it's not clear if he understands that the alternative is months of being bed bound, in pain and probably not able to return home or see anyone (no visitors in hospital) until the very end.
In his shoes, I think I'd want to take the risk for an improved quality of life for whatever time is left, but he's expressing such a strong opinion against it.
I should hear the outcome from the MDT meeting today. What do I do? Tell them no, it's absolutely not what he wants or go with the medical advice?
It's so hard trying to have these conversations with him on the phone, when he's laid on his back and mumbling between screaming in agony. I'm really unsure exactly what capacity he has.