Does anyone else get the 'Is this it?' feeling?

[Disneyblue]

I've been with my husband 12 years now, married 6. He's perfect in so many ways. He's smart, funny, a great dad, great with money, has a great job, just fabulous and I'm very lucky.
We share a beautiful 16 month old girl. We absolutely dote on her and understandably our lives are very much dictated by her.

But is it normal sometimes to sort of sit and think 'is this it now?' we are a typical married couple I'd say. We talk about money alot, will happily sit and watch TV without snogging each others faces off. We don't have sex 3 times a day (more like twice a month being honest). We're fine with this. We share alot of interests and rarely argue.

However, sometimes I miss the excitement of being in my early 20s. Dancing in a nightclub, laughing so hard it hurts, lying in until 1pm, getting so drunk you can't remember anything about the night before. That infatuation and lust you get with a new relationship.

Yes I know you can shake things up a bit. I don't need ideas for that. I just want to know if it's normal to feel like this.

I'm only 31. My life isn't over! But I'm not sure what I'm excited about now. Holidays maybe but that's it. We have no insane urge to have another child. Bigger house maybe but it doesn't excite me hugely. My job is stressful and I know going up the ladder would only make it more so. I don't have time for exciting hobbies with a little girl.
I think the only thing that excites me is taking her on holiday and just watching her grow up.

Am I alone in these feelings?

No you’re not alone - I feel like that too sometimes. I think it’s been massively exacerbated by the pandemic/lockdowns though. It feels like everything’s crap atm.

I think back to my twenties as being the most exciting times, even when my dc’s were babies it was a happy time and we seemed to do loads of stuff - even though it was tiring!
My dh is 10 years older than me and I feel like he’s “slowed down” a lot - and in turn this brings me down. He used to be quite exciting, always suggesting different things and making plans for the future. Now I feel like he’s gotten older and just kind of given up and wants his pipe and slippers in front of the tv every night! It feels like we only do anything (even just things like home improvements) when I nag about it.
I get what you’re saying!

I think I this is normal. I'm in my mid thirties. Been happily married for 8 years, have a lovely home, two small children, in a financial position to be a SAHM for as long fas I want to. I've got everything I've ever wanted in life and yet sometimes I still think 'well what next, is this it?'

I think for me, it will be actually doing something just for me once the children are older. Retraining and establishing a new career, taking up some fulfilling hobbies, getting back to seeing the world with DH.

I don't think you ever get that 'excitement' of your twenties back because that's a sort of youthful excitement, a time of discovery and risk taking. But you can still find things that excite you, the will just probably be different to the things that excited you in your twenties.

Typical sadly 😢. I feel like I have had two lives, one before I met DH, which was exciting and fabulous, and one after.
DH wonderful, really, so feeling much guilt for this.

Life is really dull at the moment though for everyone OP. Imagine being in your 20’s at the moment?

I do. Similarly, I’ve been with my husband for 12 years, married 9. He’s great. He also drives me nuts as I sometimes find him a bit ... lacklustre. He’s very content though. I’m trying to find some excitement by booking holidays and promising myself that I’ll see the world. I’ve also come off social media as I think that was exacerbating my feelings of boredom.

No, I don’t get this feeling personally speaking. I’m just 40 and have been married for 6 years; together with DH for 14. We have two little boys, 2 and 4. We’re long-term expats in Switzerland; I’m British, DH is French. We met while living/working in Asia and have seen about half the world so far, which means there’s another half left to see!
We’re renovating our Swiss chalet currently and starting an Air BnB here too as we have an apartment connected to the house.
We’re teaching the boys to ski at the weekends (we live in a ski resort).
We both have fulfilling careers (DH is a crop scientist working in biotech and I’m a medicinal chemist working in pharma). I’m passionate about women in STEM and do a lot of volunteering in this area. DH is a voluntary firefighter (fire service is voluntary in Switzerland).
Maybe we’ll leave in a few years as DH often gets contacted for jobs in far flung places; last one was Madagascar and before that Martinique (French overseas territory in the Carribean). Or maybe not, who knows!
Variety is the spice of life; I certainly feel this to be true. I’m never bored as there’s always something interesting or exciting to get on with.

I agree with you and think what you’re feeling is normal. I can’t completely relate as I don’t have children yet, but lockdown has given me a taste of what to expect. I started lockdown in my early 20s and will come out of this pandemic in my mid-20s.

I feel like my best years have now flown away, and that people will look down on me if I try to relive them! Eg by being a 24/25 year old spending lots of time with their friends or going to the club or generally living a student lifestyle when all this over. I feel like society instead expects me to settle down, buy a house, have children etc and skip over the fun. It’s sad how you only have a few magical years of being young.

@Jackie2022

It’s certainly not too late! I didn’t finish my PhD until I was 25 and that was when I felt like the fun started! I didn’t have kids for another 10 years and am very glad I spent those years traveling, partying and building my career. It starts (and stops!) whenever you say so!