Anyone live with their 18+ dc? I need a reality check and some survival tips please

[Bottl]

Ds is 18, has finished school, didn't want to go to university and is currently furloughed from his pub job. His furlough is based on the hours he was working in March when he was still technically in school so despite his hours increasing to full time over the summer/autumn his furlough payments are now minimal.
We've always rubbed along well together. He's a good kid and has rarely caused me any stress. However, I'm finding our current situation far from ideal.
He wakes around midday and then spends the afternoon/evening on his console until anywhere between midnight and 3am.
If I ask him to do a job around the house, he will do it but I am fed up of having to ask all the time. We need a plan so that he'll do things but without me having to ask.
Also, I currently pay for everything, including his mobile phone and I'm wondering at what point he should take that on. It's probably now, isn't it.
This stuff is probably obvious to most parents but I find myself constantly questioning every thing I do. My own childhood was quite dysfunctional so I don't really have the template to follow. I'd moved 250 miles away from home at 17 and I'd prefer not to end up in that situation - although, I'll be moving out if this way of living continues much longer!
Please share any 'living with an adult dc' tips!!

I've got a university student currently at home.
She's very good, and will do cooking and even cleaning without being asked, but had time in her own house last term, which helps as far as knowing about things needing to be done.

He sounds fine, but if you want him to do things spontaneously, then you need a conversation. He probably doesn't realise how often things are done-or even not notice that they are done. Dh is pretty domesticated, but I still had one or two laughs the year after we were married-for example he thought towels were washed about once a year (because they all had 2 identical towels so when one was washed the other just went straight out).

If there's only two of you, then I'd sit down with him and make a list of jobs, and how often they need doing, and ask what he would be happy to take on as his jobs. I wouldn't expect it to be 50/50, but things like one cooks, one washes up/loads the dishwasher works quite well.

Personally, if I could afford it, I would probably keep paying for the phone for the time being. However I'd mention that he will need to think about paying for it himself-possibly when he wants/needs a new one isn't a bad thought as then he can choose it with that in mind. Does he want a flashy one which is expensive, or can he live with a cheap one?

My daughter is 19 and lives here with her boyfriend while they save for a place.

They do their own food shopping, have their own fridge freezer and do their own cooking Washing and housework.

They both work full time.

They also pay rent towards the water gas and electric.

I'm happier about it than my husband.

If you have a rota for chores be prepared for him to do the chores in his own time, & not to your schedule. If he doesn't do them, what are the consequences to him? If he doesn't do them can you live with the laundry piling up or with dirty dishes in the sink?

I do the bulk of the chores here because I'd rather tidy as I go. But the understanding is that they do stuff on an ad hoc basis like stick on a wash for everyone or hoover.

The nocturnal hours used to drive me mad but I think that we all need our space, & right now this is probably an ok way to get it, especially with there not being much for them to get up early for.

I've had DS at home for 6 years, since he attempted suicide at uni twice. He is up till early hours on line - I'm happy he is talking to people. He's recovering now, and is a fab cook and running/pilates mate. Puts out bins etc. We are a bit stuck in comfort though. We need to figure out how he moves on now, without become severely ill again.

I would expect a real plan for the future. I think warning now that once pub's are open again he either needs to get more hours and pay his way or get another job.

If he does things around the house when you ask I would just keep asking. Doing stuff without being asked takes a long time to learn and will come once he is living independently. I would however make sure he is doing his own laundry.