Talk to me about gossip

[LegoFly]

Well, everyone gossips sometime, right? We complain to a friend about someone at annoying at work or moan to our partner / mum / sister about some perceived slight, it can be cathartic and put things into perspective.

But I have seen up close that some people use gossip as slander and it works amazingly. I have been victim to this myself at work. In one job, I had a great rapport with all my coworkers and managers and was on track to be given a permanent contract. I went on holiday for 2 weeks and when I came back I had lost the trust of my senior co-workers, and people treated me differently, much more reserved. I was heavily criticised for something minor (like I hadn't done the travel booking using the correct procedure, with no ill effect). People who I had considered close colleagues avoided me. It turned out that a woman who I was friendly with had raised concerns about my work and talked with all the key people I was working with and gained their trust while I lost theirs. It became so untenable that I resigned just before I was going to be given a permanent job. BTW, I've never had any dramatically negative feedback in any single job before, and this was 100% manufactured.

I have seen this sort of thing play out at the school gate as well and it is always, without exception the gossipy destroyer of reputation who comes out as the 'winner'.

How does this work? What is the psychology at play here? Why is gossiping so effective? I want to say "it's not fair" but know that's childish. But it's a bit shit though, right?

And it seems to work best if the person who is being gossiped about has barely done anything to deserve such keen and mean attention. It's all just spin.

I think that when people start that excited whisper of gossip in a slightly lowered voice and share their perceived slights with others it makes people bond and feel righteous somehow. Even if the gossip has no substance, it the act of gossiping together that bonds people together.

IDK. I have known Queen Bee women, who whilst not particularly nice, seem to have a large following. They tend to be charismatic, attractive, and maybe people would rather be inside that group, than on the outside? Generally, the nicer women I have known, have not gone out of their way to have a large 'gang'. Maybe they would rather be the bitches/gossips, than feel they would be gossiped about?

It's very unfair when that sort of thing happens. I think sometimes people don't say anything, but actually don't buy into it. But it's hard to see that if nobody comes to your defence. Generally, ime, I think those that stir up trouble for others tend to get their comeuppance later down the line.