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Relationship with my boss (not that kind of relationship!)

1 reply

totallymortified · 14/02/2021 15:08

I've always got on well with my boss, she's told me she considers me a friend, we've talked about relationship issues etc. She can be hard work, she admits this. I had a promotion recently and for a few weeks couldn't get anything right as far as she was concerned. We talked things through, she was having a rough time, we ended the chat on really good terms.
Since then she has hardly spoken to me. I can't get her to discuss any projects, I barely get a hello, she doesn't reply to messaged. She has turned all of her attention onto another colleague.
Our kids would quite often zoom together of a weekend, she won't respond to an invite on her daughter's behalf at the moment.
I just can't work out what I did (if anything) I have a tendency to blame myself for everything and always think that I am wrong but even I'm not sure it's me here. I just feel totally rejected and humiliated.
I used to love going in to work, it was a really fun place to be but at the moment I am dreading it. If I had done something I'd rather she just told me so I could sort it out!
She doesn't have many friends and she kept telling me she really valued me and then I get completely ignored.
I'm too old to be playing silly games, I'm just embarrassed that I'm being treated like this by someone I really like and admire.

OP posts:
partyatthepalace · 14/02/2021 16:01

OP this is not about you it is about her.
You’ve said you tend to blame yourself for everything so please don’t do that here.

This woman sounds very toxic, and is threatened by your promotion - blowing hot and cold on someone is a standard manipulative technique. You are a people pleaser so you’ll get a wash of warmth when you are in her good books - then when she withdraws you’ll be chasing that warmth.

She has you where she wants you. Don’t play any more. Let your daughters’ relationship fall away. Be crisp but impersonal-friendly regardless of how she is treating you. Do not rise.

Ideally move on when you can but in the meantime treat this experience as good boundary setting practice - she’ll keep trying to make your life difficult, so you’ll have to be firm when she behaves as if you are getting everything wrong.

Enlist your partner or a friends help if you can, it’s hard work learning to hold boundaries

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