If your 10/11 year old has a phone, how do you manage it?

[IndecentFeminist]

We have succumbed to allowing 10 yr old DD a SIM card in an old phone of ours so she can keep in touch with friends while we are out of school etc.

We have parent link installed through our Google accounts, and have said no social media. So far she just uses it for calls, games and WhatsApp.

It has been a novelty this week so have allowed more time on it than I would normally be comfortable with, do you give a set amount of screen time on it bar phone calls? Have programmes set up for monitoring use?

She's a young 10 in a lot of regards but sensible and grounded so I don't want to push her away with unnecessary rules etc, but am conscious that every parent thinks that of their child 😂 And I don't want to lose her into a screen addicted teenager. Lockdown has had a negative effect on her engagement with sports etc.

How do you manage this sort of thing?

We got DS a phone at Christmas before he started secondary.
We use Quostodio app, which is free for the first device and basic settings.
Three years later we still use it. The two main features are limiting total time per day and limiting times of the day it is accessible.
We have it set to 1-2 hours per day and locked until 4 pm on a school day and from 10 am to 4 pm on weekends and then again from 8pm. He doesn't really use it to communicate with friends though, just listen to podcasts, watch YouTube videos and play some games.

The thing I didn't do well enough, and wished I had done from the start was to keep the charger downstairs and make a rule that the phone stays downstairs to charge overnight. Phones in bed disrupt sleep and I think it's also the most vulnerable time of day for any online bullying or dodgy messaging, as your child is all alone.

My eldest is getting my old iPhone when he starts secondary school in September, he doesn’t need one before then. They do have tablets and aren’t allowed social media including tiktok which their friends are keen on. I have the family link app for their tablets which tells me exactly what apps they have been accessing, they have a time limit and I have to approve all apps so they know not to ask for one above Pegi 7. I also do spot checks on Roblox to make sure they’re not messaging anyone they shouldn’t be.

I’m a bit strict but I take online safety really seriously.

I check Internet history too to make sure they’re not googling anything they shouldn’t be. Oh and it’s never allowed in their bedroom at night, it charges downstairs.

My 11 year old has a phone but no social media or tik tok. She uses it for FaceTime and messaging friends. She isn't allowed to take it to her bedroom and I can check it whenever I want to. If she doesn't abide by the rules she loses the phone.

I have password to DD and can check it anytime. She uses it mainly for taking photos, or WhatsApp in lockdown. I got it cos she catches bus to school so needed something to contact her n vice versa. She is allowed it in her room but that's only because twice she's had to call for am ambulance for me at night using my phone and is still so shook up about she likes the security of having her phone if needed again.

She has no social media on her phone except WhatsApp. And I can use Google Family to monitor usage.

Only had iPod touch (wifi only) until 12 yrs old - so child was used to just using free wifi before having a phone with sim.

Until 12 always kept gadget downstairs, no walking around looking at it, only doing one bit of tech at a time, had to ask to go on it, no going on it before breakfast.

12 yrs old - got phone - bought with £30 loaded sim (1p mobile) which lasted ages (nearly a year). Child has pocket money and he knew he would have to use pocket money for any top ups. He is v careful with his usage Knows he has to look after it (no insurance). If it breaks he has to wait until bday or xmas for replacement or pay for repair. Oh and no eating or drinking nr the phone. Might sound harsh but phone privilege comes with an opportunity to learn responsibly about looking after and the cost of things.

Oh and no social media. Watches youtube, twitch, goes on apps, takes photos, texts, and calls.

www.1pmobile.com - great for kids. eg £30 top up a year and if they mostly use wifi then that should last a long time (dependent oh how much they use it away from home).

Phone kept downstairs at night, and locked from 8pm to 8am.

But the biggest thing was that we explained that it was not his phone, but a family phone that he was allowed use of, and that there should be no expectation of privacy on it.

It's a family phone but they get to borrow it to us so there's no sense of entitledness.

Family link app, three hours a day time limit but can ask for more, almost always given as usually a good reason eg phoning friends. No social media or tik tok. They are told we check it regularly. We get reports anyway. Stays downstairs to charge. Much easier to start super strictly and ease off if necessary later. Too many of my friends kids are addicted to theirs. No phones at the table or when watching TV. Must have data on when out on walks ( you can then pinpoint them and it would have saved a huge hassle when one of them lost their phone outside).