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Valentine's Day in difficult relationship
18

happytravels · 13/02/2021 11:40

My H and I do not get on. This has been going on for years. I've managed to avoid Valentine's Day for years because it's been a week day and usually one of us is away. But this time it's a chuffing Sunday - what do I do. It's only for pretence for the kids that I'm even asking.

Anyone else?

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Thewinterofdiscontent · 13/02/2021 11:47

Have a Valentines “freedom” party and tell him you want a divorce. You’re going to have to do it at some point.
Children will cope. Much better growing up in a happy environment.

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RubyFakeLips · 13/02/2021 11:50

Why don’t you just do something for you all?

Do family dinner with, I dunno a heart shaped caked for pud.

Tbh if your kids are old enough to know Valentine’s Day they will already know you don’t get on...

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hastingsandchips · 13/02/2021 11:52

Family meal? But at some point also have a proper conversation with dh about what you are going to do ie marriage counselling or trial separation etc

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Aquamarine1029 · 13/02/2021 11:55

But this time it's a chuffing Sunday - what do I do. It's only for pretence for the kids that I'm even asking.

Your children know exactly how miserable you are in your marriage. You won't be fooling anyone so don't even bother.

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LunaHeather · 13/02/2021 11:56

Just tell the DC you don't do Valentines Day. Lots of couples don't.

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AnneLovesGilbert · 13/02/2021 11:58

@Aquamarine1029

But this time it's a chuffing Sunday - what do I do. It's only for pretence for the kids that I'm even asking.

Your children know exactly how miserable you are in your marriage. You won't be fooling anyone so don't even bother.

Indeed. You’re not doing anyone a favour by staying so a show for one day won’t help.

Ignore it. Channel the hoards on here who say it’s commercial rubbish and then get a divorce.
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Hope4theBestPlan4theWorst · 13/02/2021 12:07

God why bother???
Just say to the kids oh we'll go out for a meal when places are open and leave it there

But if you're that unhappy you need to split up and do your kids, and yourself a favour

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Taikoo · 13/02/2021 12:38

Agree with above.
You are not fooling anyone - especially your kids.
They know you are not getting on.

Do everyone a favour in this time of plague and get a divorce.
You don't have to be miserable all your life.

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happytravels · 13/02/2021 12:52

I don't actually understand how this is always made to sound so simple on mumsnet. I can only imagine you either have a lot more or perhaps a lot less money than we have. I think splitting up is incredibly difficult and also very stressful for the children.

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Mrsjayy · 13/02/2021 12:58

You don't have to do anything for valentine's Day even if you think it's for. The children just say we don't "do" it and leave it at that. Your kids will know you don't get on.

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SatsumasOrClementines · 13/02/2021 13:08

I think splitting up is incredibly difficult and also very stressful for the children.

It’s the choice between:
A difficult short term followed by the freedom of the rest of your life which I hope is long and happy.
vs
Spending your whole life miserable just to avoid the road bump.

I wouldn’t want to look back at my ‘meh’ life and also have my children say “we knew you were unhappy” or worse “we grew up in a toxic environment” and known I could have changed it.

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Taikoo · 13/02/2021 14:49

Better to be spilt up rather than kids having to witness their parents being like cat and dog for another 10 years or whatever....

What's convenient and less disruptive may not necessarily be best for your children.

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Taikoo · 13/02/2021 14:50

You've said you haven't being getting on for years.
Mother of god.
Surely its time to call it a day, so.

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DinosaurDiana · 13/02/2021 14:51

We don’t do anything for Valentine’s Day. It’s just a normal day.

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DallyCrazy · 13/02/2021 14:54

Well ignoring the fact you shouldn't be together if you're that unhappy. I'm happily married and I'm doing nothing tomorrow which I don't normally do on a Sunday. We're going to ride the horses if it's not too old, walk the dogs and I'll cook dinner. Maybe a roast but that'll depend what time we get back inside.

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DallyCrazy · 13/02/2021 14:54

*cold not old

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user85963842 · 13/02/2021 14:58

Honestly if you are unhappy together your kids will know, parents always think their kids don't know, but they do. So I wouldn't do anything for their sake over Valentine's Day, it won't appear genuine.

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MinnieMountain · 13/02/2021 15:00

Go with the “it’s made up commercial nonsense” line then.

DH and I are happily married and are doing nothing (unless you count having MIL round for the day).

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