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Do I stay or do I go?

3 replies

KJ890 · 13/02/2021 00:13

We’ve been together for 4 years and have a 14 month old. We live in the house that he owns, 50 minutes away from my family. His family are close by but he literally never sees them or spends time with them. They’ve only met our child once at 5 days old. I’ve wanted to move closer to my family since finding out I was pregnant and made that clear. Even more so now that I am back to working full time and we are spending a fortune on childcare when my family would do this for free. He says he wants to move too but has never actually taken any concrete steps towards it. Last year we argued constantly because he kept insisting that it wasn’t the right time to move because of COVID (even though the housing market was booming and stamp duty relief) I agreed to wait until the new year, now he’s saying that it’s not the right time because of the ‘potential’ for a housing market crash and that maybe next year we can think about moving. I’d also like to get married- we’ve always said this is what we wanted. Now he says it would be crazy for us to get married before buying a house as we’ve been arguing about it- so I have to wait for that too.

It really feels as though he’s making all the excuses just to avoid making any real commitment to me and our child. He is a good dad, our child was unplanned but not unwanted. I’ve thought about leaving so many times as it's really starting to make me unhappy but, as a child of divorce myself, I’ve always said I wanted my children to have both parents together.

Am I being crazy here? Just looking for some objective thoughts really.

OP posts:
Notgoingonholiday · 13/02/2021 00:18

Really hard on all relationships because of the situation at the minute. It's doesn't sound fantastic though, and I would a hundred percent say that as a child of parents who divorced when I was about 20, I would have been a million times happier if they had done it when I was 5 or even younger... before I started to witness and realise the unhappiness. My point being that separated parents are better than unhappy ones.

Divorcethediv · 13/02/2021 00:20

Unfortunately, it’s seems that now he’s got a child with you, he won’t fully commit.
Serious conversation, say say you need to be nearer to family, not more putting off. Tell him you don’t need to spend a fortune on a wedding. In your position, with him owning the house and clearly calling the shots, you need security

TheChip · 13/02/2021 00:22

Sounds like he's moving the goalposts constantly. It could be due to the current shitshow we are in, or it could be that he is just going to keep moving the goalposts.

So its either be patient and accept that maybe now isn't the best time, or make the decision to move forward as you both had planned, with or without him.

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