Crippling Health Anxiety

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For the past couple of years I have been suffering from severe health anxiety. I am constantly panicking that I have some form of cancer. Any twinge, ache, lump, mark, spot or mole will have me spiralling into a massive panic attack. I have been backwards and forwards to the doctors time and time again, had various exams, tests, scans etc that have all come back ok but I still can't stop obsessing about something being wrong. I google and spend ages checking myself in the mirror over and over again and if I find anything suspicious I convince myself that it must be something horrendous.

I am so angry and depressed that this has taken over my life. I am married and have 3 wonderful kids, I should be happy and enjoying my life but I am completely consumed by fear.

Got back to where this started and try and work out what it is was that made you scared....it may not be your health at all..

What help have you had for the anxiety?

I've not done anything for it. I wasn't keen on medication but feel maybe only option as it is starting to ruin my life.

I feel like a burden on my family. I'm constantly crying thinking I'm ill, it causes chest pains and palpitations.

Op you need to speak to your doctor, this is classic hypochondria. You can get help and don’t need to live this way.

@Bearnecessity

Got back to where this started and try and work out what it is was that made you scared....it may not be your health at all..

What do you mean

Will tablets actually work? Right not I can't see anything working

It doesn’t necessarily need medication. Speak to your GP about the anxiety. There are lots of ways to help this. But you need professional help to get better. Good luck OP.

I hear you OP. I actually have a thread running right now about my anxiety spiralling because of a health concern. I don't usually call it health anxiety, just general anxiety. Is health your main trigger?

I'm not going to attempt advice, because I'm the same, so just wanted to say that I understand. It's really not nice.

@Wolfiefan thank you, I might build the courage to call GP tomorrow.

@Malbecky I've always suffered with anxiety, but for the past few months it's health anxiety. Last night I had a full panic attack, I was shaking, pacing up and down, I was scared. I couldn't control myself. for you also suffering x

Sounds like you and I had a very similar evening

I really admire people who don't feel like this. It would be an absolute dream actually to not always fear the worst. It's exhausting.

How does your DP respond to your anxiety attacks?

@Malbecky I know I was speaking to a friend the other day and I was just thinking to myself, I wish I was normal like her and didn't have this worry hanging over me.

DH doesn't really understand, he does try but it must be frustrating for him how is your DP

While I'm not glad others suffer too,it's nice to know I'm not alone

I feel for you. It really is draining.

I'm exactly the same as you have described!

I know exactly where mine began. It was when I took my firstborn to see a Speech Therapist at two years old. I'd convinced myself she would tell me everything was fine and I was worrying about nothing.
She didn't! She said she was "very concerned" and referred him to a paediatrician.

That was 19 years ago (he's now 21 and never spoken a word in his life).

Since then my health anxiety has been horrendous!
Not so much that I panic about myself, but definitely my three younger children! It's terrifying!

I mean there was a time where this was not the case (I assume) and something changed, track it back...it may simply be out of hand health worries brought on by old age and covid times. Or there could have been something that caused this shift.....an experience.....or concerns of leaving your children could be anything....

CBT can be helpful for this op, speak to your doctor and see if you can be referred, or you may be able to self-refer online

I hear you, I get it as well. It's exhausting.

The best way forward is to begin to create strategies to manage it. And trying to understand where it comes from.

For me and this is just a personal observation as it's different for everyone the health anxiety is a manifestation of a deeper and more general feeling of low self-worth. When I was little I was often yelled at by parents and teachers and I developed a paranoia about 'getting it wrong' in general terms. I find myself double- and triple-checking everything in everyday life. I also had a mother whose default emotional position was 'the world is a dangerous place'. Around my mid 30s this somehow transferred to health stuff -- what if I've mistaken this utterly ordinary thing for a terrible disease? is basically the thought process.

Over the last five or six years I've diagnosed myself with bowel cancer, heart failure, a brain tumour, schizophrenia, kidney cancer, mouth cancer, and goodness knows how many others.

Importantly as a diagnostician I have a zero percent success rate and despite my terrible predictions here I still am, buggering on. I'm a bit fat and I've got IBS and that's it.

With me it's definitely triggered by feelings of low self-worth. This year has been especially difficult because being locked away I feel completely invisible. And yes worthless. So naturally I obsess over focus on those little bodily tweaks and twinges more than I otherwise would. It's almost like subconsciously I think I 'deserve' to get ill because my self-worth is so low.

However, I do try to tackle it. Being aware of the fact that when I'm worrying about health, I'm actually replaying aspects of the way I was treated as a child can be very helpful in taking some of the sting out of the worry.

The other thing is that Google (and other search engines) simply make things 100x worse. So I highly recommend never Googling anything health related! Google prioritises things that it thinks people will want to click on ('cos that's how it makes money). People tend to click on frightening-sounding pages about serious illness and so bibbety-bobbety-boop! Google ranks these kinds of pages higher. This can lead us to think that what is actually quite a rare illness is more likely, because Google's just listed it as the top of a search. But actually all it means is that lots of other worried people have already clicked on the link and read that article.

Having a chat with your GP is definitely a good plan. They won't automatically put you on medication but it might be an option if you and the GP decide to go that way together.

I can also recommend a book called Overcoming Health Anxiety in addition to any strategy you decide upon with your doctor.

@Bearnecessity

I mean there was a time where this was not the case (I assume) and something changed, track it back...it may simply be out of hand health worries brought on by old age and covid times. Or there could have been something that caused this shift.....an experience.....or concerns of leaving your children could be anything....

I agree with this poster - there is usually something that causes anxiety, which gets worse and worse as time goes by. Everyone has anxiety, but it should only come into play when needed (standing at the edge of a cliff, your head screams STAND BACK, walking home alone late at night you’re on high alert etc). What is the early cause of anxiety might not even have anything to do with why you’re anxious now.

I have generalised anxiety disorder- the experience that was my first episode of anxiety (aka panic/fear) was when I was 2.5 in a swimming pool. As my therapist termed it “that was the pebble” and the ripple spread and affected every part of my life. It took a good deal of work to get to the stage of identifying this - it was always just a mildly amusing and slightly odd phobia (the grids in swimming pools)

I’ve also had health anxiety - most notably after my uncle died of pancreatic cancer, and when my friend died of ovarian cancer.

The good news is - there is absolutely stuff you can do about it, and you don’t have to go on medication.

For some immediate relief when you’re spiralling - watch this video and practice it daily, I have found it helps massively:

I also find throwing my hands up and shouting STOP in my head really loudly when I start “what iffing” or catastrophising helps.

Longer term, you may be able to self refer for therapy in your area, or if you can afford it, pay privately (this was more affordable than I imagined, we are not well off by any means)

There are lots of different types of therapy, I’ve had CBT, EMDR and IEMT - I personally found the IEMT most effective but it will differ from person to person. I had my latest therapy (IEMT) via zoom.

Your brain is constantly in anxiety mode and working a million miles an hour, but the amazing thing is the plasticity of the brain- this is how you are at the moment, but you can learn how to wind that back and re-train how your brain is.

Good luck OP - you don’t have to live like this . I’ve had some periods recently (of a day or so) when I’m. It experiencing anxiety, not having to actively manage it (which is exhausting in itself) and I realise this is how people usually feel - it’s magical.

I think it can be really tough on our DPs. They obviously want to help, but maybe don't know how.

My DP is really good actually and has really tried to learn how to help. I.e, not saying things like 'just stop worrying' I mean, they did used to say things like that but has definitely become much more mindful and educated on anxiety disorders recently.

Op this link might help you. It seems to detail the symptoms you describe and also the treatment and support available.

centerforanxietydisorders.com/hypochondriac-signs/

And here is the nhs one,

www.nhs.uk/conditions/health-anxiety/

It’s so draining OP you have my full sympathy, CBT can help. I’m not cured but generally I’m ok, I was a panic attack mess last March when the pandemic started but not so much now.

Also here is a more scientific detailed one.

www.cochranelibrary.com/cdsr/doi/10.1002/14651858.CD006520/full

Good luck 💐

You need professional help to do with this. Don't be afraid to reach out.

My DH has worsening HA, and I'm hanging on by my fingertips.

If you can't do it for you, do it for your DH and your DC.

This was me 7 years ago OP. I actually think its quite common for women who have young children because when I confessed to some of my closest friends how I was feeling they admitted they had times when they had felt the same. I do think that it's not uncommon to develop an absolute fear of dying and leaving small children behind.
It ruled my life for nearly a year. It occupied all of my thoughts for nearly every minute of every day. Looking back I was really quite unwell but it was anxiety that was the problem not cancer.

I had cognitive behavioural therapy for 5 months and with the help of my therapist, amazing husband, a very understanding and sympathetic consultant gastroenterologist who had me sobbing in a heap in his consulting room (it was he who referred me for CBT) I eventually managed to control my fears.
It's a long process but entirely possible.

My tips would be:
Stop googling symptoms - just stop. You need to make a pact with yourself that you won't do it. If you have a reasonable health concern discuss it with your doctor but stay away from google! It feeds the anxiety and makes everything ten times worse.

Exercise- run, walk, fresh air everyday. Yoga or meditation for at least 15 minutes a day if you can.

Have an honest discussion with your GP and tell them what your fears are. You have insight into your anxiety, this is the first step to getting the support you need.

I still have periods where my anxiety comes flooding back every now and then but I am so much better at managing it now. I have had a couple of quite serious health scares since then and gave surprise my myself by actually reacting quite calmly and not falling apart like i thought I would.

I wish you well - it's a horrible way to live. I totally sympathise. You do really need fo reach out and get the right help and support though

Hi all I also have massive health anxiety for the last 4 years its crippling me mentally and taking a toll on my life im 31 a bit over weight and I smoke I can go months without anything then poof anxiety rides up again takes me weeks to get back to some sort of normality I have a 2 year old aswell this all started when I lost my mum she was only 49 heart related which wasn't picked up on now I'm constantly checking my pulse my breathing 02 levels its becoming ridiculous my partner has had enough of it and tells me I'm crazy I just want to go back to the old me not this person who I dont even know any more

In all honesty, and I know this may not be helpful, but just a randoms experience.

I have been a little anxious about cancer, as it has run in the female side of my family.

A few years ago, I ended up in hospital on a random day out the blue for three weeks, and came out with a query over what was wrong, and then got diagnosed with an extremely rare condition.

It was awful, if you'd said what's the worst imaginable scenario, that would have been mine.

But here's the thing, I coped. Over time I realised I am way stronger than I thought.

I learned

1. When someone gets a diagnosis a whole system and plan kicks in which is reassuring because experts are 'doing the worrying for you' in terms of figuring out the treatment plan and working towards the best outcomes.
2. Even if I couldn't do x anymore, I can still do y. It actually doesn't matter how 'big' our goals are, what matters is that we have a 'next step', a small goal to work towards
3. Its not the end until its the end, and when it is the end it doesn't matter because there is nothing you can do about it

So instead of thinking what could go wrong, what about saying if x happened, I would cope. Then try and focus on the positives!

You are stronger than you think op.