How do you help your mental health?

[Fjmb]

Over the past few months my mental health has slowly declined. It’s at the point now where I’m a constant ball of anxiety. I have no motivation to do anything, I feel physically unwell constantly, I’m over thinking and worrying about things that haven’t even happened yet (or things that anybody else wouldn’t even give a second thought). I’m so miserable and negative all of the time, nothing brings me joy anymore and I’m just going through the motions with everything. I struggle to eat or sleep properly. I’m making people around me miserable (work and home) .

What do others do to help themselves? I spoke to my dr a few weeks ago and he prescribed something to help with sleep but after reading up on it I think I need to wait until I have some time off work to start taking it because I’m scared that I’ll have side effects that will mean I can’t function for work (side effects can be even more anxious/sleeping more/feeling spaced out) I’ve scared myself out of taking it by reading these horror stories.

I just can’t go on like this anymore.

I need strategies on how to just switch off but still be able to fulfil my commitments both at work and home. Small things are irritating me and I end up retaliating or telling the other person how I feel (not good as it’s usually very negative). I need to be able to go to work and get on with my work quietly without upsetting the Apple cart for the next few months. I think that’s one of the major things I need to do to get through the next few months. How can I do this?

I take valerian, to help me sleep. As and when, not daily. It's way better than sleeping tablets, for me, and not habit forming. Takes the edge off anxiety too, again, I use it as and when. Doesn't make me massively drowsy, either, but it's worth trying it out on a night when you don't have work or driving the next day, just in case it works differently for you. I also use ginseng, for a few weeks at a time, when I'm feeling less energetic or lethargic: seems to work for me, but it takes a few weeks to properly kick in. Research them, if you're interested: you could be on other medication that interferes with them, etc, or have a medical condition which might influence your usage.

The rest of it, for me, is all about 'self-talk' and 'image management'. If you know spilling your guts will make you look and feel weak afterwards: don't do it. Make sure other people see the 'you' you want them to see. If you don't tell people what goes on in your head, they'll never know. And, as for self-talk: when I'm feeling low, instead of over-thinking it, I work out why. Usually, for me, it's not depression I'm feeling, but tiredness. Or if I'm feeling fat, or stupid, or too ugly to leave the house, I give myself a quick talking to. I tell myself that I'm not that fat, nobody cares, I'm not so ugly, or so dumb, etc. I try to nip it in the bud rather than dwell on things or allow myself to start 'looking' for reasons to hate on myself.

I also meditate. Not chanting, or visualising, or using apps or any of that bollocks, but proper 'not-thinking' meditation. Just sit, quietly, for five minutes, and try not to think about anything. Nothing at all. It's only five minutes, it won't interfere with your life, taking five minutes for yourself.

Focus on breathing in, and breathing out, slowly, and deeply, and that's it. Set an alarm on your phone, and just practise it, every day. It's hard work in the beginning, and at first you'll notice that your head is crammed with shit and you just can't stop thinking all kinds of bollocks, but, keep trying, and eventually you'll get to the stage when you'll be able to do it anytime, anywhere, and it's useful to be able to put your head into that 'empty' place. Anger, fear, guilt, stress, let it go. Try it. It's great. Works for me, at least.

Hope you find a solution in some of that x

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond.

Lots of what you’ve said really does make sense - particularly feeling weak and only letting people see the me that I want them to!

I’m not on any medication and have no other known health issues so I will also look into valerian. I feel like I need something just to take the edge of things before I can even start to do anything positive about it.

Regular exercise helps.
Yoga with Adriane is free.

I actually need booked personal sessions to keep me doing it but you might have better willpower than me.

I have a fox planner which works on balancing out your life, with lots of goals you track.
So currently I have water drinking, 30 mins housework and daily yoga as goals.
Alongside time for a hobby.

What did you enjoy when you were in a better space?
Can you do some basic meal planning, even it is something like hello fresh to make sure you are eating ok.

There are several apps for meditation. I have headspace and really like their sleep casts. I used to take melatonin sometimes to get to sleep but since listening to sleep casts I haven't needed to.

Don't be harsh on yourself the last year has been very difficult and abnormal.

The best advice that I have to share is to simply stop this king as much as possible for a while and simply be too busy to think while your brain repairs itself. I kept waking in the night and worrying, I made myself stop thinking. I bought a book that I was really excited to read and each time my brain 'wanted' to be negative I read instead. I found my brain got used to being negative and it has taken me a while to start working in a positive way. There's some excellent advice on this thread, thanks for starting it.

I don’t have any hobbies and didn’t really have any even before Covid so I can’t blame that. I’m constantly just treading water with home/work to get through that there’s never time (or is that an excuse I’m making?) I’d probably have more time right now if I had a routine for myself with everything else. I’m not sure what I even enjoy doing anymore.

I do need to exercise. I’ve not even made use of the ‘daily walk’ everyone else seems to be doing, again there’s the complete lack of motivation, I have no one to go with and there always seems to be something else that I should be doing instead.

Take some time to do something you enjoy, looking after yourself should be top of your list of things you need to do.
My therapist gave me a long cringey list of things, but it is helpful. I like listening to music and crochet.
One really big thing to remember is the massive effect your thoughts have on your feelings. If you think negative thoughts you will feel bad, the good thing is it works the other way and you can learn to control it.
Recognising the negative thoughts and steering your brain away is the best thing I learned from CBT.

Do you take Vitamin D supplements? They make a huge difference to my anxiety levels and everyone is recommended to take them at this time of year anyway.

Also go to sleep listening to guided meditation on YouTube. The Mindful Movement and Jason Stephenson are good ones. It makes such a difference to my mood the next day.

Exercise and fresh air are so good too. Sometimes I can't bring myself to go out and the poor dogs don't even get walked, but I usually force myself, even if it's just to the end of the road and back. Even if you set aside just 10 minutes for it you'll feel so much better (I've just realised I could be out walking the dogs before work now rather than mumsnetting..!)

Getting outside and moving everyday, even if just a brisk 20 min walk.

If you can afford it - a private therapist gave me the opportunity just to say everything and anything out loud and feel like my feelings were valid and it felt like a lifted weight. I saw her weekly for about 6 months.

Meet all your bodily needs first. Water, healthy food, exercise, fresh air, rest. Pretend you are your own pet!

Knitting is my go-to relaxation habit. It's really soothing, you can do it anytime and anywhere. Knowing the thing you're making might turn out badly and it doesn't matter at all is also refreshing.

I don’t take vitamin d regularly but I have some of the spray one, I will start using that. That’s something I can do right now to make me feel like I can have some control over this.

I have to go to work very soon and I’m sitting here not even dressed yet with palpitations.

I will definitely come back tonight and read everything properly and make a list of things that I can do. Unfortunately, I can’t afford any private therapy right now but I do think that would be of huge benefit to me.

@Hoplop

Getting outside and moving everyday, even if just a brisk 20 min walk.

If you can afford it - a private therapist gave me the opportunity just to say everything and anything out loud and feel like my feelings were valid and it felt like a lifted weight. I saw her weekly for about 6 months.

Just to say I received CBT by self referring through my local nhs iapts. If I could afford it I would go every week! Its so useful to talk to someone totally neutral.

As well as vitamin D, I highly recommend taking a magnesium supplement. Almost all of us are deficient. I take 500mg of magnesium glycinate every day. It's very calming and great for sleep too.

I find lists help, when I've completed the 'task' however small I like crossing it off the list.

I have one task everyday on my list, nothing too difficult. It might be something such as 'do a 10 min yoga youtube video' or 'walk outside'.

I like to write the list up on Sunday for the next week. This way I'm not thinking of some random thing to do each day.

It's only small but I feel I'm accomplishing something each day.

Music helps me massively. Headphones in, tell everyone to fuck off (in your head) and just put some washing away or wash the dishes for 5 minutes. It's not a miracle cure but it helps me to calm down when I'm feeling anxious or at the end of my tether.

Or a hot shower and a cry.

Exercise is good but it's just motivation when you feel rubbish. You never regret a workout though. There are 10 minute hiit workouts on you tube that are over before you've started.

Hope you're ok x

Listen to 'Feel better, live more' podcasts whilst walking on a treadmill / going for a walk outside.

Meditate using the Calm app every night for 10-15 minutes before bed.

Eat healthy and avoid alcohol.

I've been reading this really interesting book by BJ Fogg called 'Tiny habits' - he suggests you brainstorm all the things you think you could do to feel better, and then rate them as to 'Yes, I can do this' and 'No I couldn't do this' (by ability) and then also by how easy they are to do 'this requires a lot of effort' vs 'this requires very little effort'.

For all the things you've said you could do and requires little effort.... I'd focus on them. So, would it be worth thinking about the tiny, small changes you could do and start there?

@Fjmb
How are you getting on today?