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How are you supporting your childs mental health right now?

7 replies

Ohdoleavemealone · 07/02/2021 17:42

Ds is 8 and possibly ADHD.
Pre-covid he happily attended school, plus afterschool club. We went to the gym 3-4 times a week and he saw his grandma (mil) and greatgrandmother (gmil) at least once a week. My parents once a month as they are further away.
Since COVID we have done very little. exercise is limited to walks or a short scooter ride. Entertainment is toys or screens and we have seen family once or twice on both sides. DS has been getting steadily more angry and frustrated with everything. He is arguing with every decision we make and clearly is struggling with the lack of control over his life. Then, 3 weeks ago, GMiL passed away. He has been devastated and is not the child I had a year ago.
I don't know what to do. We let him see MIL this weekend for the first time since October and he was delighted but within hours of returning home is the same frustrated little boy he was yesterday.
I am planning on massively increasing the exercise, even if it means breaking the rule of one walk a day.
How else can I help him? What is working for your kids?

OP posts:
nicknamehelp · 07/02/2021 18:26

Daily exercise really helps as also means they need to get dressed my DC spent a week just slobbing early Jan till I said come on time for a daily walk, try to vary route or even that becomes like ground hog day. 3 meals a day making sure as healthy as they will eat. Encouraging creativity. Keeping calm with them and just being there.

Needallthesleep · 07/02/2021 18:28

Wow that sounds tough.

Yes yes to the exercise. Even when the weather is how it is today we aim to spend the majority of the day outside. This has made a massive difference to by DD.

We ask her every evening ‘what has made you happy today?’ As a way of getting her to recognise the small things that have made her happy.

We also use child’s guided meditation on Spotify.

Mine is a little younger than yours, but if she was older we would look at a child’s journal, I think Fearne Cotton has released one that looks good.

Sending hugs. Sounds like you are being a brilliant mum.

Ohdoleavemealone · 07/02/2021 18:43

Thanks ladies.

I would like to cut screen time too as I don't think this helps but with so little to do as a replacement, I am not sure how helpful this will be.

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UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 07/02/2021 18:49

A routine Monday to Friday of getting up on time, dressed, breakfast, sticking to a timetable of homeschooling including breaks, reasonable lunch including fruit or vegetables, finish with homeschooling at aset time even if not everything is done.

Outside every day no matter what the weather, for at least a full hour.

Family dinner around the table.

Screen time limits but we're pretty generous around other activities - set in stone is no individual screens after 7pm (no switch, no phones for teens unless they have a readon, but tbh my teens are absolutely fine with no phones after 7pm and my 9 year old doesn't have a phone), no PC gaming, no consoles but family TV together is fine.

Set in stone school night bedtime, read aloud to younger ones then they read if they want. Later, slightly more flexible weekend routine but still always dressed before lunch, always an hour outside, always family dinner at the table.

Chores - sounds counter intuitive but you need something to rebel against and something to be glad to have got over with and a contrast to appreciate - ours do the dishwasher and bins on rotation and put away their own laundry, and are responsible for all guinepig care including cleaning out (with prompting if necessary but no physical help).

I think mine are helped by having one another, even if they squabble a bit that's also normal social interaction, and they do overall mostly get on. They're also helped by the fact they've always lived in the middle of nowhere and been mostly responsible for entertaining themselves. We saw their grandparents (in laws) a lot until MIL died 4 years ago but sadly without MIL FIL isn't that interested and they'd got used to rarely seeing him, and we only see my parents once per year as we live a flight away. So not much to miss...

The most important thing is to acknowledge any down or angry or frustrated feelings as real and vslid but not indulge too much and remind them that in objective reality things are not that bad - being bored isn't so terrible, and its not forever.

The worst thing to do is indulge in catastrophising - they take most of their cues from their parents.

In all honesty lockdown isn't that different to how my childhood was in long school holidays until I was in my mid teens when I could get about more on my own. A bit dull. Make your own entertainment. Go for bike rides. Write letters (I had to ask to use the landline and my mum listened in, so my friends and I wrote to one another...)

Mine are mostly pretty content tbh, though occassionally one has a blip, and we listen, sympathise but if they get into a spiral of working themselves up become a bit no nonsense and remind them its temporary and the same for everyone and really just being bored in a warm, dry house full of toys and books and tech and cosy places to sit isn't as bad as what a lot of people have to deal with.

domesticslattern · 07/02/2021 18:59

I am sorry about the loss of DGMIL. Flowers
Where do you live? If you are in England there is no rule of one walk a day. Confused It's important to know your rights. You have every right to be outside of your home exercising and I think you are absolutely right to massively increase it.

Ohdoleavemealone · 07/02/2021 19:02

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme Thanks for your reply.
We already do most of that to be honest.
School do live sessions so he has school structure and gets up, dressed, breakfast before starting school.
We go out everyday despite them arguing about it everytime.
We have dinner round the table and he does one chore a day.
HAs his sister to play and argue with and goes to bed at a set time every night, is allowed to read and then goes to sleep.

Could do with improving his diet but it is a losing battle right now.
I think the monotomy of the days are part of the problem. We have nothing to look forward to. It is groundhog day!

OP posts:
starpatch · 07/02/2021 19:06

Honestly I would ask school if they would take him , due to the ADHD and the bereavement.

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