When I think back to our “ old life”, I can’t believe how we used to live. We were in a much bigger house ( 4 bedrooms, one of which was en-suite, big lounge, lovely kitchen, separate dining room, downstairs loo, beautifully fitted out family bathroom) but there were huge money worries which caused DH to emotionally & verbally abuse me. DD suffered too as a result of his behaviour & with hindsight, I probably should have left even if it was only temporarily. I tried to get DH to go to Relate for several years as we had problems from the beginning of our marriage but he always refused because of the cost. At times I have no idea how I functioned. I found strength I didn’t know I had.
Fast forward to the present & things are 100% better. We downsized 3 years ago & paid off our mortgage. We are having family therapy which has made a massive difference, both with how we parent DD & how we communicate as a couple. A lot of stuff from the past has been dealt with too, although I feel I need more counselling to let go of the anger & resentment ( I am angry with myself too for putting up with as much as I did). DH always sees things differently to me & doesn’t seem to realise the effect his behaviour had on me & DD. Despite what happened, I love him more now than when I married him nearly 19 years ago. He’s a good person who behaved badly & he’s now proving every day that he’s turned things around & can be a great husband & father.He’s been my absolute rock during lockdown & he makes me laugh every day. Of course we have our moments & piss each other off etc but now we discuss problems like adults & we have never been closer. DD12 can be extremely challenging but as we are “ singing from the same hymn sheet”, we are handling everything she throws at us much better & can see that she’s benefiting from that too.