Why are false people so popular?

[Notfalsenotpopular]

I've started watching House of Cards on Netflix and so many of the main characters are duplicitous and unlikeable. It got me thinking about people in everyday life in general. The sort of people who (pre-covid) would greet someone with a hug and kiss and be all over them while slagging them off behind their back. People who can't do enough for you while you are useful to them but drop you like a ton of bricks when they find someone they think is more useful.

I never learned to play these games. I treat everyone the same (close friends and family excepted of course). I'm probably on the spectrum - I score highly on the online tests - but not diagnosed. Maybe this is why I can't be bothered with or unable to play these games. When people have shown their true colours I'm always civil with them afterwards, while others see what I see and are all over them, greeting with hugs and kisses as if nothing has happened, even when they've been upset by the other person.

Has it always been this way or is it getting more common? Am I just unusual that I don't behave in this way?

@lljkk maybe I should have worded the title differently and used fawned over rather than popular. I'm sure raspberry beret boy (my earworm for this evening) is perfectly lovely but it's the ones who are blatantly false and two faced who get people fawning over them that I don't get.

FatCatThinCat I have done exactly the same with my family. It's probably why we can spot this behaviour at 20 paces.

Notfalsenotpopular I think a lot of people are scared of them and want to stay in with them and feel a part of something then be on the outside. What they don't know is it is very liberating once you step back.

BangingBetty I agree. I think I prefer being on the outside.

I was best friends with this girl for over 10 years but slowly kept seeing her manipulate others, only show herself as being perfect, judge others and bitch behind their backs, or she would stir it up but then back off so she wasn't blamed. I ended up leaving that friendship group and although I lost touch with most of them in that group, I don't regret it now as I was always worrying about doing the right thing and if people were talking about me etc.
I much prefer a few close friends and then acquaintances and I know what to look out for now.. But I think others enjoy the drama so that's why they remain friends with these sort of people and they seem to handle the bitching well, where as I can't handle that. But interestingly I also think I could be on the spectrum too (although never make that on quiz's but I score lower on the social side of things and my son is diagnosed as Autistic)

I call it the mean girl phenomenon @Notfalse
As far as I can see the nicer and more genuine you are the more you are taken advantage off but be mean and underhand and people fall over themselves for you.

OP your own reasoning is your answer "I can't be bothered with or unable to play these games. When people have shown their true colours I'm always civil with them afterwards*

If you look at the wonderful cheeky fucker (CF) threads going on in AIBU - riveting reading, but bar 4/5 posters not one of the CFs got their comeuppance. It is shocking what people let others get away with for fear of not being seen as a 'nice person'. Or taking the higher ground. There is a higher ground in life, but not when someone is out and out using and abusing people. Passivity changes nothing. People need to stand up for themselves more.

@FatCatThinCat I hope he got his comeuppance.

Your thread rings so true with me OP, including right down to suspecting I am on the spectrum but no diagnosis (my son is diagnosed and the consultant remarked that I showed a lot of traits!)

People tend to be blinded by charisma. I can sort of see how and why it's attractive but I also see how many charismatic people are actually selfish and nasty. It baffles me how others don't see it or are willing to ignore/forgive it. I guess charisma gives people a social currency because they are entertaining and funny plus the thing of people enjoying the reflected glory of being associated with a popular person which perpetuates the cycle.

I think I'm a nice person: kind, caring and honest. But a lot of people really don't like me (unless they get to know me well - I have a handful if really good friends) because I'm quiet and socially awkward. Yet I see the charismatic types making "witty" comments that have people in stitches despite being really cutting and hurtful, taking from people without giving back, rising the career ladder despite foisting all the hard work onto others. And they get away with it!

Think you have just discribed me OP...I am totally false. Well not to totally false but mainly. I will explain...I am the life and soul of the party,I walk into a room and make people feel good on purpose,No mayyer how i \feel or what is going on with me in my little world I switch it on and perform.everyone likes me they say.However no one knows me and the reason for that is I dont want them to.I can be all things to all people when ever really easily but I am not bitchy and i dont talk about people behind their backs ever.I dont do this cos to be frank with you I just dont care enough.I am really selfish.I love and adore my family and we have a very honest respectful loving relationship with each other and it is totally genuine however with work colleagues,friends randomers I just dont care,I dont care enough to listen to their money worries,who is sleeping with who,who is pulling down and destroying who,whos fat who isnt where they are going on holiday and what their kids are up to,,its not my problem and most of their problems occur of their own making anyway so I do not get involved.I am in fact really private and with immediate family they know me inside out but i dont ever talk about my personal life or my private business,its not on the table for discussion,I dont tell them unless I want them to know. My aquaintances would tell you I am loaded with no money problems,I have a solid marriage,my kids are amazing and I am the happiest person they ever knew,I never have any problems and live the life of Riley,because thats what they choose to see and I dont correct them.its non of their business.I find it distasteful how they are all doom and gloom in their lives,some seem to thrive on misery,they label their kids,they are always skint they hate their husband ,,ugh its all white noise to me after a while,I have problems too but i deal with them discreetly,I dont care what xx neighbours are doing either,not my business! So I refuse to engage with drama,,,I walk into a room and sparkle,be funny,be happy.Totally false and regardless of what is happening I act it out.They have no clue and I dont want them to ,I dont value their advice or opinions I have my life sussed and i like to rely on me,It is I suppose like a suit of armour if you like,it keeps me sane,Oh god I sound so horrible and cold.Really I am not but i just value whats important to me and i love feircly my family and I hold dear and protect them and cherish them but everyone else ...well I just arent interested really,

I think they just sell themselves well and greet enthusiastically. I worked with two of the most horrible women I've ever encountered recently. But people were falling over themselves to buy them presents, suck up to them. I don't know if it was out of fear of being their next victim or whether they genuinely liked them. Or whether they just didnt know how toxic they were. As I sat with them 7 hours a day I was in no doubt. It still puzzles me even though they moved desks ages ago now and I rarely see them.

Lazylump72 apart from being the life and soul of the party, you sound exactly like me. I wouldn't describe you as false at all. It's the people who fawn around person A despite knowing person A is a complete bitch and slags them all off behind their backs just so they can remain in the popular group that I call false.

Wish there was an edit button on here!

And when person A greets people in an over the top way despite having slagged them off an hour earlier.