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Constantly Tense relationships with neighbours (long leases and rights of way)

7 replies

NotJackieWeaver · 07/02/2021 11:44

We live in a beautiful place on the edge of moorland but also the edge of town. It’s been an incredible place to bring up the children (now 17 and 14) and we are deeply attached to our home, but boy have we paid a price.

Numbers 2 and 3 are a single freehold consisting of three flats and a maisonette where we live (the maisonette is number3). My husband and I own the freehold of 2/3 and are the directors of the management company.
Our back garden is split from the house by a yard.

Number 1 has a vehicular right of way across the 2/3 yard to a back lane that leads out to a lane that leads to Main Street

Leaseholder 1 hasntlived here since 2017 (thank god) and is like the “you have no authority here Jackie Weaver” man but far worse as he is an ex copper and likes to frame every disagreement as some sort of crime that he is investigating (he has filed multiple police reports against me). He once owned the freehold but used all the contributions to line his pocket whist reducing all the flats to an unsaleable state in by starting then abandoning huge DIY projects. We and the other then residents therefore enfranchised and exercised the right to manage. He embarked on a campaign of anti-social aggressive offensive behaviour. This stopped after civil tribunal proceedings where we obtained very damning judgments against him. He pays most of his contributions but deliberately leaves anti-social items outside as territorial markers (think broken items and a car that has plants growing out of it). I have a (rational) fear of him and the police are finally (!) involved after years of trying to get help. We believe he would sell up if he could but he is a hoarder and won’t pay to get the empty flat to a salable state.

Then we have leaseholder resident 2 who is an old lady (a sitting tenant of leaseholder 1)with dementia. She’s fine but grumpy/needy andher son parks outside the parking spaces in the yard causing trouble with those at number 1 and in breach of the lease.

Then we have leaseholder residents 3 who are recent arrivals. They are fine if a little sharp-elbowed, but the wife has expressed resentment of me for enforcing the provisions of the lease as to what can be kept in communal areas etc. As newcomers they have no sense of what I went through - including some terrible incidents in lockdown - so they they think I am unreasonable :(

Finally we have those at number 1 who are a family with three very sweet little children. The problem with them is that they treat the yard as their own, encouraging visitors to park there rather than using a separate access they have at the back. Their family once owned all three houses ( when the wife was a little child). They therefore have a habit of involving themselves in matters that are not their business and seem to have no sense of our need for privacy (always wandering into my private garden to collect theirstraying livestock). Having said that, they are rational in most ways, good parents etc, and I take pleasure in their garden which is beautiful.They used to encourage the children to play in the yard and used to come and harvest our apples (!) but this craziness has stopped.

There were also lots of historic problems that caused major hassle at the time but are now solved at least for now.

All this madness was balanced out when my friend and fellow director lived here because we were in it together (there was a lot of black humour in a “you haven’t spent much time in Handforth have you?” mode) and understood the history. Plus our children grew up running around the back lane in a gang with the kids from number 6 and 8 and I wouldn’t have traded that for anything. But now I’m stuck in this beautiful place and feel like the unpopular boss who is defied and insulted at worst, ignored and resented at best. I feel tension when I go outside to the yard if someone wrong is parked there.

My friend (who has moved out) has suggested staying very focussed on my private areas outside and letting the other stuff go, but we are the managers of the whole property (large and Victorian) so there’s only so far we can pull back as the responsibility is on us. We have to carry on managing or Jackie Weaver bully man could legitimately complain and of course our property would be devalued.

I suppose I’m asking how to cope as well as possible. I’m sensitive and over-stressed by the minor transgressions because of the harassment I have suffered from Jackie Weaver bully guy. So I doubt my ability to make good decisions.

We have explored the options with local estate agents but the sale would be pretty complicated because of the nature of the property.

OP posts:
Gamble66 · 07/02/2021 11:58

Sell

NotJackieWeaver · 07/02/2021 14:38

:)

OP posts:
Crossornot · 07/02/2021 15:03

It’s a very confusing set up to try to understand on paper but...if the bully man isn’t living there, how will he know who is parked where, and where people are storing things? And even if he did, how could he in isolation impact you unless he had the agreement of the other neighbours? It sounds as if they are all wanting to use the space in similar ways which you want to restrict (because of the rules), but practically speaking and in the interests of keeping things friendly, I think it would be wiser to turn the other cheek.

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myfriendsgivebadadvice · 07/02/2021 15:17

If the other parties have signed a contract, can you not appoint a legal person to send them letters when there is a serious infraction, in behalf of the managing body rather than yourself? Then it is happening at a remove to you.

NotJackieWeaver · 07/02/2021 15:42

Thank you.
Cross bully man visits to check on property.
He has a history of saying “I won’t remove x because you’ve permitted y”.
Cross, we have set up a separate email address. Managing agents want £2000/year which would seriously increase the service charge for everyone. We are competent managers as the tribunal judgments attest. But if there is any more trouble I could revisit. The problem is also that they will shift the responsibility back to us ultimately.

OP posts:
myfriendsgivebadadvice · 09/02/2021 19:15

That's a big expense.

But you seem to feel really distressed at being the focal point. I would consider that worth spending if possible.

NotJackieWeaver · 09/02/2021 19:33

thank you.
I think a lot of a distress is due to it being painful to accept that it's no longer me-and-my-friend-against-the-world but it's me-and-dh-on-our-own.

we had a long chat about toughening up or moving out over the weekend
we both like to be liked and we just have to accept that there is an imbalance between us and these other people which will make friendship harder.
Ah well, I have a friend next-door-but-one!!

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