Anyone else get treated like an idiot by complete strangers?

[GormlessFace]

I'm guessing it's my face, maybe I have a clueless look about me! I am a quiet person which I think sometimes leads people to think I'm a bit dim but so often it happens in circumstances where I haven't said a word for instance a stranger approaching me in a museum to ask if I was lost (I think I was just looking up a a Greek frieze).

It happened again today, at my weekly supermarket shop I had a voucher that wouldn't scan so asked for assistance (the scanner on that particular till didn't work, but she acted like I should've known that 🤷‍♀️). Anyway she then proceeded to explain that the other set of self service tills can also be used for scan as you shop..fair enough I thanked her for letting me know, now I know I can use them when the shop is busy. However she then explains again, the exact same thing three more times and on the third time physically walking over to the till and explaining very slowly to ignore the screen on the self service checkout and just scan the barcode whilst covering the screen with her hands . It was really busy and I was just stood there politely trying to leave and she kept explaining 😭.

I mean I'm no professor but I wouldn't consider myself particularly unintelligent, I must just look it

Anyone else?

@GormlessFace I'm quite gormless looking myself so I keep that quote in mind. I've also got the added curse of a downturn mouth and ferocious frown lines so not only do I look a bit thick but also quite scary

I'm blonde with big tits so yes, very frequently. I'm far from stupid.

I can go one "better" op - I am dx mentally ill and people who know ONLY this about me (mainly hcps I might add) then proceed to speak to me in words of one syllable and giving me the same info in different forms repeatedly without my asking for clarification. I'm far from stupid (hold 2 degrees and various post grad professional qualifications) but it happens a lot! In addition in most of these cases I know more than they do about not only my personal medical history but the conditions concerned. I've had more than one of the less patronising specialists comment I know more than they do!

My mum worked at a supermarket the last 20 years of her working life. She left school at 14 but again is far from stupid. From starting on the tills and up to her being head of security she put various customers and thieves straight on consumer law which she is very well versed in.

My aunt who was a forensic accountant was often underestimated by smart arses she was investigating. The best story which I've told before on here being the one where on her first day on one assignment the weather was particularly filthy and a drookit aunt was treated appallingly by a "city gent" type when trying to access the offices which had a weird entry system that was badly affected by the weather. Once settled into the office this same man was brought in to be introduced to her...as the person who would be auditing his books! He was later convicted, largely due to aunt's evidence of a wide scale and long term embezzlement scheme. 

I say underestimate "wee middle aged wifeys" at your peril!

The behaviour of these people says far more about them than you.

@HidingInTheLight my gran had that when she was using a wheelchair. She took no prisoners and would soon "correct" them, mostly politely but even she had her limits and being Glaswegian it was sometimes a case of her exasperatedly commenting "my heed disnae button up at the back" or "I've no' just feel oot the Clyde" she was ace!

Me.

All the fucking time.

I think it's because I'm fat.

And I work in a care home. When people find that out, they tend to speak to me like I'm 5.

Not now, but when I was younger I had a baby face, often mistaken for being a teenager up until my late 20's. I was 26 when I used to take ds to baby groups and was treated like dirt by some women and just patronised by others, assuming I was a clueless teen mum. I'm always pleasant to young mums, it must be awful being judged like that. To my shame, I would try and slip into conversations that I had a mortgage, career, degree etc. I shouldn't have because they should have been polite to everyone regardless of assumptions

@LoisWilkersonslastnerve

Not now, but when I was younger I had a baby face, often mistaken for being a teenager up until my late 20's. I was 26 when I used to take ds to baby groups and was treated like dirt by some women and just patronised by others, assuming I was a clueless teen mum. I'm always pleasant to young mums, it must be awful being judged like that. To my shame, I would try and slip into conversations that I had a mortgage, career, degree etc. I shouldn't have because they should have been polite to everyone regardless of assumptions

I had the same thing. But I lived in a very well off area at the time and they treated me like shot mainly as they thought I was Ds nanny.

@boredwiththeoldname

I once had a man say "Well done!" to me as I got out of my car after neatly parallel parking it in a fairly tight space. I had to refrain myself from telling him to fuck off.

My dad would be like this. We were around there a while ago and he was telling my mum what she was doing wrong when they were out in the car earlier that day (she's been driving over 50 years!!).

I told him he was talking shit and said the fatal words "mother is a far better driver than you, always has been, always will be".

Oh my god my fucking god, world war 3 was started!! Mother thought it was hilarious.

It's happened all my life so I do try to make light of it.
Once I had to go to the housing on my mum's behalf.
I made such an impression that after explaining where I need to be the greeter actually took me by the hand and led me through the department's! I just went with it
I think it put people off at work too I was ignored for big tasks. Suited me.

When I was between career jobs and temping in admin I got that a lot. Admin staff are treated like they are stupid. I was studying for a Master’s degree at the time.

I used to get this a lot when I was younger, I'm a quiet person and think I have a sort of innocent look about me. Happens less now I'm a bit more weathered looking.

I teach post graduate students and previously worked in financial services with masters equivalent qualifications. I have recently additionally been working part time in a supermarket during Covid. I recently calculated a 20% discount for a customer in my head.She replied “Oh very well done!” very loudly so the whole shop could hear

Yes all the time. I use a wheelchair or stick and they will talk to whoever is pushing me even if I've asked the question. I've actually refused to buy items before in shops because they talked over me.
I want to say I've got a degree you know and can actually communicate rather well - but never do.

Yes all the time. Probably because I don't dress or speak the way people expect. I often get asked what I do. I just say I do as little as possible which tbh is true. That usually does the trick.

*@Solongtoshort
Not speaking to someone below your paygrade!!!! Then I would not speak to many people!

All the of time. I'm short in stature (just over 5ft) I have some disabilities but what i think clinches it is my very strong Mancunian accent, think Liam Gallagher. I think that makes them assume I'm as rough as toast. I have a Masters degree and plenty of common sense 😉.

Also, when men do it I just think grrr dick! It somehow irks me much more when it's another woman. I think I assume women should realise I'm not a complete dolt 😝

Yes, because I have a speech impediment, people think I'm stupid. 🤷‍♀️

I think part of this is the way you act. I was in the post office recently, and I asked for what I wanted in a meek way. I also have a speech impediment and get treated like I am stupid despite having worked fulltime for 30 years, while raising my family.

The cashier was going to take the coins off me, and count them. I wouldn't give them drew myself up to my full height and said i a stern tone, 'I will count them myself, thank you'. She visibly changed and started treating me with more respect.

I know people can't change accents or disabilities, but you could try to act more purposefully and confidently. Sit or stand in a more confident relaxed way. Don't be afraid of eye contact. Speak in a confident tone. If you can, it helps to stay away from dark, baggy, clothes which are a bit shabby. I always wear dark jeans not loose, not tight, and a top/jumper which does not have bobbles. I wear dark low heel shoes. I stay away from runners unless I am going for a long walk. I know we should be free to wear what we want. The fact is, that if one is nearly 50, and is meek and mild, one has to dress reasonably smartly in order to get taken seriously.

A year ago, I had a cold and was walking in town on my lunch break. I may have been walking a bit oddly as I had a headache. Suddenly 6 youths surrounded me, started laughing and imitated me walking. I looked around with head up, shoulders back, looked and smiled at them. They all melted away very quickly.

Another time when I was wearing a coat of 1990s style, two men of 25, looked, said 90s coat and laughed. I walked very quickly after them, laughing and smiling. They ended up running into a shopping centre, no laughing as I power walked behind them.

More recently, a certain type of girl, blonde, 20s, a bit rough round the edges would stare at me for ages if i am in a bank. I usually stare back and raise my eyebrows. They sloewly fade away after.

I think they target people whom they see as weaker, not prepared to stand up to them.

So remember, move purposelly, a confident tone when talking. If someone patronises you, laughing and staring at them while saying thank you, makes them think about their behaviour.

Hope that doesn't sound too arrogant, just trying to figure out what works with the patronisinh people

I disagree user. I'm pretty good at assertiveness and have natural resting bitch face

Get this. Under 5 foot and quiet so people think I'm incapable.

Me too. Slightly on the fat side and far too accommodating. Give people an inch and they’ll take a mile.

I get this too because I am hearing impaired. Rather than repeat what they have said they change the words for me or sometimes explain what the words mean

I just say to them, it’s not that I don’t understand, it’s that I can’t hear

@user1471554720 I slightly disagree. I think confidence plays a role but there’s more to it

I do voluntary work, I’ve been there over 12 years and am one of the longest serving. I’m also the most experienced in one of our areas. Precovid, about once a month I’d go into our reception to get a client and when I said “Is it Mrs User, do you want to come through?” they’d be either surprised or horrified that they were seeing a wheelchair user. A lot of them would then be heard as they left either telling others in the waiting room or their partner “she’s good at this.”

I think a lot of it is about daft people judging you on appearance. I did a job a feed back which was part working from home but also involved a lot of travel. This meant that 90% of the days I did the school run I was in my jeans, and just occasionally would be in a suit & smart shoes. The amount of stuck up playground mums who only wanted talk to be when I was suitably dressed was entertaining.