9 year old girl self-esteem

[BB8sm8]

I don’t know where to post this? My beautiful 9 year old is starting to occasionally say she feels ugly, coming to a head last week when she didn’t want the camera on during her Zoom lesson because she felt too self-conscious. She has an issue with her teeth & will need braces but can’t have them yet. I’m at a loss as to how to help her, I’ve battled an eating disorder since I was 13 (I’m now 40) & I do model health eating, I never put myself down in front of her. But other than reassuring her that she’s beautiful inside & out, ensuring she does things that boost her self-esteem (she’s brilliant at art & baking) I don’t feel well-equipped to help her navigate these feelings. Are there any books, resources, tips from those out there with experience of this please?

My 9yo has enjoyed the book "Goodnight Stories for Rebel Girls" and also the journal that goes with it is lovely for getting dc to focus on the things about them that are more important than how they look.

Sports activities can be really protective for girls with self-esteem issues, though that's maybe difficult at the moment.

If her concerns are making her anxious then there's a good CBT based book called "What to do if you worry too much" which we've used.

I think it is really difficult not to pass on things that you worry about yourself. It's really good that you aren't putting yourself down in front of her, but I wonder whether she is picking up your concerns? I wonder whether there's anything to help where you are that would in turn help her, iyswim?

Two people that pop into my head that have helped with outward appearance issues are Nikki Lilly and Katie Piper. They will probably have some good tips perhaps on their channels/websites and I know Katie has done a few books (not sure whether your DD will be too young for them).

This sounds all perfectly normal to some extent, I remember my DD being very worried about growing taller, for example, (and she wasn't even a tall girl she just didn't want to grow) when she was around 11/12. She's 18 now and hates selfies. Sounds like you are doing the right thing and try to ensure that she has other stuff to focus on eg. hobbies, rather than her own appearance is a good thing. Well done on giving her positive messages OP, it is a difficult time.

I don't have any suggestions other than to say you sound like a lovely mum

BB8sm8 there is the preteens thread too, you might get more help in there.

Thank you so much, I never though to look to celebrities but that’s a brilliant idea thank you. It’s so hard not to panic when I hear her talking like that, and to project my own childhood feelings onto the situation. I just desperately don’t want her to go through what I’ve experienced & I don’t really have any context for what’s normal preteen angst, I didn’t know there’s a preteen thread I’ll look at that thank you.

Glad to help BB, I think it's tougher these days as there is many more scenarios to see yourself on screen.
It’s so hard not to panic when I hear her talking like that fully understand, I used to have DD marching into my bedroom every night with a tape measure and stressing because she had just measured herself again, you'd have thought she was Jack's beanstalk but she was petite! It used to stress me out no end to see her getting so worked up.

If you look on the mighty girl website/fb page, they have lots of resources as studies show that from 8, girls self esteem plummets. It's such a hard age, I remember it well and you sound a lovely mum 💐