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Original poster

Just a good friend in a time of need or reason to be concerned.

28 replies

Toorapid · 05/02/2021 08:54

DH is seriously ill. I run. During this awful time with DH, running is a about all that's keeping me going, especially as the usual things like having a coffee with a friend aren't possible.

Thay say it's times like this when you find out who your friends are and this seems to be true. The people I've thought of as best friends seem to have disappeared. Very occasional texts, that's all.

However some running "acquaintances" have been brilliant. One woman is in touch almost daily and regularly taking me out for a run. Another injured runner invites me out to walk her dog with her.

Another man, I've known for a long time, but a much faster runner than me, so I don't usually run with him, has been contacting me for a regular weekly run. He treats it as a recovery run and I get pushed hard Grin

He's a good chap, I've been on a few social things with him in a group. He's friendly with everyone and real do anything for anyone type, but also a bit of a ladies man, although he's never made any kind of move on me.

He's also living alone, with a girlfriend he's not seeing much because of lockdown. I've met her, like her, but I don't really "know" her.

He's just suggested a second run this week.

So, a bit lonely and bored, looking for company and doing a nice thing for me? Or be very wary? I really don't need any added complications atm, but the company is doing me a lot of good.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toorapid · 05/02/2021 09:05

We're both 50, if that makes a difference, he probably sounds younger!

OP posts:
dublingirl66 · 05/02/2021 09:08

Gosh it is an eye opener isn't it !!!

I have found this in the past also xx

Original poster
Toorapid · 05/02/2021 09:16

You mean finding who your friends are or predatory men moving in...?

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user1493413286 · 05/02/2021 09:19

What kind of vibe are you getting from him? Does he talk about his relationship being rubbish or flirt/overly compliment you? I don’t think there’s necessarily a reason to think he has other intentions unless something in his behaviour is making you think that?

fastwigglylines · 05/02/2021 09:20

It's really hard to tell, it could be either way.

What does your gut say?

Crumpetloverrr · 05/02/2021 09:21

I would be wary personally but then this is the exact kind of situation that always gets messy for me.

OhioOhioOhio · 05/02/2021 09:21

Don't invite the wolf to your door.

Original poster
Toorapid · 05/02/2021 09:21

No he doesn't talk about gf at all. I always make a point of asking how she is, but his response is just "good thanks".

We chat about running and people we know through running. Some work stuff and what we're watching on Netflix. Mostly we just run so fast I can't speak!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 05/02/2021 09:23

It seems it’s just running then? Why do you think he fancies you and it’s not about the run?

statetrooperstacey · 05/02/2021 09:27

It seems friendly and innocent enough to me. My dh occasionally runs with a work colleague ( female) for exactly the same reason😁 his ankle is also in recovery and he says it helps him keep a steady pace though she hanging by the end😆

OrigamiOwl · 05/02/2021 09:28

It sounds like he just wants something to run with?

Original poster
Toorapid · 05/02/2021 09:30

Years and years ago (maybe 10 years) I overheard his boss, who also runs with us, make a joke about how he fancies me. At the time, I thought the joke was at my expense I.e. it would be a preposterous idea, I was quite hurt. Even if it was true then, there's been a decade since and even at the time, there was nothing in his behaviour that suggested it might be true.

It's just that he knows 100s of runners and is friendly with everyone, he doesn't "need" to run with me once a week let alone twice. I'm a quieter type with fewer options iyswim.

However, there is absolutely nothing in his behaviour that's different to the female runner who's also looking out for me.

OP posts:
RoseyOldCrow · 05/02/2021 09:54

That was crass of his boss; I understand how it may have hurt you.

Does he know about your DH's illness? If so, he is perhaps just being a decent human & doing what he can to support you - all credit to him for that.

If you enjoy running with him, carry on. Don't share more time or info with him than you feel comfortable with, as in any situation.

Best wishes to you & your DH 💐

Original poster
Toorapid · 05/02/2021 09:58

Yes he knows DH ill. He also knows DH and always asks after him, sends good wishes. He's also good at picking up on the fact that running is a good distraction and I don't want to talk anout it all the time, which not everyone is.

OP posts:
Raindropsonrosesand · 05/02/2021 10:32

He also knows DH and always asks after him, sends good wishes

Sounds like he's just a kind person who is trying to help you (and by extension your DH) however he can.

Obviously, everyone should always keep their boundaries in place, but if all seems well, then accept the support of friends looking out for you - and run with him if it's helpful (and stop if it feels overwhelming/too much). Sympathy and best wishes for your DHFlowers

Original poster
Toorapid · 05/02/2021 10:34

At least atm there's no suggestion of coffee/beer after Grin

OP posts:
CommanderBurnham · 05/02/2021 13:15

Until you said that someone thought that he fancies you I would have said why not.?

Be careful. You're vulnerable.

I think he might be waiting in line which is a bit off really.

GotBeatenUp · 05/02/2021 13:22

Might be well meaning, might be waiting to pounce.
Does his GF know about the runs?

Original poster
Toorapid · 05/02/2021 13:27

Actually, I made a point of putting one of our early runs on FB for that reason GotBeatenUp. I've no reason to think the runs are secret, but I wanted to make sure. GF is on my friends list, I think I added her after a drunken night in the pub.

I'm honestly not one of those people who posts every run Grin but this was a super fast one for me, so I posted thanks for the company and the pacemaking.

OP posts:
PowerhousePatty · 05/02/2021 14:39

I’m a runner. We have a guy in my running club who sounds like this, he is genuinely a nice guy who likes running with a varied group of people. He is one of our fastest runners but is happy to run with slower people (like me) not just for the varied company but also because he likes to find out about our goals and will offer to help us (pace us in runs / races) etc. Your fellow runner sounds very similar from the way you have presented it. My run club colleague is also one of the most supportive people, always first to like or comment on a Strava post or a PB or a good race.

ILoveShula · 05/02/2021 14:53

Can you imagine the post on here from the man's girlfriend?

DP has a hobby...

OneMillionSteps · 05/02/2021 15:16

How about your DH - might he feel bad if you went running with this man more often?

Original poster
Toorapid · 05/02/2021 16:42

DH isn't with it enough to know or care currently, but when he was, he would have absolutely encouraged me to get out as much as possible, with anyone who'd have me!

OP posts:
ILoveShula · 05/02/2021 16:47

If it helps you, then do it, but maintain boundaries.
If you feel he's thinking of you as more than a running buddy, run with someone else.

It sounds like you are doing that. Hope your DP gets better soon.

Original poster
Toorapid · 05/02/2021 18:35

He arrived with beer for me tonight "because you need it". We had a good run and there was never any suggestion that we would share the beer.

OP posts:
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