Watching I’m a Sin, want to talk about AIDS testing please

[CluelessDIY]

Been with dh 23 years, ds is 15, obvs there is an AIDS test when you are pregnant, so all fine. Dh had an affair 8 years ago, we were mended but watching this has made me think he needs to have an AIDS test. Am I being a total paranoid dickhead please?

Does he have any symptoms? I would guess the risk is really quite slim if no signs after eight years

No, you’re not being paranoid. The likelihood of either of you having contracted it is very low, but free testing is available on the NHS and is quick and easy. When I changed GPs recently I was offered (and accepted) an HIV test and got the results back soon after as negative.
If you are concerned I would definitely take a look at this link and arrange a test (at least for yourself) and decide where to go from there on how to move forward with your husband testing/not testing

www.nhs.uk/conditions/hiv-and-aids/diagnosis/

Thanks for your replies - really quite different. I don’t know what to think. Brings back unpleasant memories that I’m not sure I should be subjecting us both to.

I know it’s ultimately his fault. But we have moved on. Just shows you that it resurface sometimes. Fuck. 😓

I would say that the risk to your marriage by dragging up all that sadness and hurt again is more than the tiny risk that your DP might have contracted HIV from an affair.

Thank you. It’s taken me 8 years to build up to a normal relationship again. I need to know from reasonable people whether this is worth the drama.

I really don’t want to be that person again.

Thank you, Katie.

I’m going to go to bed so please don’t be offended if I don’t see your replies. Hoping to feel more positive in the morning. Slightly too much 🍷

I still want to know what you think though, and apologies for drama llamaing

Did neither of you get a STI check after his affair? Very very low chance of HIV, but chlamydia and gonorrhea are quite common and can cause pelvic inflammatory disease in the long term.

I work in sexual health. It’s an HIV test. HIV is the virus, AIDS is the end stage illness. If he’s had an affair, yes, you both should have wisely gotten a full sexual health screening way back then. HIV is a symptomatic for probably at least 10 years in most people, but more importantly, so are lots of other more common infections like chlamydia.

Realistically, the prevalence of HIV is the UK is low. Unless he was having an affair with another man or using escorts or with someone who injected drugs, the chances of him being exposed to HIV is quite small. That isn’t to say that HIV doesn’t affect people who are ‘high risk’ (I know lots of very ordinary people who got HIV at birth or from a long term monogamous partner, etc), but the chances of him happening to choose someone who also had HIV is probably unlikely.

But there are lots of STIs that are easily spread and very common and you can have them for years and not know. I would get yourself checked if you haven’t. It’s easy to do. You can order tests to do at home through your local sexual health clinic and have a follow up phone consultation if you need too.

Hi OP, as mentioned it would be very unlikely that your DH contracted HIV and also, even in the remote chance he did, some couples can be together for years without one passing it to the other via sex.

However it’s also true that there are 5-6,000 people in the U.K. living unknowingly with the virus a lot of whom are diagnosed late. This week is HIV testing week and it’s really easy to get a free postal test for you both if you want via this link freetesting.hiv/

I’m assuming, perhaps incorrectly, that you’re in the U.K? Here it’s called an HIV test not an AIDS test. It looks for the virus whereas AIDS is the name of a group of illnesses HIV can lead to. However it’s still referred to this way in some other countries. If living elsewhere, perhaps approach your Dr or clinic and get tested - for peace of mind as much as anything else.

Agree, you should both have had a full STI screen once an affair is uncovered.

And it is still worth getting them done now