Feeling a bit crap after comments from co-worker

[FullOfHotAir]

I started a part time job after being made redundant a few moths ago.

I was overjoyed to get the job. I started on a trial and was introduced to my co-worker who does the same job as me but longer hours and has been there from the start.

She started off being nice to me and though I had reservations about the job she made me feel welcome and I decided to give the job a chance.

Anyway without waffling, fast forward three weeks and I’ve noticed the other lady to be a bit of a queen bee and a gossip but I’ve kept my head down and try the best I can and not get involved.

We have a small radio in the place and she keeps it on volume 2 and you can literally hear bellies rumbling and people talking at the end of the phone, it’s that quiet.

I try to make people feel welcome when they come in. But with masks on and protective plastic screens up it’s difficult to hear anyone properly (I also have tinnitus in both ears which may be impacting my hearing) so I often speak clearly so people can understand when I give them instructions (on where to wait to see who they need to see etc).

I’ve met some lovely clients and got on well with everyone and I’ve been turning around to my see my coworker with a face like a slapped arse.. so thought I was annoying her by being too outgoing and although I’ve been getting positive feedback i thought I may be treading on her toes slightly.

I’ve had no official training and I’ve literally been winging it but thought I was doing well.

Today we had a quiet moment and my co worker sat opposite me and said ‘I’ve got to tell you something, you’re far too loud and your voice is travelling, you try too hard etc.. Alongside of other stuff, she went on about negative stuff about me for about 4-5 minutes while I sat mortified (thank god for masks).

I was embarrassed and felt quite small after. It felt personal and I spent the rest of my time there walking on eggshells and barely talking to anyone who came in in case I was too loud.

I’ve been really doubting myself and feel like I’m probably really over sensitive and wondering is this the reason my job role has had such a high turnover of staff?

Don’t know what my question is really but I just feel crap and sort of dreading going in tomorrow. How would you handle this going forward?

Get a notebook, write it down, time and date it. Every single time.

Don’t change who you are or what you do. If she tries this shit again, put your hands up and say “I’m not playing this game”. If she asks for clarification, Paddington Stare into her eyes and “you know what I mean” and bare your teeth (only under your mask) and walk off.

I would use her comments as fuel to make every working day a little more irritating for her as possible...develop a humming habit...of christmas songs...all year round!!! What a nasty piece of work!

Very good advice here here's to me being as irritating as I can be I'll look for another job in the meantime.
OH CHRISTMAS TREE, OH CHRISTMAS TREE

Talk to your manager, even if you feel like they are positive about this staff member. A good manager should be questioning why there is a high staff turn over and without them being aware they don’t know there is a problem.

Doesn’t have to be done unpleasantly. Do you get supervision meetings?

Two options: Make a written record and/or confront her.

Every time she makes a nasty comment or pulls a face at you, write it down. Time and date. Same applies for when she talks about colleagues behind their back.

After a month (by which time you may be feeling more confident in the role anyway), make appointment with manager to discuss. Written, specific records are always best. You're doing their organisation a favour by informing them.

And/or... try standing up to her!

During a quiet moment, ask to have a word with her. Tell her you don't appreciate the disrespectful tone she has been using with you; that you have noticed it, because you're an intelligent woman. Advise her to stop, and that if she doesn't, you'll take it further. This conversation (well, speech) should take no more than two mins. Less words is better. Practice the night before with your partner:) See it as an experiment in standing up for yourself.
What have you to lose? A job you'll most likely not keep anyway, because of this problem:)

I've found queen bee/passive aggressive cows are often easily stopped when confronted about their behaviour. They're usually cowards. Not the bogeyman we make them out to be in our heads

I add - do not 'be irritating' on purpose. You're not a child... you're an adult and can tackle it head on like the confident woman I'm sure you are!

Maybe just maybe you are ( quite unknowingly) a little bit too loud. You say you have hearing issues that can cause people to talk louder. Maybe I’m wrong but you seem to be working in a confidential area. Why not ask for feedback from the person who hired you?

Well I have kept my volume super low today.
I have been pleasant and happy the same as usual with all the patients but kept conversing to a minimum with co-worker.

It isn't that bad to be honest, she seems to want to be the one chatting to the patients and if she wants that role and she felt I was stepping on her toes, then I'm happy to let her do all the talking. I just got on with my work.

I'm looking for a job in the meantime as I'm not being myself there and it will be noticed at some point or another that I'm not being authentic. Every time she called me hun today I just thought bugger off.

@2021isalsorubbish

I'd speak to your manager and say 'please can I have your advice? Co-worker doesn't think I'm doing a very good job and I'm not sure how to handle it' Your manager will ask why, and you can be very factual and repeat the 'feedback' your coworker has so unkindly given you.

Yes, I would do this too.

You are justified in looking for another job on the basis of her calling you ' hun'
Makes my flesh crawl
Head up, chin high, until you escape

Just wanted to add that we have no managers on site at all.
They have moved out from their normal rooms so all staff can spread out to social distance.
They work from home but are available through teams messaging. I think maybe my co-worker has taken it upon herself to appoint herself as my manager.

I had my interview over teams meeting and it's not the normal set up which is frustrating but I'll see how it goes.

She has assumed the role of 'manager in the absence of the actual managers. Shes trying to throw her authority around.

Your getting good feed back from customers/clients so run with that. There is nothing worse then a deathly silent office/reception where you can hear people breathe.
Keep doing you, be cheerful and happy the world certainly needs a lot more of that at the moment.
Oh and just because I am a cow I would ramp up the niceness just to piss her off a bit more

I would also speak to you actual manager, but kind of approach it like ‘I want to check how I’m doing because x gave me this feedback...’

Sounds like she wanted to take the wind of of your sails - which is horrible.

Would ignore her feedback and wouldn’t change anything about how you’re doing your job.

Write down the date and what she said.

If she does similar again, don’t let her complain at length. Could say something like you’ll stop her there as she’s already raised a number of concerns, you’ll consider her feedback, and suggest that if she wishes to discuss further she does this via the line manager.