Loneliness

[whydoifeelsolonely]

I have always struggled to make friends and form relationships . Last year I was told I’m most likely autistic (already knew I was dyspraxic) and that’s likely why . The psychiatrist at the time told me I’ll probably always feel this way . I feel like there’s something everyone else has that I’m sorely lacking .

I desperately want friends, and relationships. I want a best friend like normal people, or a partner, or someone who cares enough to text and talk and ask how I am .

I do talk to people, but most of the time it’s either paid professionals or my classmates at uni (I’m a mature student) . I don’t feel like I fit in with them at all, just feel lonely much of the time and don’t know how to speak up, or talk to them .

I’ve got a mentor through university, I’ve also got a wellbeing support worker and a counsellor but they obviously aren’t friends and I just feel the odd one out most of the time . When my classmates yap on group chat I hang back and don’t know what to say . It’s the same with other Facebook and WhatsApp things.

The other day I stupidly found myself close to tears because I felt so awkward in a breakout room, as I always do .

I’m on anti depressants, I’ve had therapy on and off for fifteen years and I don’t feel any closer to feeling confident and happy .

I stupidly thought I had a friend (in an ex support worker who asked if we could keep in touch as we got on well), but she said yesterday we aren’t really friends - she is bound to guidelines and stuff and I feel totally rejected by her too (which I haven’t told her of course).

I’m just having a low day, the weather is shit, feeling a bit miserable and wondering if there’s anything I could, should do, to try and sort this a bit .

I'm so sorry you're having a down day. I think it can be really hard to make friends at the best of times, especially given the current situation. It sounds as though you're doing really well in terms of accessing support and you should give yourself credit for that. Not everyone finds it easy to access support and talk about their difficulties with others. I'm not sure what I can offer by way of advice other than to hang in there and keep working with your mentors. Are their any support groups through any of the autism charities where you might find like minded people? Not sure how to help but sending positive thoughts anyway and to say I read your message and I'm thinking of you

Adult autism support groups?
Alternative health practitioner to prescribe non invasive things to help lift your mood?
Meditation?
Self affirmations?
Exercise?
Diet?
Pet?
Plants?
Spirituality?

I know it's not easy and you must feel so awful, please keep trying new things, something will bring some joy and happiness. I’m sending a big hug your way and keep you in my thoughts that things improve for you very soon. I’m really moved by your suffering, and I’m so very sorry you are hurting. You’re not alone, post as much as you need to...

Do you have any interests or hobbies? You could join groups through meet up for example and meet like minded people that way.

I do have some hobbies yes. Stupidly I sort of backed off doing them though as when they said autism and asked if I had any sort of fixed interests, I felt awful to want to do anything I’d enjoy (I used to enjoy organising photos, researching family tree, collecting vintage books) as suddenly I felt like everything I was doing was just ‘autism’ . It’s hard to explain .

I like the idea of plants, exercise . I love yoga . Hopefully when the weather starts to improve can go out a bit more .

I just felt so, so horribly hurt by ‘friend’ - absolutely gutted, but I was putting all my eggs in one basket which doesn’t help at all . I was so close to emailing her back and pointing out that she has never cared about guidelines before so why now, but that would be totally off .

I’ll look up autism networks, I never thought of that - you always think of that as being directed towards parents but I’ll have a look and see if there’s anything on offer.

Join lots of autistic groups online. They vary widely but if you keep looking you should find something to suit.

I do family tree, too. So do lots of neurotypicals. It's not just us.

There are so many groups out there for you to enjoy, track them down and sign up to many and go and have fun! So many others out there feeling exactly as you do who would love your company!
Volunteering in something that interests you when you have time and COVID has eased up? So may organisations would value your time and efforts immensely, and I hear it’s great for an in built social life along side people interested in the same things.

Loneliness is just horrid and painful
I spend most of my time alone and much of my life lonely too.
Never fit in and fall out with ppl easily.

I’m at the point of giving up friendships.

In a way lockdown has eased the pressure of relationships as I don’t have to force or chase anyone.

A hug for you

Researching family trees and collecting vintage books sounds really interesting though, and it's one of the great things about us autistic people that we're really interested in and passionate about stuff!

There are so many other plusses about being autistic, although sometimes you have to hang out with other neurodiverse people to get the positivity about that- I'm very open about it since I had my diagnosis a couple of years ago, and often NT people react a little like you've told them you have a life limiting illness or something when you tell them .

I used to struggle with friendships a lot, but since my diagnosis I have become a lot more laid back and accepting of myself, which makes me easier to be around, I think.

Plus, I had CBT a few years ago, which was invaluable to help me deal with all those big difficult emotions I couldn't handle, and to realise that people don't usually mean to be hurtful- they're just fallible, and that's OK.