Is this normal for a 5 year old?

[alwaysplayingplaydoh]

I only have the one DC (DS, will be 5 next week) and I feel like he's quite different to other kids his age. Wanted to gauge some opinions. For the most part he's a lovely, gentle little boy, very affectionate. He started school in September, enjoys it, seems very bright, teachers have no concerns. However I sometimes worry that he has a lack of imagination. He absolutely loves to draw and do craft and so on but he will ask me to find a picture of a craft online and will then want to copy that exactly - if I make any suggestions to do anything differently, he won't want to. He will draw but he will quite frequently (not always) draw the exact same thing. He loves to play with playdough but will play with it in a very specific way - e.g. he has a cupcake playdough set and if you're playing it with him you have to do it in the exact way he says or he gets annoyed.

I once spoke to a child psychologist friend of mine who said the key flag for ASD re: imaginary play was more that ASD children cannot pretend things are other things - e.g. if you give them a spoon and ask them to pretend it's a person, they won't be able to do that. He definitely can do that and frequently pretends objects are other things - it's just that he will play the game the same way every time. He has cuddly toys but he doesn't name them - if I ask them what their name is he quite often says the same thing for all of them (e.g. "Rainbow"). When I was little I used to play loads of mad imaginary games (on my own or with my mum, I am also an only child) where I made up all sorts of characters and scenarios, and he doesn't seem to do that at all. Other children his age seem to do this.

Another thing I worry about is that when he is crying he finds it very difficult to calm down. So I implemented this thing where we would do a "calm down" count - e.g. I would say let's take a deep breath, count to ten and calm down and then I would count (not in a time out/punishment sort of way iyswim). That worked quite well but now if he cries he says he can't stop unless I count to ten.

This is really long and rambling but I just feel he is very literal and very anal and I worry it isn't quite normal for his age. Has anyone had a similar experience with their child?

I don't know but your friends idea about ASD children is wrong. It's a common misconception. You'd think they'd know that given their job. Some children can struggle with it, just like some NT children can too.

My DD has diagnosed ASD and is almost five. She can do imaginary play. She pretends items are other things (she made a 'beehive' and collected honey from the bees the other day, using cutlery and stacked saucepans).

thanks brunette. I didn't like to say at the time but I was also not convinced by my friend saying that.

I think the specific ways of playing are quite normal. DC6 will get quite upset if play isn’t going how they imagined and I’m not doing it ‘right’ 🙄 this is getting better with age and they are able to take on suggestions and cope better when things don’t quite work out as they had hoped.

I think I’m the current climate, emotions are quite high and all the kids are more sensitive than they were. I really don’t think you have anything to worry about at this point.

Ds1 is a bit like this. His creativity is more logical. He enjoys maths. He never really did pretend play with figures but loved playing cars or trains. He likes to follow lego instructions but will accept the wrong colour substitution if we can't find the exact piece. He also never did any drawings but started doing them at school and now does some interesting ones.
Ds2 is more typically creative his teddies have names and voices and play interesting games with him. He has always drawn fantastically characterful faces since he could pick up a pen.
Just celebrate and nurture his own personality.

My ASD Niece goes against what your friend said too and is more likely to do as your son does - repetitive play and often rigid too - as in this is how it must be done.
She does however, do imaginative play.
All children are different but if you feel it's something more speak to his teacher (Or the school's SEN teacher if possible) or to your HV.

I have never been very creative when drawing etc so I always preferred having something to draw/copy. I also think the ASD thing is very overgeneralised. My DS7 is autistic and doesn't talk much but dues some lovely imaginative play with figures, Sylvanian families etc. They all chatter to each other in his made up language.

My dd (5) gets upset if I'm not doing something her way when playing an imaginary game.

My DS7 is autistic and doesn't talk much but dues some lovely imaginative play with figures, Sylvanian families etc. They all chatter to each other in his made up language.

That's lovely. My DS would never do something like that in a million years!

However, he doesn't stop talking. His talking is constant!

@alwaysplayingplaydoh

My lo is exactly the same and on the asd spectrum. When they receive a new toy and set it up it has to be setup exactly like the box! However, the cousin, also on the spectrum, struggles with this level rigid playing, but my lo cannot comprehend why this wouldn't happen. However can "freeplay" if the game is setup by another person, if the box isn't present, but it will be repetitive and not in an imaginative manner.

I'd say that your friend is slightly ill-informed about presentation on the spectrum as people do not conform to one criteria only.

I would consider requesting a paediatrician referral and speak to the school as well.

@alwaysplayingplaydoh I have a 5 year old. He is imaginative with things like drawing and craft but I think some people can genuinely be more imaginative than others. I'm waaaay more imaginative than my dh for example.

He does like to do things his way but I haven't come across many children his age who don't! In terms of repetitive behaviour, if we do something and he finds it fun, he will try and recreate it again and again and can get upset or frustrated if the fun isn't the 'same'.

As for getting upset, if he's crying I can usually calm him down with a cuddle but if he gets angry he's harder to calm. He finds it hard to let go of anger. I think that's fairly normal (in your case and mine) from talking to friends. Learning to regulate big feelings is tricky and even adults struggle. I think you teaching him a coping strategy (counting) is great and I don't think there is anything wrong with him wanting to use that again and again. If he finds that it works for him, why wouldn't he want to do it?

Nothing you've written, imo, sounds 'off'. You've compared him to yourself to when you were younger but even though he's your son, he has his own personality and quirks and traits and them differing from yours doesn't have to mean anything more than he's just his own little person. I personally don't think you have anything to worry about.