Help - how do I phase this email?

[Disorganisedfish]

I’m trying to be quick so I can send this email out now - but I need some help phrasing it.

I had a brief relationship last year with someone senior to me at work. He split up with me, but was upset at my reaction (which was that it was fine!) and since then has been making rude comments to others about my work being unsatisfactory, that I’m apparently messing things up etc.

He is not my line manager or directly related to my department, but it’s started to come back to me more and more from other people that he has been slagging me off. No one knew of our relationship till we split up and he told people.

I spoke to my manager today and was incredibly embarrassed but I feel it’s now affecting my work reputation and I need to nip it in the bud. He has advised I send an email to my ex and ask him to stop and make him aware it is getting back to me.

How do I phrase this? My boss has suggested email so I have an email chain incase I feel it needs to goto HR later down the line. I just want this to go away and stop!

Ok that makes it slightly different.

If your boss isn’t willing to speak to him and it appears he isn’t, then it’s either involve hr, which of course will cause him to get into trouble or addrsss it yourself,

I’d do addressing it yourself first then use hr as the nuclear option.

So just say

Hi x

I hope you are well. just a quick email, I’ve been hearing negative comments that are attributed to you regarding the quality of my work from a variety of sources.

If there is any concern please address it with my supervisor or myself via the correct process and I would ask you to refrain from any general comments to other staff,

I would like us to remain on a cordial and professional level. I am sure you would prefer this too and would not wish this escalated any further and prefer it to be managed by ourselves,.

Dear Ex,

It has come to my attention that you have been making some critical comments regarding my work to our colleagues. Please, in the future, do not feel you have to hesitate in contacting me directly regarding any professional feedback, I can assure you I am keen to deal with any work queries in the professional manner they deserve.

Regards,

...

Dear Ex,

Stop being a knob. Move on and stop gossiping like a teenager about our past relationship. Grow up

Kind Regards

(Maybe not this!)

Of you are going down the resolve it yourself route a face to face conversation (via video call obviously) would be a much better option. I'd be very wary of putting anything in writing if you have no physical evidence that he has done/said anything.

Noooo! No emails, and no talking to him yourself, and no HR (yet)

Your manager needs to grow a pair and face up to this, like I said in my earlier post. He needs to make it clear that he's happy with your performance and the gossip has to stop. At the moment he's just happy to leave it as your problem. He doesn't sound like a very experienced manager, you might need to help him see what's required of him here.