Is it true? "every person has their own battles/struggles"

[Zubes]

Exactly what the title says really.
I keep seeing quotes that say "Every person has their battles... be nice" etc.
Is this really the case? I certainly have my own battles, but this implies every human being experiences it too.
For example, I follow this actor (who I actually fancy the pants off haha). He is so chilled, kind hearted and carefree. Literally a perfect human being. Always being complemented on his looks, could get any women he wanted. I'd like to assume he has no "battles" of his own as his life seems so perfect and what struggles would he have?
I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense - hard to word it!
What do you think?

It's true that everyone will almost certainly encounter certain struggles - like bereavement and ill health at some point in their lives. Can't see how anyone could avoid this completely?

But what feels hard to understand is when people seem to just have a constant stream of traumatic events that starts young, imo.

Compared to others who are fortunate enough to get well into adulthood and establish their own lives, before being hit with trauma.

Yes, everyone does have their own battles. We all suffer from uncertainty, loss of a loved one, perhaps health difficulties or relationship problems from time to time. The point is that you just don't know when someone will be going through a tricky time.

Currently I'm debating whether to contact my GP and signed off for stress

Sorry to hear this Margaret

Please do contact your GP. If you're thinking it, you probably need it 💐

In a way, the fact that you do usually see the bright side & don't over-share might contribute to the stress. Those people like your DSis probably get it out of their system & get support in the process!

Good luck.

Everyone has struggles, but some are bigger than others. I have been so miserable with depression and eating disorders most of my life. Some people I've opened up to have just had blank incomprehension, especially when we were in out 20s. One of my friends described her early twenties as being 'as happy as a pig in muck'. I have never known that feeling and the thought that other people had experienced happiness that I never had made me even more depressed!

tunnocks

@Goostacean This is very interesting. Everyone has struggles, but I think that some people’s are objectively harder/worse than others’, and that people with similar struggles may cope with them to a greater or lesser extent depending on their own life experiences up until that point and their personality.

Nicely put.

Everyone has struggles. That doesn't mean everyone's struggles are equal, or that they affect everyone equally. But the fact of some people having objectively or subjectively worse struggles does not invalidate the "lesser" struggles.

Sending virtual hugs to you all.
I'm 23, 24 this year. First time mum also. And I just feel like ever since hitting my twenties I've had more struggles and worries (mainly about myself and my appearance!) , than when I was 18/19. I keep thinking it'll get better towards the late 20's and 30's.
I definitely agree that what some people consider worries are minor to others and vice versa. I suppose I take comfort knowing its normal for everyone to struggle at times.

I'm currently supporting a few colleagues with depression. They have defiinitely had a lot to deal with, hence the support. But they do sometimes react like 'I'm so lucky' not to have to deal with that. I had my first black eye at 6 weeks and the abuse stopped at 18 when I threatened the police....maybe I just learned more resilience earlier.

Everyone has a story and they all have struggles. Don't assume that the people you're speaking to don't have theirs

I believe everyone has troubles and they will vary but it’s how you manage those troubles that sets you out above the rest. Those who seem to struggle the most seem to feel alone in their problems when in reality everyone is affected by death for example.

When my grandfather in law died, that side of the family grieved hard and years on its mentioned as a great tragedy. It was of course sad but he was 78 and had had a great life. That was the first significant death my dh’s family have had but financially that side of the family have struggled.

whereas in my family, my twin sister died young, my 2 aunties died in their 40s leaving both sets of cousins without their mums and my 16 year old cousin died due to a hospital error. But financially very comfortable. On the outside looking in you’d probably think my family was more together / perfect.

We have a shit happens and we deal with it and enjoy life mantra but dh’s family have a “we’re so hard done by and life’s not fair” mantra. Sitting in the middle and seeing both sides dh is much more in my family camp of having positive outlook.

I always think of it as an old fashioned totaliser or clapometer at a talent show (remember those?)

There are bad things that happen - no-one is immune from those no matter how much money or security they have, people die, get ill, split up. That puts your total down. Then some people have stuff that doesn't happen to everyone - abuse, trauma etc - which takes it down again.

But then there's the stuff on the positive side - money, secure bonds with family. Then it gets interesting because a lot of the negative stuff eventually contributes to the positive stuff because getting through bad things creates resilience. So your score may go down, but then come back up a bit.

Everybody has struggles at some point in their lives. Not all struggles are equal but I think the point is you never know what someone is going through or has gone through.
On the face of it my adult life has been fine and normal. I have a husband and 3 kids, we have enough money for small treats and earn enough to pay the bills. Just a normal everyday type of life.
If I didn’t tell you, you wouldn’t know I had a terrible childhood, I no longer speak to my adoptive mother, etc.
Equally I don’t know that the mum at the school gate who has a massive mansion and ponies and a new car every year and holidays abroad every school holiday etc hasn’t had some past trauma or even a current one. She may have a husband that beats her, or cheats on her, or a child with special needs, she may also have had a terrible childhood, or was brutally raped in uni, etc etc.
In the same vein as a parent of a child with Aspergers and another that had hearing problems I’ve learnt not to judge others parenting. There’s times it may have looked I was giving into my child or letting him have a tantrum but it was because I knew he was having a meltdown and traditional measures would only have made him worse.

I was abused as child have complex ptsd.i have anxiety and also have a learning difficulty. As a child I had a horrific life . As a adult I consider myself lucky . It also depends what your start point is . Mine was so low it would take a lot to get lower

Everyone gets some kind of struggles at some point.

Bereavement is one that is pretty inescapable. My friend had a run of 3 relatives dying in 2 years, one premature and unforseen, two elderly, close relative with care needs and struggling rapidly.

My family is quite stable at present, but with the age of the oldest generation, I am likely to face bereavement in the next 10-15 years. No one is immortal. I've already prematurely lost two relatives that I grew up with, one in childhood, one in my late 20s, he died in his 40s. I'd lost the oldest generation by 25.
It's not better/ worse either way. In a snapshot, her situation was more intense, but over time it balances out.

Most people will experience health concerns (unless they die very suddenly in unforseen circimstances) Some ongoing for many years. Some more intense.

Money is less equitable. But you don't necessarily know if someone has always been stable, or if it's been willed to them in tragic circumstances.

Very few people genuinely live a charmed life with little baggage or suffering.

@BogRollBOGOF agree we all have life stages . As a mum I know I can’t prevent my kids having upset but I can help with resilience

Everyone or at least everyone over the age of 10 has their own struggles, surely you know this! How does being a good looking actor insulate you from for example...the death of your mother...or your wife's mental health issues...or the fact you are having tests for cancer... or the fact your work is drying up due to covid? Most people also don't only carry their own worries but they worry about people they love. Everybody has at least a few unwell friends or family members, or a relative in prison or a drug abuser or infertile etc- so many things that even the most blessed of us carry around.

One of the most positive people I've ever seen on TV is Joe Wickes - he just oozes a delightful can-do attitude that's really contagious.

It would be easy to assume he'd had a fab upbringing and had no problems to speak of. I hadn't really thought about it but I can see how people may assume that about him.

Last week I listened to his Desert Island Discs and ended up weeping into the washing up! A mentally ill Mum & a heroin addict Dad, a rather difficult upbringing from what he said, he cried during the interview and it just slayed me. I wasn't that bothered about listening to it, in honesty, but I'm so glad I did. He's a proper legend.

As viewers we know nothing about the real lives of 'celebs' but their lives are real!

I've had periods in my life when I've had no troubles, but it didn't last forever. I've had periods when things were shit but I dealt with them awesomely. I've had things that to others probably weren't that bad, but they crushed me. None of that changes anyone else's situation.

Same storm, different boats.

I used to hang out with musicians, actors and models. All gorgeous and talented. All the most insecure and unhappy group you could imagine. I met a very very few who were stable, happy and just liked their jobs. Not a star in there (and I've met a lot of stars). The bassists and drummers were sometimes OK but a very few. Actors have picked a career where you get judged and rejected constantly.

Never judge the inside of your life by the outside of someone else's.

I do think that many more people than we realise have some major shit going on - maybe that's what's meant by battles - but generally you'd never know.

I do think everyone has their own struggles - some of them might be pretty minor kinds of struggles, but some of them will be far worse than you know (very few people outside my family know I was violently raped and almost murdered in my early 20s, even my own mum doesn’t know how many miscarriages I’ve had).

And you also don’t necessarily realise how bad something is until you go through it yourself - DH broke his femur about ten years ago, and honestly it was life-changing (in a bad way) - needed help with personal care for months, was disabled for almost a year. Had a huge impact on his mental health. I bet most of our friends have pretty much forgotten about it, but we definitely haven’t.

There's two different issues:

1. Actual things going wrong in your life (bereavement, traumatic events, illness, job worries etc)

1. Your ability to cope (mental illness, resilience or lack thereof, etc)

Both of these vary so wildly for each person, but you can have incredible burdens in the first but incredible strength in the second which can make your challenges seem less. Likewise a person with a 'perfectly' life free from much trauma can have crippling anxiety and depression that prevent them from enjoying much.

Some people win life's lottery and have very little trauma plus a naturally sunny and resilient disposition. That's just how it is!

Interesting thread.
I agree re musicians and actors. Constantly being rejected is horrible.

And the poster re Joe wicks.

Ds2 had a sunny disposition and never thinks about anything. He's got this naieve, sweet kind of shallowness and I mean that in a good way. He's just happy. He's got good friends and has never fallen out with anyone. He's stood up to other bullies.

I am a deep thinker. I like to chew the fat. I'm an over thinker.

So Ds2's nature I find fascinating.

I am a realist. Almost a pessimist. I'm often shocked at how badly people treat others.

But I am also naturally extremely resilient and strong. Something very bad did happen to me once, not that long ago. How I got through it I'll never know.

Some people are luckier than others though. Some people just breeze through things. Some get given it all. Others, a bit like Ds2 just don't think about stuff, don't worry about much.

I do love the Ken Dodd bag idea!

It doesn't feel like it sometimes. I've had a lot happen in my life as has my poor mum who has been widowed 3 times and various other bereavements and there are people I know who live absolutely charmed lives where nothing seems to go wrong and they don't suffer any losses. So who knows I think some people are just born lucky.

Everyone does have troubles of varying degrees. What annoys me about this statement though is that some people use it to minimise another persons experience.

I've been through some very dark times in the last 4 years, my 11 year old was school refusing and at points trying to kill himself and was lashing out in the house at our belongings and at us, we didn't know why and yet my mother kept harping on about 'well everyone else has troubles'. It was really unhelpful because I don't think many people experience what we was going through. A bit of sympathy would have helped!

She still bangs on about it now when people moan about lockdown 'it's the same for everyone'. Well yes, but for some people it's harder than others and stop bloody minimising!