What would you do ?

[pieminster34]

Last summer we had some decking put in a corner of our garden which gets the sun in the evening.

We are a couple with teenage kids and a love for a 10pm bedtime. Hardly a bunch of party animals. We live in a suburban area and down a road with detached /semi’s with old established gardens.

Our neighbour had, the previous year, also built decking the other side of the fence. We sensed something was up just after ours was completed, the neighbour would hardly speak to us anymore (before it was polite chit chat over the fence).

We have recently sent a ‘would you mind if we cut back some trees letter?’ - delivered rather than a doorstep convo (as they are shielding). In their reply they have included a paragraph about how un neighbourly it is to have built our decking next door to theirs and it is something they ‘never would have done to a neighbour’ and ‘it has destroyed their privacy’. Weirdly the husband even lent mine a shovel during the digging out prepping for the decking which we returned with a bottle of wine as a thank you.

Really shocked at how something like this has brought out this approach. The decking is on our land. We can’t see into their area (they built a wall by their decking area). We are not a noisy family. Even my generally polite 15 year old read the letter and was shocked at the tone.....

Views on the situation ? Un neighbourly ? Speak to them face to face after lockdown ends.....:

Send them a note back

I’d play a bit dumb!

Thanks for noticing our decking, and just another quick thanks for lending us the shovel to help build it, such a wonderful sun trap. I hope you get the same enjoyment from your newly laid decking as we have.

Leave it there.

Can you hear them talking? I’d be miffed if you can. They can’t have a private conversation if you’re at the side of them.

@lalafafa - can’t hear them no, there’s a high fence behind our decking and a wall behind theirs....it’s pretty private despite being either side of a divide.

@BluebellsGreenbells - I am proposing to simply ‘kill with kindness’ - I have found in the past that rising to the irrational just fuels the fire !!!! - but I like your thoughts !

It’s your garden. Let them grumble. If they hate people so much they should have bought a house in the middle of a field.

Ignore it OP

Maybe they thought you 'copied' them, or took their ideas. Are the decking similar? Not that that justifies their snub.

Are the trees between the decking? Whose trees are they? Could you cut them back and replace with bamboo fencing to keep the privacy element?

If the trees are hanging over your fence just chop them back.
I must admit that I am pissed off with my neighbours as, after 20+ years of living next door to us and socialising down the opposite end of the garden from us, they have decked all down our side of the fence. There is a water feature that gurgles day and night, a stinking fire pit, and an outside couch so the son sits on it fagging all day and they sit there of a summer evening laughing and chatting when I’ve got to get up for work.
Plus the fact that they have put stones up against the bottom fence panel and broke 3 of them 😡😡

@Lockandtees - totally get what you say - however as we are locked between two gardens - which did we choose ? The other neighbour would have had exactly the same issue, as their decking is up against our other fence. We are sandwiched between the two houses. I just don’t think you can expect that type of privacy in a suburban garden. The husband chatted with my husband over the fence as he was working - about what he was doing. We think it comes from her.....

@DinosaurDiana. That sounds awful - no water feature and no fagging teenagers here.

Is your decking particularly high so the fence feels lower ? Also it may be difficult to all sit in such close proximity. Could you put trellis up as screening?

@goatsgalore. Trees are a separate issue - they used our request to deal with trees in a different spit as an opportunity to make their objections known !!!!

@LIZS. We built an higher fence around our decking - it’s in the left hand corner and they have a wall round their decking in their corner, so we can’t see each other and can’t actually hear each other.

@tatasa - maybe. Nowt so funny as folk as they say !!!

They are being precious. You built decking in the sunny spot,; they did too.
I also like Bluebells answer.
The truth is, in the suburbs on a still evening, sound carries across many gardens; even if you had plonked your deck in the middle of your garden, chances are you’d hear voices. Doesn’t mean you would actively listen though 🤷🏻‍♀️

[quote pieminster34]@goatsgalore. Trees are a separate issue - they used our request to deal with trees in a different spit as an opportunity to make their objections known !!!![/quote]
Not really a desperate issue as if they are your neighbours and overhanging- trim them back and if they are yours cut them down and replace with something on top of the fence?

If someone did this to me, this wouldn't even enter my head. You're entitled to put what you want where you want in your garden. Presumably if you had built the decking on the other side it would be in the shade? I have neighbours one side of me who have about 5 million kids. It can be miserable in the summer, they're always screaming and shouting, their ball keeps coming over and they keep kicking it into the fence. I'm worried that something will hit my toddler one day. But what can you do?