Anyone with an 18 year old teen not going to uni ?

[Meinelieblingskatze]

Ds 1 is currently in his last year of A'levels studying physics, geography and CS. He's bright but dyslexic. Did well in gcses but winged it. He does the work but never beyond what is expected. Expected A'level grades are c's. Suspect he would have done far better with a btec extended diploma but obviously he knew better
He's adamant that he doesn't want to go to uni and is realistic enough to know that he'd struggle to get a place with those grades anyway. He's applied to do an apprenticeship in IT/cybersecurity and is currently waiting to hear back from various companies. His sixth form college isn't impressed and we've received several letters and emails asking why he hasn't completed UCAS form.
Tbh I'd be happier if he was going to uni but have belatedly had to accept it probably isn't ideal for him. He wanted to join the RAF for a long time but that's out because of an eye condition (keracotonnus). He was gutted but has pretty much now moved on. Thing is it seems he's in a minority. Most of his friends have applied. As have most of my friends' kids too.
Anyone in a similar situation ? My fear is he won't get one. He can't drive yet either so schemes with BT and BAE systems are out too. BT ask for a driving licence and BAE is too far on public transport. Any advice !

Hi OP, yes my DS is in almost EXACTLY the same position, except he's a year ahead of yours. He finished A-levels in summer 2019 and did ok (BCC) but not as he was predicted (ABB).He's very bright, but always struggled with exam conditions. He was/is adamant that he's not going to Uni and that's mostly because he doesn't want to take on the student debt - and I've always agreed with him that uni isn't for him. The problem is that he doesn't know what he wants to do.

He took a gap year and had so many things planned, and then Covid happened in the middle of it. He's been sitting in his room for a year now and is SO angry. He's been applying for apprenticeships, but having done one virtual assessment day, he's not sure if that's for him either. I'm not sure what the future holds for him, but with so much uncertainty at the moment, I'm not adding to the pressure he's already putting on himself. I'm reflecting on my own path to where I am and reminding myself (and him) that the path may not be a straight one, but he'll find his route at some point.

Me too. My ds decided after receiving his predicted grades, which were good but not necessarily good enough for where he wanted to go. He told school he didn’t want to apply & they didn’t try to persuade him. He has no plans to do anything & it is very sad as he is really bright. Problem is he’s not looking for a job or planning to get an apprenticeship either, he is just going to play games. It’s causing me a lot of stress but I know he couldn’t cope with University right now. He doesn’t want to learn to drive either. He has always been unable to motivate himself and I suspect has underlying issues but he won’t discuss anything & hasn’t stepped foot out of the house since school broke up for Xmas on 18/12. He’s barely left his room 😕

Thanks for your replies. I feel so sorry for young people at the moment. Everything seems to have been put on hold and all the certainty in their lives has just been taken from them. My son chose to attend our town's sixth form college and was enjoying new found independence, tentatively making new friends etc He's not been in properly for weeks and spends most of his time in his room, hunched over his computer. He's said that if he's not successful in getting an apprenticeship he'll get a job. I'm not sure how easy that will be in the coming months considering the potentially poor economic climate to come.
He's no inkling to drive either. He's got a bus/train pass that gives him free travel at the moment but when that ends he may well change his mind !

Yes, don't know what his plans are. He's only doing a level 2 course. He did a year of A levels but by the time he decided he hated them (last July) he couldn't get onto level 3 so is now behind where he (and I) would like him to be.
He's not bothered about University, there will always be opportunities later in life if he decides that's what he wants to do. He's not interested in driving either. He has his provisional and the money to do them. I don't think the pandemic is helping. We are all at home cosseted in our own little world.

University isn't the be all and end all and it isn't the right path for everyone.

An apprenticeship in IT/cybersecurity sounds like a good plan to a successful and well paid career and could lead to degree level qualifications without having to take out student loans.

It could be that, in a few years time, he'll be established in his IT/cybersecurity career, earning a decent salary and be well on the way to a degree that his employer has paid for, while his peers are just graduating, with no job and £50k+ in student debt hanging over them.

I know what position I'd rather be in, and that's what I did as it happens. I got a technical job after A levels and did a degree on part time day release. I still work in the same field and have multiple professional qualifications, a decent salary considering that I've never done any 'big jobs' that expect you to commit your entire waking hours to your employer and a good work life balance.

Has he looked at any of the trades? There is so much money out there to be earnt if you are good at your job and take pride in your work. Plus it can open up lots of new paths along the line. My DH was not academic at all, barely a handful of GCSEs to his name. He trained as an electrician and dibreally well. Then joined the RAF in a relevant field (I know your son couldn't do this, but other options might be available?) and he now works in the transport industry earning 3x my wage. I've got an MSc. My FiL is a landscape gardner. Hugely dyslexic and didnvarious jobs after leaving school. Got work in a garden nursery and loved it before branching off on his own. His only problem now is trying to fit the work in, he's never short of jobs at all and brings home a great salary. Says it's the most satisfying job he's ever done.

Agree about the trades too. A lot of the lads I know who went into trades (roofing, truck mechanic, joiner) at 16 now own their own firms and are some of the most successful people I know.

Hi OP. My ds is 20 and we always knew he wouldn't be going to uni. He has no SN, but he doesn't have any particular academic bent either. What we told him was that he would have to get a job or an apprenticeship. Apprenticeships were thin on the ground even before Covid, but he is currently working at KFC and has applied to do a vocational course in plumbing next year. Driving is something he will need and he was booked to sit his theory test when lockdown got in the way.

I do actually feel quite positive about his future: he is proving himself to be a conscientious and reliable worker who does what he is supposed to even when it is boring and not very rewarding. That bodes well for the future. Working has been good for him in many ways: he is a far more mature person than he was 2 years ago, and if he gets another chance I am sure he will make the most of it.

As for uni, I'm a lecturer. I see enough youngsters who have no particular bent for academic studies and no particular interest in them either, who are only there because their parents or their school expected them to. They are the ones who end up falling behind, stop going to seminars, and I'd say they make up a good 90% of the ones who get caught in plagiarism and cheating.

My dd was very driven, but her dream was to go to drama school and she had a number of health issues so ended up having to apply 3 years in row. In the meantime she worked at one of the large coffee chains. Again, I think it was very good for her: she learnt all sorts of soft skills that have proved useful since and holding a job down was good for her confidence. She is now about to graduate from drama school but still speaks fondly of her time as a barrista.

What I think we got right was to acknowledge that work can be difficult to find but insist that they had to treat job seeking like a job and keep going until they found one.

After all 50% of the population do not go to uni so it can hardly be a massive failure not to.

Thanks for some of the suggestions. Really good advice. A while ago I asked him if he fancied learning a trade. He admitted that he actually enjoyed making things, using his hands - he'd done a little woodworking project with his dad which he really got stuck into. I think that's why he fancied an apprenticeship as an engineer with BT, getting out there and doing something practical rather than being stuck in a classroom. I might mention about learning a trade if he doesn't get an apprenticeship.
@corythatwas Your comments about dropouts struck a chord. I experienced quite a bit of pressure from my parents to go to uni back in the mid 80s. I ended up on a course that I didn't enjoy and subsequently left. Fortunately no tuition fees on those days !
Funnily enough @Jasperjosephjulian my dp is a gardener. He came from quite a deprived background, got no academic qualifications and left school at 15/16 but fortunately has a great work ethic. Finally got a job with the council back in the 80s and they sent him to horticultural college. He too now has his own business and can't fit in any more customers !
I think as parents we get a bit anxious if our kids don't follow a well trodden path !

@Meinelieblingskatze
My DS is doing similar to yours. My older child didn't go either & got a job instead. Uni would not have worked out for them, but the job (albeit with occasional furlough) has given them experience & head-space to start thinking about the future.

Uni isn't for everyone. I'm ok with that for my children. Unfortunately, there are people, including some schools, who think it's a disaster if they don't go. I also think that some schools aren't that familiar with apprenticeships. DS has had to sort his applications out himself. There has been next to nothing in the way of advice about what to do if you don't want to apply to UCAS.

Thank you for starting this thread, sometimes it feels like we are a minority where we live because so many young adults go to uni. I get funny looks when I say my eldest didn't go.

Another here with a frustrated and bored 19 year old( just) whose year out turned into a year in his room pretty much. Missing out on so much that he should be doing at this age.

Agree they are missing out on all the usual experiences that we had, good and bad !
Tbh my son is a bit of a homebird. Not a massive socialiser, has friends but certainly not into going out to clubs, getting drunk that kind of thing. I actually think staying at home with all those familiar comforts is a safer option for him rightly or wrongly. Saying that he really fancied joining the forces and doing an apprenticeship with them in tech. I think the structured way of life appealed to him. I was actually quite surprised how many opportunities there are in the forces.

Being at home was definitely safer for my eldest, certainly in terms of mental health.

DS says there seem to be more apprenticeships being advertised on the government apprenticeships website now, compared to before Christmas, which sounds positive.

The recruitment & selection process seems to be far tougher for higher level apprenticeships than the UCAS process (not that I am dismissing the hard work of anyone trying to apply for uni). There have been several rounds of online aptitude tests & online interviews, all weeks apart, but with tight deadlines for preparing for them. It seems to be taking ages!

We've talked about the fact he might not get anything this year, & he hasn't applied to uni. His back up plan is to find a job, or do some volunteering, & apply again.

I think I am more relaxed about it because we've already been through having a child who didn't go, & who wouldn't have got the grades anyway. It was scary the first time, but turned out ok.