How to deal with criticism

[Woodlandbelle]

I am struggling and have for a long time. Mainly dm. I do try an lessen contact but that's not ideal. Also I am a bit sensitive at work and so on.

But dm will comment on dc. Clothes look a bit worn (if they have new clothes on she doesn't mention them). She never comments on my career except to say she hopes I leave soon (well paid safe job she is on benefits)

She shows me photos of people and tuts and the mother of the bride kissing her daughter (says its fake). My wedding day she said was the worst day of their friends life as they had a row and separated after.

It's just everything and anything. If I pull away my df shouts that they did everything for me and makes a sign (touches his forehead) as if I was going mad.

I spent most of the weekend crying. I can't go no contact. I am falsely nice just to keep the peace but it kills me. She has tonnes of friends despite treating them so badly. I have very few as I can't seem to deal with people.

Why can’t you cut contact? Are they actual reasons or has she just ground you down so far that you’re worried about the consequences?

What is it that makes it so difficult - do you live with them or rely on them for childcare?

No I don't live with them and don't rely on them for anything. Haven't done so since I was a teen. I was very self reliant even through college years and so on. Even for my birthday she got me bubble bath and laughed and said you're probably allergic to that then said the cake tasted like margarine. But I cut contact before. She has told everyone and I know people have been funny with me since. But she puts on a show for them. They don't see what she is like.

That’s not really a reason why you have to stay in contact. It’s ok to cut off a parent if they are treating you so badly you’ve got yourself into this state. And I’m not minimising how easy it is; I’ve done it myself.

At some point, you have to make a choice between your health and maintaining the status quo. Can you imagine coping with this for the next 20, 30, 40 years? Bearing in mind she’s likely to want closer contact the older she gets? What other people think doesn’t matter. Who cares if they don’t understand your reasons? They aren’t your friends; their opinion is irrelevant.

Thanks so much. I can't cut contact (I tried the guilt killed me)
I think she is ill and unhappy. I have to tell her very little and keep busy but it's hard as I am furloughed and she visits. Then is doom and gloom for an hour or two.

Luckily I dh deals with his elderly mother and her woes so I only have one side to deal with.

Have you had a look at the Stately Homes thread? Lots of people on there going through the same thing who will be able to provide you with support.