Did anyone else have a rubbish time at university?

[Magda16]

Just that really, I'm interested to know. Universities have been in the news a lot recently obviously, and lots of people talking about the 'student experience'. It's got me thinking back to my own student experience, in the late 1990s/early 2000s.
I went to a very prestigious university, from a state school in the Midlands. Had an absolutely miserable time, and was bullied. I've always felt like a bit of a failure over it really, I mean, who doesn't have a great time at university? So I was wondering, anyone else there who hated it?!

Like you I went to a state school in the Midlands and got myself into a prestigious University. I also didn't enjoy it at all and struggled to make friends or find my place. My first year was particularly bad with a couple of difficult incidents, second year passable but I always felt I didn't belong and while I wouldn't say I was bullied I found myself feeling looked down upon, or I didn't think I was good enough maybe. I took a year out in year 3 and worked overseas (which was amazing!), as I wanted to get away from Uni then came back the next year and finished my degree, but again it was not the greatest as my friends had graduated the year before. I was probably depressed looking back. It wasn't always terrible, but I wouldn't want to repeat it.

Me too. I just remember the loneliness. I’ve never felt as alone as I did as a fresher staying in halls of residence. For some reason I was put in an all female halls full of international students. They all stuck together and even had the best rooms with for eg an en-suite bathroom - I guess they were paying for them and the University made a ton of money out of them.

Before I went I thought I’d be really busy studying all the time but the reality was i only had about 4 lectures a week 🙄 I just remember spending time wandering around the campus and the library looking for stuff to do!

Because I hardly had any lectures & my halls of residence had no one really to become friends with, I didn’t make all these friends I’d assumed I’d make. I remember clearly in the first few months a couple of girls leaving - I wish we could have become friends, but I only saw them when they were packed up ready to go. So strange to think of my halls of residence now as I remember them being eerily quiet with no signs of life. When I watch TV & see dramas about university students, their halls are always so loud with constant partying! My halls were locked at 11 pm (I guess to protect the international students maybe?)

I did make some good friends but boy was I lonely. I’ve never felt that same sense of loneliness ever again thank god!

@SarahAndQuack

I was pretty unhappy, though there were good bits. Some of it was just that my personal life was imploding at the time. But also just culture shock. I went to a very stuffy Cambridge college from a private girls' school. We'd all been taught to believe we were really privileged and fortunate, and also taught that it wasn't polite to harp on about it.

It absolutely stunned me that this college was dominated by braying old Etonians and similar who imagined anyone from north of Cambridge itself was 'northern' and therefore poor and stupid. Also that if you had had a private/public school education you should boast about it.

I remember on the first day someone pointed out I'd misspelled something, and when I said calmly 'oh yes, I'm dyslexic' they literally burst out laughing and said I couldn't possibly be or I'd never have got in. Then two lads came round saying they were 'introducing themselves' to everyone and asked me and the other girl on my staircase where we were from and where we went to school. I was from Nottinghamshire and she was from Middlesborough, so they concluded we were 'both from the same area'. We got that the whole time we were there.

I just remember feeling the whole place was full of super-confident types who all seemed to know each other and who took over all the clubs and societies. I just really liked my subject and I'd imagined chatting about it with other people who enjoyed it too, but I ended up feeling a bit stupid and didn't work anything like as hard as I should have done. I ended up really struggling and the college didn't really provide the sort of support it should have done (I now know much more about what was going on at the time, and they had some pretty hair-raising issues around student support, so I was actually relatively lucky!).

I wish I'd known at the time that a lot of people who seem very confident are anything but.

Barring the Nottinghamshire bit, I could have written this! I did meet some nice people too, but was shy and on the edge of the big groups that formed, making me easy prey for an older guy who isolated me from everyone else. By the time I broke up with him in, I was a bit of a wreck from it all and he'd told everyone I was nuts. I spent a lot of time in my room, failing to study.

My parents were SO proud of me for getting in, so I never dared to tell them or anyone. This is probably the most I've said or written about it ever, it's such a huge regret for me - I see all these lovely people from my college and subject on FB and they are still so close, and I see all the amazing activities and groups I could have been involved with, and I just wasted it all, feeling sad. Life did improve after though, and I had fun as a young professional in London, even graduating into the financial crisis, so all is really not lost for today's young teenagers!

Yep but I didn’t do university the usual way, I already had small children and a part time job to juggle so I was perpetually stressed and utterly exhausted. I did meet one good friend though and obviously now have a decent career so it wasn’t so bad in the end. At the time I seemed to get sick constantly, combination of germs from my DC at nursery and just being stressed and knackered all of the time.

This is me
Northern poly early nineties.
Poss asd, social anxiety, naive, working class, 18.
Struggled massively. Expected everyone to be the same / similar. Wasn't expecting the diversity of people. Had a crap houseshare in year 1 with a couple of bitchy girls. Underperformed in studies. Had a much better time on msc, met dh.

I went to a very good northern university in the early 80s and still got hassle from snobby public school types in my halls for being northern . I'd been to a good grammar school and had good A levels but this lot made me feel like I didn't belong there.

I struggled a great deal socially, being extremely shy and quite quirky. I had a bit of a breakdown in my second year but managed to recover and get through my degree. Although I made a handful of friends the friendships sadly haven't lasted. I never really found my tribe.

I was much happier in the years after university, tbh.

I hated it. Left halfway through and have never regretted it.

I'm not a big party girl So I always felt like I was faking it, spent most of my time there editing what I thought I 'should'
be doing rather than doing what I wanted

I liked it mostly - but it wasn’t brilliant and certainly not the “best time of my life” as the cliche goes. I preferred sixth form, and I really enjoyed my years as a young professional in a big city. I am also very happy now (40s, teenage children, interesting job, lovely partner).

Uni wasn’t the worst time of my life - that was when I was mid thirties with small children, a stalled career and a dismal marriage - but it certainly wasn’t utopian and I have a mixture of memories of it.

Mixed. Lived with a boyfriend then a hall too far from campus but nice people then on campus in a room that no one wanted with a couple of odd people and a posse from London.

My self esteem was so low as I lived with parental alcoholism and was in a stable but cold home environment of my parents marriage which had ended years before really. I had zero confidence or direction and I am not sure my course was a challenge. I didn't understand how to learn, I photocopied everything and read hardly none of it, or tried to rote learn. I never spoke up in lectures and chose easy courses with no exams. I was hiding from my true self really. However I did have a good friend who visited me and I am glad I went than didn't on balance. I have no friends from Uni, except one on Facebook.

I would have preferred a much smaller campus in the middle of nowhere.

Went back to do a Masters and tried to have a better experience- its too much in 1 year to have much of a social life though. It also depends on the Uni, where I did my Masters was a Russell Group University and my god there were so many clubs as opposed to my ancient drab first Uni.

I think I hoped my autism and mental illness would disappear when I went to university and I'd become a totally different person — an industrious social butterfly, rather than a socially-clumsy layabout.

I loved 6 th form and had always wanted to be a primary teacher so had to go . I went to a teacher training college dept of a midlands big University in the mid 70’s. I never really did the social thing as didn’t drink alcohol and was on a really small budget.
My main subject was music and everyone on my course was so much more talented than me. The course was hard and full on with weeks and weeks of teaching placements. Not allowed to miss any lectures, it was really like a boarding school.
I only made one good friend and don’t look back on it as a brilliant experience more than a means to an end for following my chosen profession.
My 2 eldest sons went to universities in the late 90’s early 2000’s and had a brilliant time, lots of friends who they still see and have very successful careers. My youngest son went mid 2000’s and found it uninspiring and has a job that doesn’t need a degree ( which he is happy doing) and has £27000 student debt to show for an experience he probably didn’t get a lot out of. In fact I think he only went because he saw his brothers loving the whole experience so much.

Mixed, mid 1980s. Got the best degree I could have possibly got, family and friends very proud of my achievements, and respected for the career that has followed. No abuse or bullying.

However, looking back I will not say where I went, but I term it now as the University of the Boring.

I was bullied for 2 years with my fellow course mates threatening to beat the shit ojt of my when I left my room

1st year was good in halls.
2nd year was a fuck up as lived too far from halls - and weekends were crap.
3rd year was better - had a much better place to live and much nearer campus.

Made some friends - but lost contact with them as moved on and away.

My life since then has been similar.

Thank you for all your posts - it’s so reassuring to know I’m not the only one! It’s funny, the crap time I had at uni really affected my self confidence for years afterwards, but I’ve not had any trouble making friends since, and my career has done ok. Which makes me realise that maybe I was just unlucky with who I met.

I found it ok but I lived near enough I could go home at weekends if I wanted. I had a group of friends/housemates who I got on with but was not close with.I am a person who is happy in my own company and I think I would have struggled massively otherwise. Until my final year all my lectures had 160 people + in them so you really were anonymous. I never made the life long friends that you hear other people make at uni and if I am honest I cannot for the life of me remember the names of some of the people who I shared a house with. Even today I realised it how different my uni experience was to others. My Dad in his 70s rang me very upset that someone he went to Uni passed away. It has been decades but they regularly along with many from that class would ring each other regularly and have a catch up weekend every year.

St. Andrews, from a northern comprehensive, late nineties.

Hated it.

I didn't, but probably because I commuted and didn't live in. I had a BF at home and didn't want to move away, so it was really long days having to be on the bus for 7am and getting back 7-8pm every night.

I went to an university in the south from a coal mining area in the north. I was laughed at for my accent and for being from the north. I hated halls in the first year. Drink and drugs. Laughed at for not indulging. Spent a lot on train fares. Failed first year exams, retook in the first week of September and was allowed to join year 2.

Year 2. Was vulnerable and got caught up in the Christian Union, one person of which told me that if my dying GM didnt convert to Christianity before her death she would go to hell.

Year 3. Horrible, dirty digs shared with 3 other women. Spent a fortune on train fares.

Ended up with a 2:2.

Amazing to see so many people here in a similar boat - @SarahAndQuack, @Magda16, @Bloatstoat and others.

I went to Oxford from a northern comprehensive. I spent the entire three years being ridiculed by my peers for having a regional accent and not dressing like them. Apparently wearing your collar down is infra dig - who knew?! I did have some positive experiences, but I only really made one friend (from a Nottinghamshire private school - wonder if it's the one mentioned up-thread!).

It's bizarre, because I went on to do further study at a London uni, and found it the polar opposite - there were plenty of posh types, but people of all social classes mixed easily and nobody cared about my background there.

I now work in one of the traditional professions and am solidly middle-class. My husband went to public school and his parents are wealthy. He didn't go to Oxford. We've ended up in the same job, from two very different backgrounds!

@StoneColdBitch ah yes, the up turned collars, the rugby, the discussions about where your school was in the league tables.

Hell, I’m going to have nightmares tonight, aren’t I?

First year was crap. I was a sheltered, naive and immature 18 year old from a respectable private (not public!) school. I was desperate to leave home but so unprepared, I’d been hot-housed at school and university was so different, just left to get on with it. Halls was a nightmare, the girls on my corridor all took against me for being “posh”. Second and third years were much better socially and much worse academically. I got a 2:2 which I’ve never used. If I had my time again I’d do something vocational or not go at all.

It was ok but it didn't live up to expectations. I didn't make a big group of friends like I expected and have only 2 friends left from uni now (at almost 40), and although one is a very close friend she's away from the country a lot and the other now lives in another country. I wasted years with an unsuitable boyfriend because I was basically quite lonely.

I'm glad I went but I had a lot more fun at sixth form and later in my mid twenties while working

Interesting thread, brought back a lot of memories and many not good.

Grew up in what’s now considered a very deprived northern town. Went to a ‘good’ religious school and got top grades. First in my family to go to Uni in mid-1990’s, didn’t have a scooby what was going on and no one to guide me. Not sure I had expectations other than I was expected to go to Uni from school so I went through the application process and my parents encouraged it but ‘followed me’ so to speak.

Chose on location as much as course so ended up doing law at a good ex-poly (didn’t even know what that was) requiring A/B’s but v low requirements in other courses.

Got there and lived in Uni housing in the middle of the red light district. Awful. My house of 6 in a little commune of houses was made up of people with little academic interest or talent (this was pre-Uni fees days) taking copious amounts of drugs, to v rich people whose parents paid for everything and they had cars - at Uni - mind blown! I fit in neither group. I liked a party and probably spent too much time with that group as the rich kids wanted nothing to do with me. My parents are working class but professional roles who earned too much for me to get a grant but didn’t have enough to support me. They sent me £20 a week or something which I was grateful for and always a big food shop but they just didn’t get it and thought loans and a part-time job was ok. Major financial problems. 2 girls in my house had older boyfriends so in essence moved out in the first term and I was left with the boys. Very clichy on my course and had zero friends on it. From the houses I know there was well over 50% drop out rate by year 2, either kicked out or dropped out.

I had some great nights out but was lonely and stressed the whole time. Looking back
ill equipped to deal with it emotionally, financially etc. Totally disorganised as no clue where to even get information and where to go.

Unrelated I ended up in hospital with a serious lifelong medical issue that really changed my life trajectory and I dropped out. No pastoral care at all so felt I couldn’t continue and lack of friendship group/mature enough to handle some life experiences.

Subsequently have an MBA and done v well but it’s been a major feeling of failure for years and set me back early in my career. I struggle to go back to the city as it’s triggering for me, it was that bad. I’m not in contact with anyone except my DP and haven’t been since I left. I’ll advise my DC in a way no one could me. My nephew has now gone to Uni doing the same course. Has done spectacularly well and I speak to him regularly as have provided a lot of guidance. I’m so proud but totally honestly am a small bit jealous my experience was so different.

That was a cathartic post.

It was OK, I got a good degree and forged a good career out of it. But I grew up in the sticks and never had a part time job or been able to have much of a social life, as my school was an hour away from home.

Went to Uni in London, got a part time job the first weekend I was there and discoverd the more shifts I did, the more money I made! So when I wasn’t in lectures or studying, I was working behind the bar in a Beefeter. I didn’t make any real friends at Uni, but socialised with work colleagues instead and made enough to buy my own house at the end of my 2nd year. So no regrets. The fling I had with one of my tutors is another story altogether.....