Dilemma - Work related

[Geronimorlassie]

This is something i would just like some opinions on. This has honestly caused me a lot stress and a lot of thinking out loud with my closest friends. But still no resolution in my mind. And a decision is looming. I am soon going to be forced into making a decision.

I am currently relieving in a higher position than my normal permanent position.
My normal permanent position: very competent. Exceed requirements of role. Leave office every day happy. Know i do a good job. Everyone happy. No stress. Its all easy. Average pay.

Current relieving position: Some parts of job very very good at. Other parts of job really badly struggle at. Leave job at end of day some days feeling quite down in knowing i have done really shit job. But have very supportive boss. But to be very honest ....the other officers at this level much exceed my performance in the role.

I have done the higher job for a year. And am much improved than starting. But there are some aspects of the job i just still struggle with so badly.

I now need to decide if i want the higher role permanently (I need to apply). Do i even apply.
Cons: not feeling competent in everything. not sure i ever will be. go home stressed about work and feeling crap often.
Pros: boss is supportive (but he has proven in the past to be overly optimistic - supportive to people who dont deserve it). will make huge difference to my retirement monies. Am very very good at certain parts of job.

I am early fifties with no partner and no children. My retirement is all on my shoulders. I have no chance of any inheritance and at this time i have no house that i own (i rent) and no real savings.

Is your assessment of being crap at some aspects realistic or imposter syndrome?

If your boss is overly supportive of you, what might happen if they leave and are replaced with someone who is less favourable about your ability?

Is the ranking of the job so high that you would find it difficult to move to a lower grade job in future if everything went tits up? Is there a middle option of going back to your substantive job and using the experience you've gained to find a better job but not as senior as the one now?

Hi Plexie,

thank you so much for thinking about this. :)
I am being realistic in my crap assessment. The job is diverse - 3 major aspects: legislative knowledge (me ok), analytical, concept forward thinking (me utter crap), supervisory/training (me very very good). Unfortunately the analytical forward thinking is the most highly regarded in this role.

My boss : knows me....worked together for many years....wants to keep me. But we are 1 team of many. They can reshuffle at any point...i may transfer to a boss who is surprised by my lack of skills.

I can go back to my permanent lower job at any moment. This is a level where i actually exceed the requirements of the job.

The current higher job is a couple of levels higher than my permanent job. There are very few positions available in between. This is an anomaly often commented on but never fixed.

I dont know what to do. Go back to my easy job. Easy days. Absolutely no stress. Get up every day knowing it will be a good day at work. But average retirement.
Apply for new job (which i may easily get due to new legislation - not merit and equity). Constant learning curve. Go home stressed. Wake up going oh shit. Feeling like i dont understand. But currently having boss who is very supportive.
Massive positive change to retirement monies.

How likely is it that you can improve on the bits you are not so good at? Would it help to pinpoint exactly why you aren't good at those bits. Are you 'good enough'. I think we can often think we are not good at stuff which actually means we are not A grade but actually is it good enough to get the job done by being B grade.