Should I be worried about my sister?

[SpicyEnchiladas]

My sister moved abroad with her husband twelve years ago. She was the bubbliest, liveliest and most chatty person that I knew of. She had two children since then, but after her second son (he's 3 now), she seems to be a completely different person. She went quiet, not quite engaged on our family's What'app group, posting nothing at all on her facebook, always in rush to end the call which is understandable with a toddler around, but she also does it when he's asleep.

My mum visited her last year and she also noticed that my sister prefers to be alone most of the time. It's not helping that her husband works very long hours and she has to do all the children raising and house duties on her own.

We spoke this morning and I informed her about an acquaintance who passed away and she said that she feels secretly jealous whenever she hears someone's dead. She said that this life is full of shit and responsibilities with no end that it's not worth living. I tried to change the subject and sent her a cute picture of our cousin's newborn and her only comment was " I feel sorry for X (our cousin), her life is ruined but nobody will tell her that".

I told her that she sounds very exhausted and I promised that as soon as we can travel again, I will be keeping her children so she can go on a long holiday with her husband. She laughed and said "Never mind, I'm fucked forever!".

She did tell me that she had PND after giving birth and was seeing a professional about it, but she won't open up anymore. I'm so worried about her and feel completely helpless as to what can I do? Any ideas please

I’m so sorry OP that must be so hard for you.

Keep talking to her, as much as you can, and let her know that you are there to support her, whatever and whenever.

Really listen .

She is trying to tell you she is feeling bad, and that it is possibly all too much for her. I know it’s hard but asking her honestly how she feels is best, then you can start to find out how best to help.

It’s difficult if she is so far away I realise. She may have PND or other mental health concerns. We can not diagnose that. But either way she sounds very unwell, and needs some professional support from a GP or hospital. Can you or your family speak with her husband ? Could you chat to him to find out what’s going on?

I hope she gets the help she needs op and recovers soon.

Can you speak to her husband and tell him that you’re worried and why?

@Boysarebackintown

I’m so sorry OP that must be so hard for you.

Keep talking to her, as much as you can, and let her know that you are there to support her, whatever and whenever.

Really listen .

She is trying to tell you she is feeling bad, and that it is possibly all too much for her. I know it’s hard but asking her honestly how she feels is best, then you can start to find out how best to help.

It’s difficult if she is so far away I realise. She may have PND or other mental health concerns. We can not diagnose that. But either way she sounds very unwell, and needs some professional support from a GP or hospital. Can you or your family speak with her husband ? Could you chat to him to find out what’s going on?

I hope she gets the help she needs op and recovers soon.

Thank you so much for your reply. I’ve written a long reply but it has all disappeared!! Basically, her husband is aware that she had PND but from what I understood that his long working hours are contributing factors to my sisters depression. They both know this fully well but they can’t afford to reduce his hours or he might lose the whole package!! It’s very complicated and I completely sympathise with her.

@CoronaIsShit

Can you speak to her husband and tell him that you’re worried and why?

He’s a people pleaser. I’m sure he will tell me that he will do all he can, but then I feel like it will all be forgotten about the next day.

Your poor sister. Does she have any help? A nanny?

She sounds like me a few years ago. It's really hard that she's so far away and that you can't offer practical help. I am not sure what to suggest especially as we cannot travel at the moment, but talking to her and letting her know you're there for her may be the best support you can offer at the moment.

Really imo her DH should be searching for a new job or finding a way to help her. It's hard for me to not immediately jump to "he's a bastard" because that was the case for my ex, but maybe this guy isn't. He should be considering his wife's welfare more though from the sounds of things.