I need to lose weight or I am going to die. But I can't.

[SatanIsAWomanScorned]

This is probably going to be long. Apologies.

I had a good childhood to the outside world but it was tainted by physical and emotional abuse behind closed doors from my mother.

The flipside of this was rewarding me with food, trips out, sweets constantly.

I learned comfort eating from a young age.

I'm now almost 40 years old. I've had 5 children.
I am 17 stone and miserable

I've spend my WHOLE LIFE on a diet, no joke. I've tried everything from WW, SW to keto to low carb to VLCDs to soup diets.

Everything.

I emotionally eat. I have severe depression, anxiety. I am medicated which doesn't help the weight situation.

Im agoraphobic. I barely leave the house (Boris must love me) so I don't move.

Here is the kicker.

Last year I decided I'd had enough. I booked a personal trainer. I joined the gym. I went every day.

Not only did it help me lose weight but it got me out of the house.

I cried everytime I went due to stress, fear, embarrassment but I did it.

Then gyms closed. Everything crumbled.

I can't do it at home. Its not the same. I have no equipment.

Getting out of the house and going somewhere was what helped me. I felt almost normal.

Now I'm hearing gyms won't open till May.
I'm just so sad.

I'm so mad at myself.

I put every lb back on and MORE.
Why do I do this?

Why can't I control this?

@SatanIsAWomanScorned

I have a self help referral phone consultantion in a few days. I have SO MUCH other shit going on mentally that my weight is pretty far down the list of things I wnat to discuss in all honesty, as much as it is affecting me my anxiety, insomnia, behaviour and relationships, auditory and visual hallucinations and panic attacks are higher up on my priority list when I finally speak to someone.

I don't have the money to go private. I am on ESA due to long term mental health issues.

Your weight could be contributing to your anxiety, insomnia and panic attacks so getting physically healthy will improve your mental health. Do you take medication for hallucinations? I don’t know what you mean by “self-help phone consultation” but could you ask your GP to refer you for talking therapy? Specifically a therapist that specialises in negative food behaviours. Once you address your past traumas, you might not comfort eat.

1. Your experience regarding not being able ‘to control this’ is common. You are not unusual to have gone through the diet/regain cycle so please do not use this as a way to shame yourself my more.

1. I think you should go to Food Addicts Anonymous and follow the 12 step programme. It is by far the most effective programme in creating the conditions for an ‘inner change’ that will lead to an external change. You also get personal support.

Admitting your powerlessness to change, and you need help to heal, is the first step in a different direction that is absolutely in your power to effect x

I’m not going to minimise your struggle but I want you to know and believe that you do NOT need a gym or any equipment to exercise perfectly well at home. I will never join a gym again after seeing how effective home workouts are. You don’t have to jump around to get sweaty. You don’t need lots of space. There is so much online to follow for every type of body and movement level and goal.

However. And this is the part none of us wants to hear...exercise is useless in managing weight without a calorie controlled diet. This does not mean cutting out food groups. It simply means taking in fewer calories than you burn. There are lots of ways to do it. I used My Fitness Pal and ate absolutely whatever I wanted, logged it all and came in under my target every day. I found it freeing, not looking at someone else’s diet sheet or plan of what worked for them. I don’t think low-carbing is sustainable long-term and wouldn’t recommend it. Just eat less. The exercise is more for your mood than your weight.

Finally, get outdoors as every day, ideally in the morning when the light is better. It can seem off-putting on a cold, miserable day but it always helps. Just push yourself out of the door each day.

I’m sorry you’re struggling. Life is very hard right now, more for some than others. 💐

There's a thread on the weight loss section for people with BMI over 40.
Come and join us

Oh bless you. Sending an unmumnsetty hug and a big well done for the progress you made last year. Things will start to get back to normal in the warmer weather. You will be able to get back to your personal trainer again.

I have similar issues with comfort eating/food as treat/food as love. I managed to make a start at breaking free last year, and did so not by going on a diet but by aiming to fulfill positives. Eg, I delay breakfast until 11am now, and then lunch until 3. That means I am less hungry in the evening, but also that I don't have to think about denying myself food, just hanging on until 11, or 3 or 7. The food - albeit a smaller meal than I used to have - is a reward for waiting until then.

I've also managed to find a few low cal lunches that I enjoy - salads with low cal dressing and a poached egg, wensleydale cheese n biscuits with celery - things that avoid bread. It's helped me lots and means that I can have a decent sized evening meal

I cut out snacking, but when I feel like a snack I drink fizzy water. That way I am not denying myself, just swapping something else in.

I am rubbish at exercising, but we do have a decent sized hill near us, so I try to get to the top of it 3 times a week. Using a stool, or the bottom step of the stairs to step up and down on ten times is good too. Again, you would not be denying yourself. Just aiming to put in something, that you can reward yourself if you do it. Instead of a food treat, I have a gold star chart, just for myself. If I walk or do steps I get a gold star. Some weeks I got 7 stars, at the start of lockdown. Now its less, but each one is better than nothing. And each one added makes the whole page look fuller. (It's an A5 page. A4 looks too big to ever fill up!) You can also do a Joe Wicks 10 minute work out for seniors in the privacy of a room with a computer screen. Again - 10 minutes gives you a gold star for that day. (You can draw it, you don't have to wait until you buy them.)

You sound really motivated to get started. That's half the battle. Best of luck. Don't focus on what you can't do, or on the slip ups. Just focus on eating one thing healthier than you would have done - and note it down. Don't worry about a whole exercise regime. Just try to find one thing you can do, in the dark, in a quiet room, and do five or ten minutes. Then note it down. Each note, each event is a step towards a healthier happier you. Each day is an opportunity to one thing that day towards your goal of being fitter.

Best of luck.

Sorry, that was long!

Could you commit to going out for a brisk walk for an hour once a day? Or start at 30 mins and work up to an hour.

Just getting out of the house and getting moving would be a great achievement and hopefully as spring arrives it might lift your mood a bit too.

OP I hear you. It’s bloody hard and you can’t beat yourself up about this. You started and the world situation conspired against you but you can return to the gym when things are back to normal. For now you need to go into self preservation mode and it sounds like your mind needs the tlc right now.

I feel the same but disability, lockdown and post covid fatigue just renders me useless by 3pm. With a partner working 13 hour shifts, so goes to bed within a hour of Coming home, I have zero time or energy and really it’s energy rather than time as a late night gym would be ideal for me if they were open

Hi OP

I also have medication issues and weight issues.

Will you mind if I make a suggestion that might seem stupid? And have you got 15 mins?

I'm going to do this now, we could do it at the same time. It's just a little indoor walk before I head back to my desk.

I know that it must feel overwhelming, but can I suggest you start with an easier fix, which is getting optimum nutrition through vitamin and mineral supplements and working on improving your gut health? It's strongly linked to mood, as you might know. Vitamin D and magnesium can help lift mood and banish insomnia. How much of each are you taking in winter? Do you get any exposure to sunshine in summer? If you aren't taking a high dose I'm willing to bet you are deficient. Have you had your blood tested lately? Iron deficiency can make you feel tired and overeat too.
Good luck OP 💐

I am making excuses because I know that in 20 years of dieting I've never been able to lose and be consistent in keeping it off.

It's easy to say 'healthy food only takes 20 mins' and 'just go for a walk'

I haven't showered in 2 weeks or brushed my teeth in about 3 days.

That's how much motivation I have right now.

I do want to try. I do.

I'm just so fucking tired of everything :(

You need therapy. Your eating is closely linked to your trauma and mental health conditions. Wishing you all the best.

I hear you. This isn't just about weight and dieting. Yy to contacting your GP and getting help via counselling for you.

You can only start where you are. You can only take the first step from where you are, not from where others are. In the meantime, would you feel better if you chose one thing to do - a shower? Cleaning teeth? Giving one of your children a hug? Listening to them read for 5 minutes? It's your choice of what to do.

Then each morning choose one thing to achieve that day. If you do more, great. If you don't achieve it, you have tomorrow to try again.

Thinking of you. Best of luck.

Don't worry about your weight right now. You're overweight but you're not going to die. Also you're projecting into the future and it might help if you lived in the moment for a few weeks.
Have a shower and clean your teeth if you can. See it as today's achievement. Tomorrow if you are able set another small goal. Healthy breakfast and a 10 minute walk. Never add a step if you're already struggling with the goals you've set yourself. Build up healthier habits slowly rather than attacking on all fronts from day one. Good luck.

Hopefully this phone assessment will lead to counselling

I fell you OP. I am over 19 stone and in a battle with myself to want to lose weight to feel better about myself and then feeling so shit I can't do anything about it.

I have a disability which prevents me from too much exercise but I know if I just stopped eating so much shift that would help me lose weight. I hate myself and my body but I just don't know what to do to help myself!

When you have your assessment, lay it on the line. Tell them exactly how you feel, don't sugar coat it. You need to be 100% honest to get the help you need. Don't listen to anyone who tells you it's a case of "won't" lose weight. Your weight is currently nothing more than a stick you are using to beat yourself up and you're thinking about this the wrong way round. The weight is a symptom of your mental health. Right now i expect you could no more embark on a healthy eating plan and exercise 5 times a week than you could fly to the moon. You need to look after your mental health. Be kind to yourself and talk to yourself as you would talk to a friend. Don't pile so much pressure on yourself. How much time a week do you spend on self care? What could you use to soothe yourself aside from food? All you've known as your life is that food = love (from your mother). Is it any surprise you comfort eat when you feel low? That's the only way you know to make yourself feel better except it doesn't work.

Perhaps make a list of things you like to do to relax or cheer yourself up. Pin that list up on your cupboard and when you go to comfort it, try one of those things instead.

Hi OP

I empathise so much with you. I've been there. Last year I was diagnosed with binge eating disorder and referred for psychotherapy on the NHS. It took a long while to get a gp to take me seriously but I eventually got there. Binge eating disorder is the least known eating disorder but the most common. BEAT have a campaign and info on their website which is worth a look.

But I just wanted you to know there is help available. I just finished my first 10 week course of psychotherapy. I have a 6 week break then start again for 10 weeks. Its by no means easy. But the psychotherapists are professionals in this area and as part of this I have also been able to link with a specialised dietician. I'm certainly not cured but feeling more in control and positive.