Unfair judgement of my life/circumstances

[ItsnotTheNorm]

Feeling a bit fragile. I think tbh I do well and that as a family we do well.
I have ASD and selective mutism. Nobody knows this so it’s left me open to being harshly judged as I think differences are noticed but there’s no explanation.
I don’t work because I can’t work. That doesn’t mean I’m lazy, but I can’t do it.
I couldn’t do the school run previously again not laziness. I had arranged childcare and my partner has flexible hours.
I am busy and productive and very able within my comfort zone at home. But no I just have to be judged for this.

The easy thing would be to say ‘I have autism and it affects me in these ways’ but why should I explain myself.

Somebody sent me a text. Meant for someone else. But about me, clearly I’m ‘just lazy’ and apparently’indulged’

They're a twat. I'd reply to everyone in the text group with 'How dare you judge me when you don't know what my life and circumstances are.'

@ItsnotTheNorm I understand as i overheard someone at my job saying I'm lazy for working part time & only 8 hour days not 12 hour days. What they don't know is that I have Schizoaffective disorder & epilepsy and I'm on a lot of meds and struggle with even that amount of work.

But I can't be honest because of the stigma.

People can be very judgmental of the way others live their lives and it's very unfair.
I wish I had confronted that person but I didn't and I understand why you feel you don't want to reply to the text.
But if you're not going to take action then you have to try to forget about what was said or it will drive you crazy.
Just be wary of trusting certain people that are not close to.

@IntermittentParps

They're a twat. I'd reply to everyone in the text group with 'How dare you judge me when you don't know what my life and circumstances are.'

Seriously poor advice. You have the upper hand, use it. Be polite, firm and honest. Say the message was hurtful.

I disagree, changingmine. This is not work, where it helps to be calm and professional. Sometimes people need a bit of a kick up the arse.

I can understand OP not wanting to give these details now because it would feel like defending herself (to people who slag her off) rather than willingly sharing information with friends.

I'm autistic and also have adhd. I've been very harshly judged and it still happens, albeit in small ways because I hide from people now and try hard not to interact. It happened in the supermarket the other day though. My sil judges me because I've had to give up my job due to a mental breakdown and severe depression and self harm. She thinks I'm a spoilt, lazy cow no doubt. She knows I'm autistic, but this hasn't changed her opinion of me.

Autism is a difficult one, because, like mental illness, it's a hidden disability and we can appear 'normal' to all intents and purposes. Judging people is a very bad habit to get into because nobody knows what someone else is going through.

You have my sympathies, I don't know what the answer is. Articulating why you can't do something as an autistic is so difficult - I often resort to memes. My spoken language is often garbage and I can end up shouting and swearing then people judge me even more 🤦‍♀️

Simply reply with “I don’t think this text was intended for me” and let the person squirm.

Ime the people who are quick to judge before they know you have something like autism, adhd, dyslexia, selective mutism, hyperthyroidism, etc will be just as quick to dismiss your diagnosis and decide that it’s not a real thing anyway.

But don’t make the mistake of assuming that everyone in the conversation agrees with the dickish person.