Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Childs Father is an Abuser *TRIGGER WARNING*

2 replies

YouWontBreakMe · 01/02/2021 09:14

NC'd for obvious reasons. Also due to ongoing investigation I need to be as vague as possible.

Recently I became aware that DCs father is a child abuser. As far as I know nothing has happened with DC, if anything has happened then it would have been when DC was unable to vocalise what was happening and DC doesn't remember anything. Due to the age of one of the children we know he abused this is entirely possible and sadly probable.

I was not with DCs father for a long time before this has come out. I have had to give a statement at the police station and am now fearful that he may retaliate against me. We have had extra security put in place by the police but I still jump at every little noise when it's late at night.

DC is aware of the situation and is dealing with it far better than expected but I know this could change as time goes on. I'm very up and down. One minute I feel defiant, strong and angry, next I feel destroyed by it all and like I don't know how to deal with anything. I'm terrified of lockdown ending when I'll have to be around other people again because I don't feel like I know anyone or can trust anyone, everyone is now viewed as a potential threat. I feel ashamed, humiliated and embarrassed. I feel tainted and dirty that I have slept with someone who could do this, like I wanted to bathe in bleach to get myself 'clean' again. I'm sure all those feelings are 'normal' for what is happening.

I've been offered no support from anywhere and night times are the worst when there's no distractions from my own thoughts, I've called victim support on those nights and they've been incredible. I do have an amazing partner and good friends who have really got me through these past few weeks and I'm so thankful to them.

The purpose of me starting this thread is because I feel like things are going to get a hell of a lot worse before they get better. More evidence is likely to come to light, I may need to give evidence in court, he may well come and attack me (how has he been let out on bail???) ... anyway, I'm likely to have many sleepless nights and need support. I also have so many questions that maybe people who have been through this can help answer. I'm the type of person who never asks for help, EVER, but I know this is something I'm going to need all the help in the world with and so I'm reaching out to you all here.

For those who have been in my situation, how did your DC handle this? How did you help them deal with it? Any books anyone can recommend for me or DC? I'm already aware of MOSAC website, any others I should look at? Any other advice in general?

(I may not respond quickly all the time as I will not want this to consume me and need to let my mind take a rest - if possible - from thinking about it all)

OP posts:
Palavah · 01/02/2021 09:18

I have no experience in this area but my first thoughts are

  • what makes you think he would want to target you?
  • good that you have experienced sources of support and are communicating with your partner and family. Do you have any practices that you can use to help keep your fears in a box - yoga, breathing exercises, meditation etc?
YouWontBreakMe · 01/02/2021 09:26

Palavah - There is a device I own that he had sole use of during the relationship. When we split I had device back. It hadn't been used since we split and I've handed to the police in case it holds any kind of evidence. As I've done this and spoken to the police at length about his character in general I fear he may retaliate. He has been very violent to women in the past too. He may be more dangerous now he has absolutely nothing to lose?

I don't have any practices really but mediation is definitely something I'll try with my DC, thank you for that suggestion. It's not something I considered but feel might help.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread