If you do all the cooking in your house...

[nyenc]

Who does the washing up / clean up of the kitchen afterwards?

Secondly, are you a clean as you go type of cook or do you make a huge mess?

@HappyFlamingo

I do nearly all the cooking and washing up. But I work part time (4 days a week) whereas DH works full time long hours, so it ends up fair. When he was between jobs for a few months we split it evenly.

I do a bit of clearing up as I go but leave most of it to the end.

Surely when between jobs he should have been doing all/almost all of it? That doesn't sound very fair?

I cook, DH cleans. I make a mess.

DH does both the cooking & cleaning after.

He doesn't like how I clean kitchen. He reloads the dishwasher, re-rinses things, rearranges cutlery or crockery I put away... wipes counters or oven down again. Gets very agitated if any water left on counter or drawer/door less than fully closed. If I start cleaning kitchen but pause to take the recycling out -- he leaps forward to take over while I'm outside & do everything his way. There's zero to be gained by me even trying. He's even fussier about how laundry is done.

We don't cook anything that makes my idea of a big mess. Picture is DH's idea of a "huge mess!"

I do most the floor cleaning or bathroom surface cleans, stuff like that.

I do all the cooking, foodshop and cleaning after.

I’m not well at the moment so I’m not cooking, we had some takeaways and some very ‘interesting’ meals, at least covid means I can’t taste it!

I cook and clear up as I go as much as possible
Husband then washes up ..stacks dishwasher ,cleans oven,worktops washes stuff we don't dishwasher and then washes kitchen floor

I do ALL the cooking but am very tidy. However, as soon as a meal is finished DH clears, washes up and straightens up. Then brings me a cuppa.

I do all the cooking. I’m a make a mess and tidy it after person, mainly because I’m not a great cook and don’t leave enough time haha. He does some dishes but I probably do more. I can’t complain though because he will always take the dog out in the rain so I don’t have to!

@ZackaryQuack

I do both, dh works full time long hours, I'm currently furloughed, so it makes sense that while I'm at home with dc, childcare (ds is 18 months, so no schooling) and housework should be my responsibility.

Although he vacuums and steam mops the floors because I hate it.

Sorry, I didn't answer the second half of your question. It's mood dependant, I'm very messy, so try to clean as I go otherwise the kitchen looks like a food bomb has exploded 🤦‍♀️

We alternate who clears up and the older two DC (11 and 9) also alternate on helping. I cook every weekday although DH often cooks on a Saturday.

I do all the cooking. Husband gets up with the kids and does the kitchen then (yes we leave it over night so we can relax together- gross hey)

And I clean as I go and kind of stack everything next to the sink so not the whole kitchen a mess

I do all the cooking and the washing up in normal times.

Now that DH is WFH during covid, DH will do some.

Years gone by, I had an au pair and worked full time. I cooked, she did the dishes during the week.

I have a cleaner now but I don’t leave any dishes for them

Some times I clean as I go, others not. Depends upon how many ingredients/steps. If there are loads of ingredients and steps, I’m more likely to tidy as I go along

I do some of the immediate tidying and dh does most of the loading and unloading of dishwasher. It's a bit different though because I insist upon cooking because it's my thing I do to relax. It's not because dh wouldn't cook half the time. Actually I don't let him because it's really my thing I do to unwind after a long day (he tends the kids fighting over who gets to have a snack for that hour or so each day).

Clean as I cook.
Dishwasher is normally empty when I do dinner so stuff goes straight in when I'm done with it.
As I plate up I'll put stuff into soak and then everyone puts their dishes in the dishwasher when they are finished.
Not much mess to clear.

Thanks all!

I'm struggling with unequal division of household jobs in my relationship.

I'm messier than him, I admit that, but I feel he uses that as an excuse to do nothing.
Example:
I cook almost all of the time because I love it and it doesn't feel like a chore to me, but I also always end up cleaning up and sorting the dishwasher. He leaves it because he says I made the mess I say 'I made the mess cooking your dinner' he says 'I didn't ask you to'

Which is true he'd live off toast and cereal and isn't bothered about a proper tea. But it's not normal to live off crap food!

In addition to this is everything else, the mental load, all of it. Urgh!

I cook but I am quite a tidy cook. Dh washes up.

I do most of the cooking. DH is usually away midweek. I tidy up as I'm cooking, the children do the rest although I do a final wipe around afterwards.
At the weekend DH takes charge of the washing up.

Are there DC involved, OP? If so, then you need to cook them decent food and it’s only fair he tidy up if he’s in the house at the time and they’re too young to do it all by themselves. Otherwise, you need a chat about food and whether he wants what you cook. If not, then one option is just do stuff you like in batches (so you only cook and tidy once for every four meals, or whatever), tidy up, and he can make himself tea and toast while you have a meal. You may find he wishes to opt in at that point - and then that’s a different conversation.

We do share the cooking, but in normal times (I'm unwell a lot atm) I cook more than DP. I'm pretty good at clearing up as I go, but she'll finish up when we've eaten.

If I cook, I don't clean up. Same for DH and regardless of who's done what that day.

Luckily I really enjoy cooking and do most of it

I clean up as I go qnd dh prefers to do it after. I do most of the cooking so he will clean up whilst I get the kids ready for bed. He then puts one to bed and I put the other child. I am pregnant at the moment and have been quite nauseous so he has done a lot more cooking recently.

At the moment cooking is shared between us as I have had a problem with back pain and can't stand for too long although we have 2 teenage boys who also do their share. We both tend to tidy as we are going along as does DS2 but DS1 is quite the opposite.
DH always clears up after a meal to a certain point. He clears table tidies away left overs fills dishwasher and makes a cuppa. Later on I will check all food is in fridge do any left over washing up and wipe down all surfaces before I go to bed.
I think we make a good team.

@SilenceIsNoLongerSuspicious

Really good advice, thank you.

No Children, he works full time, I've just gone back to uni and can't work due to the nature of my course. I'm fine doing more around the house than him because I have more spare time and he's working long hours. To be fair though it was the same when we were both working full time. Although I don't work we still split mortgage, bills and food 50/50 so he's not contributing more than me financially if it makes a difference. We are both happy with this arrangement it's manageable for me and he's made it very clear he can and will pay more if I'm struggling or if I ever change my mind. He's really good like that, it's just this that drives me mad!

I am going to take your advice. If he wants to opt in to meal times with me like a normal person then he has to do his fair share of cleaning up after. I'm a messy cook but I am
More than willing to make an effort to clean as I go and then him properly clean up afterwards.

If he wants to opt out and sort himself out food wise then that's an odd decision but ultimately his to make. I will batch cook for myself, only cook what I want and clean up after myself.

Just seems like an odd way to live!

@nyenc My DH and I like very different food (I’d eat largely vegan given free choice, he wants meat / fish with every meal) so before DC we’d quite often work it this way. Turned out, that when I cooked what I liked, he’d quite often want to opt in because it smelled nice...

It’s worth buying a pack of individual size takeaway pots with lids, so you can just portion it up and shove it in the freezer for quick meals on other days.

One cooks (mostly me) and the other clears up. We just empty dishwasher as it needs it that's an unrelated task