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Original poster

Slight issue re: Godmother

23 replies

Littlelifedrama · 30/01/2021 21:13

Name changed for this just in case it is outing but I’m a frequent MN user .

This will sound so petty but , I need some advise please and some guidance .

I have a friend who I’ve known for about 9 years, just before I met my DH. Back as teens we said ‘if we ever have kids you’ll be godmother’ . Lighthearted, little comment like you sometimes say as teens that really don’t mean much as adults . Never said anything since.
Fast forward to last year.
I had my first DC last lockdown .
Got text off said friend saying ‘so happy on the arrival of my godchild!’ . Turned up with gifts, card saying To my godchild etc. Really awkward as we’d not had a chat about it since the passing comment as teens. We have since become very close to a friend who means the world to us and has been there through everything and she will be godmother to DC . She’s helped me with DC . Other friend hadn’t even been round or held DC, just dropped gifts at the door. It’s all so awkward.

The issue we have is, how do I tell friend 1 that she’s in fact, not godmother ? DH does t even know her. It sounds pathetic but I feel so cruel and awkward.

Please help !

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 30/01/2021 21:15

Just tell her you are t having your child baptised but she can be honorary godmother. Honestly how would she know

Original poster
Littlelifedrama · 30/01/2021 21:16

@LouiseTrees that’s a good idea thank you

OP posts:
Happylittlethoughts · 30/01/2021 21:19

Have both as God mothers

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Original poster
Littlelifedrama · 30/01/2021 21:25

@Happylittlethoughts I would do that as I know traditionally you can have two god mother’s and a god father but she’s not been here , she’s not met our DC, hasn’t checked in or anything other than delivering gifts but she’s not in my life actively at all so I don’t see how she should have the role as godmother as she’s not been active anyway . That’s the awkward part

OP posts:
Twickerhun · 30/01/2021 21:32

You can have more than one god mother or just be honest

GooodMythicalMorning · 30/01/2021 21:36

I'd just have her as well. ds godfather has only seen him once since Christening, he's nearly 15!

Love51 · 30/01/2021 21:41

My children have fairy godmothers.
They are the only aunties who aren't actually aunties.

Enidblyton1 · 30/01/2021 21:42

I would definitely have her as well, assuming you like her. Many godparents don’t see their god children very often. Also, some godparents are rubbish with babies and young children, but improve with age!

SleepingStandingUp · 30/01/2021 21:45

Do you have a 2nd person you'd like?

I think ultimately it's about honesty.
Look Mandy, I know we always joked about being god parents to each others kids, but we didn't really see each other much even before lockdown and I want Ava's god mother to be someone who's around and see's her

At least that puts the expectations there.

How old is DD?

MaggieFS · 30/01/2021 21:52

Does your DH know her? If not, just say, you're really sorry but obviously you said that to wash other before you were with DH. The Godmother needs to be someone you both know well and as she hasn't been round much, with apologies for hurting her feelings, she can't be the Godmother.

Don't tell any porkies. With social media etc. the truth will out.

Artesia · 30/01/2021 22:06

Please don't lie about not christening your child. I appreciate it's an awkward situation but that feels really wrong, and sort of against the spirit of baptising them in the first place.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/01/2021 22:07

If you had baby onwards of March 2020 how much could she or your new bf spend with your child?

Cheesypea · 30/01/2021 22:12

Congratulations op. You don't need to lie. She may have been a bit tounge in cheek about the godmother thing anyway.

Hyppogriff · 30/01/2021 22:17

I’d just have them both. In fairness she hasn’t been really allowed / able to be very hands on with the child lately ! Or don’t have her but tell her the truth

SE13Mummy · 30/01/2021 23:09

If she's not in your life but dropped round gifts etc. when DC was born, it sounds as though she is in your life enough to know when DC arrived. Get in touch with her, say you'd not realised the teenage Godmother promise still stood given you're not really close to each other any more. Tell her it would be great to have her as one of DC's Godparents if she'd be up for getting to know your DH and DC but that you understand if she'd rather not.

One of my DCs has five Godparents. I wouldn't say any of them is particularly actively involved in our lives right now but they are always interested in how they're getting on etc. which is what was important to DH and me. The other DC has three Godparents. One is brilliant, always remembers birthdays, sends little notes (or texts now DC is a teen) and because they're not local, comes and stays a couple of times a year. The other two are rarely in touch so any Godparenting they do is from afar but each of them is busy with their own family, jobs etc. What I'm trying to say is that if you don't have hundreds of people you want to ask but this friend is keen, why not have her too?

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 31/01/2021 00:40

Are you planning a christening? Otherwise the role of godmother can be applied to anyone whenever. It's not an official title or anything legal. There's no harm in her thinking she's an extra too.

Different if there's a ceremony she won't be involved in.

moanieleminx · 31/01/2021 01:15

Just have multiples. My DC have four, two of each.
The only issue here is if you actively do not want her to be GM

snowliving · 31/01/2021 01:38

Multiple godparents are the norm.
Just have both of them, no great stress.

Pipandmum · 31/01/2021 01:43

Can't see how she could have that much of an active role currently. But godparents are generally not that involved in my experience. Have both unless you really don't want her to be one. Its not like you have to do anything extra about it, after the baptism then thats it the rest is up to her.

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 31/01/2021 01:48

Are you in uk ? If so your friend couldn't really pop round but did drop gifts and have you tried to meet up, maybe time to say something was on receipt of gifts?
But you can have as many godparents as you like

BeanieB2020 · 31/01/2021 01:51

You can have two if that would help avoid any hurt feelings. I think I'd do that in this situation and quietly make sure the one you wanted to take care of your dc if anything happened to you was the one named in your will.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 31/01/2021 04:06

Don't most people (not saying you, OP) just choose godparents based on who will be willing and able to give their children lots of money/gifts throughout their childhood and early adulthood (which, to be fair, she has already shown to be willing to do) - or, to be less cynical, sometimes as a way of simply acknowledging a friendship between the adults?

If you're wanting to go with the official stated purpose of godparents, you'd have to choose the one you most consider able to spiritually mentor and support your child in the Christian faith in the event that neither of you are able to do it - and maybe explain to whichever one you don't choose why you believe the other is in a better position to do so. If that aspect isn't important (or is totally irrelevant) to you, unless you've fallen out with her, it's purely a social nicety, so what's the harm in having two godmothers?

Original poster
Littlelifedrama · 31/01/2021 08:02

Thanks everyone , we will have two . Don’t want to cause any hurt .

Thanks :)

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