Sick of being the 'meh' friend

[feedmepopcorn]

I'm sick of being the 'meh' friend!

The one that's always the crowd if there's 3 of us. Where you feel that you wouldn't be missed if you weren't with a group

(Obviously not now - pre covid!)

My DS is 5 and in school. But he has ASD and is socially awkward - so doesn't get the usual invites to parties etc and play dates. Nor does he want to do that.

I thought I got on well with my neighbours, who also have 5 year old children in my sons class. But it's become apparent that they arrange things without me, have their own group chat etc. I know it's pathetic - but they don't even like my photos on Instagram and Facebook anymore (I don't post loads, just once a week or so).

I've spoken to one of them to find out if id done something to upset them. She just said that she had lots going on in her life and nothing was the matter.

I was talking to another neighbour outside last weekend and she came out and basically ignored me and started talking to the other neighbour. She didn't even look at me.

I can't escape them. They walk the same way as me to school. I don't want neighbourly fallouts.

It's always been the way that I've been the crowd in a group. I think I'm likeable.

I don't really know what I want anyone to say. I'm just getting it all out really.

@feedmepopcorn

Oh bless you you sound so miserable and Low

These people just don't want to hang out with you. It's not you, it's them and their preferences
Just because you have children the same age it doesn't Mean you'll automatically get on

Do you have your own friends? Don't chase a friendship with someone who doesn't want to be your friend. I'm so sorry you feel left out 😟😟 how are you feeling otherwise, are you depressed?

I wouldn't ever leave anyone out. I cant bare excluding people. But it seems to be a thing, amongst adults particularly they just don't want to Include someone and leave them on the edges, with no regard for their feelings

I'm sorry you feel so sad xxx

[quote cultkid]@feedmepopcorn

Oh bless you you sound so miserable and Low

These people just don't want to hang out with you. It's not you, it's them and their preferences
Just because you have children the same age it doesn't Mean you'll automatically get on

Do you have your own friends? Don't chase a friendship with someone who doesn't want to be your friend. I'm so sorry you feel left out 😟😟 how are you feeling otherwise, are you depressed?

I wouldn't ever leave anyone out. I cant bare excluding people. But it seems to be a thing, amongst adults particularly they just don't want to Include someone and leave them on the edges, with no regard for their feelings

I'm sorry you feel so sad xxx[/quote]

Thank you for replying. Xx

That’s exactly how it feels - leaving me on the edges. For instance they’ll wait for me outside my house to walk to school, but talk about things that have just been between them (so I can’t join in the conversation) and walk 2 abreast on the path so I’m either trailing behind them or walking in the gutter to keep next to him. Apart from waiting for me, they make no attempt to include me.

I get that not everyone is everyone’s cup of tea. But it feels like there’s no escape. I can’t not walk with them without causing an upset (and there’s only one way to walk to school). It’s wearing me down, because I can’t get away from it. There’s a group message set up between 4 of us (set up by the 4th person) and they simply don’t acknowledge me on there. I’ve stopped using it, as it just felt like another needle being stuck in me.

I don’t have a huge amount of friends. But I’ve never needed a huge amount. I’ve always been content with just a handful. But since having my son, With his challenges, some friendships have disappeared. And as he won’t do the typical party / play date thing, I’m not having that ‘getting to know you’ time with other mums. My other friendships aren’t local either.

Thank you for replying though. In answer to you question, I’m not depressed. But I’m very down and anxious about the situation. I thought this sort of stuff stopped on the playground at school!

Your people are out there. Keep chatting to dif people and they will appear. The two you describe are your ‘meh’ friends too - be polite but look for better.

Walk to school before them
You won't upset them. Your anxiety sounds simmilar to mine.. it's very controlling. My anxiety really affects what I do/ how I do it

are there any local groups on FB for parents of kids with autism? Join if there are.

do you feel like you are coping day to day?

I agree that there are people who are your type out there and you haven't met them yet

Take control of the situation. Mute the whatsapp group.

Leave for school earlier.
Don't allow yourself to walk in the gutter 😟😟 that makes me so sad

If you don't know what they are talking about then don't walk in the gutter to try to join in.

Do you feel like you could cope going to school at another time to them?

Zzz