How could this lady upset me so much when she didn't really do anything?

[laughoutquiet]

I've just been to the supermarket. Shopping for normal groceries and my birthday treat stuff. I made an effort today to have a positive day (I've been furloughed for a long time) not that I suppose that would effect anyone else.

Waiting in the checkout queue, there was an older lady in front of me who was taking her time and having a chat with the cashier. I really didn't mind. I have all the time in the world at the moment. I tried to smile at the cashier (difficult when masked!) to let her know it was no bother and kept my distance.

My turn and it was like the cashier took immediate dislike to me. No greeting, nothing except the final amount, no goodbye, no thank you. I was a bit put out by this I literally shouted through my mask "good bye" and "thank you", no answer and she turned her back on me.

I left and burst into tears in my car. How ridiculous. What's wrong with me? Just over the cashier not being nice to me??

Sorry for the long rant. Just needed to get it off my chest and gain some perspective.

I had a summer job as a cashier once. I thought it would be fun. It was the most god awful boring tedious soul destroying job ever. Ever since, I’ve always made an effort to be friendly to cashiers, since I have no clue how they do it. Honestly, it’s so SO SO boring. And we used to have these little hitler supervisors too. I’m sure I was cranky to customers. And there was no pandemic, adding extra stress to my already tedious job. It’s completely about what she’s going through and no reflection at all on you.

Staff on checkouts don't generally want to spend all day in inane small talk.

It's normal to exchange greetings though at least where I shop.

Happy birthday OP!

I think the massively reduced real life social contract is making lots of us more insecure and sensitive. Normally we get dozens of small positive interactions per day, but now we are starved of them - particularly if we work from home and live alone - so one snub from a stranger is disproportionately painful.

As the lady in front of you had been taking up the cashier's time by chatting, the cashier probably decided she'd better speed up with the customers behind her and wasn't intentionally rude.

@WinstonmissesXmas

You need to think about what within you has made you take this so personally. I wouldn’t have given this a second thought and certainly wouldn’t think it was a reflection on my character, me, or anything else I’d done. At most I’d have thought the check out person was a bit unfriendly but I wouldn’t have given it a second thought.

So are you saying you wouldn't have given it a second thought? I wasn't quite clear.

That would have upset me too. It’s horrible when you don’t know why people are being hostile to you and have done nothing to deserve it. It’s her problem though, try not to let n unpleasant stranger bother you, and have a lovely birthday.

Happy Birthday, laughoutquiet.

I understand completely how perceived 'little things' can push you over the edge at the moment. I was doing some shopping earlier for a family member. Dropped a box of a dozen eggs bringing the shopping from the car to their house. They all broke. When I got home, I sat and cried. No idea why, but I mean I full on sobbed. Not shed a little tear, but properly bawled my eyes out. Over a dozen eggs.

I'm sure it wasn't personal, perhaps the cashier knew the customer ahead of you, maybe they were a regular who the cashier knows has no face to face contact with anyone else, maybe they reminded them of their Gran.

It's okay to be upset by stuff, a lot of people are struggling at the moment. But please try to have a lovely evening with your husband. Enjoy your champagne.

Sorry you’ve had a shit day. Everything is definitely weird at the moment. Happy birthday. Enjoy the rest of your day and don’t worry about the cashier 💐

Happy Birthday, OP! It's hard at the moment, I find I want to chat to everyone when I am out and about, I am sure people working in supermarkets are probably all talked out and sick of it. I am sure she meant nothing by her behaviour but as the shit show continues, small things are getting to everyone. My teenagers have been very cheerful so far but are beginning to crack and become a bit weepy and I sure I am no better.

Happy birthday OP!

I know what you mean. It's the kind of thing that wouldn't bother you at all in normal times, but she just caught you at a fragile moment. We all have them.

This reminded me though - anyone else who can relate to that deep, deep feeling of self-doubt when a waiter is all matey with another table, but completely business-like with you? It feels so personal somehow Obviously I'm referring to the before-times when restaurants existed.

I just wanted to say thank you for everyone's very kind comments. This really isn't like me and I find it a little disconcerting.

I really wasn't expecting the cashier to chat to me or similar, I was just taken aback by the way she almost completely ignored me. However, I work within a customer facing role so I do understand bad days but also the importance of a "hello" and "thank you".

Such a small event in the grand scheme but it's really played on me! I hope everyone has a lovely weekend

How are you feeling now OP? I have had such a similar situation to you, you are not alone. Rant away if you need too on this thread, and fyi I would 100% return a mask smile to you in the supermarket.

@TronaldDrump thank you! Going to have to practise smiling with my eyes

I'm fine thanks. Just need to sort myself out I think. Been furloughed since March from a very active, social job and I think it's showing now.

I bet she felt a bit guilty for keeping you waiting so made herself feel better by being rude to you. I know that doesn't help and you know it's not personal.

I think saying she was rude is a bit strong

Op you’re likely lonely. So wanted some interaction. She on the other hand is all peopled out. As others said it wasn’t personal..

I think this sounds absolutely normal right now OP, everything is stressful and tense and often a bit rubbish. Cry when you need to, eat cake when you need to.

Last night I cried at something on The One Show and it wasn't even a sad feature Life is just crap right now, be kind to yourself.

I'm so pleased the replies have cheered you up, OP. I love Mumsnetters at times like this! And happy birthday. It's mine next week and we're doing exactly the same - Cote at home and champagne. I hope you enjoy it and have a lovely weekend.

I play a game at my local supermarket with the grumpiest checkout person ever, I will queue in his queue for the sport of the experience even if other checkouts are less busy.
He hates me ( and from studying him, every single person in the entire Universe ) , I turn up at his checkout and am absolutely blisteringly cheerful to him, ask him how he is doing, smile with my eyes the whole time, so cheerful and so many thank you's, each time he throws whatever it is I have had the temerity to buy down the chute at me, I positively trill a 'thank you' , we did have moment when he proper chucked a jar of mint sauce so it nearly bounced off the end off the chute, I managed to catch it mid air, our eyes met and he let out the biggest longest tut I have ever heard.

You tried today @laughoutquiet but you need to keep the random cheerfullness set to stun to really annoy the fuck out of them, think of this as a practice run, next time you will be better prepared

@frumpety

I play a game at my local supermarket with the grumpiest checkout person ever, I will queue in his queue for the sport of the experience even if other checkouts are less busy. He hates me ( and from studying him, every single person in the entire Universe ) , I turn up at his checkout and am absolutely blisteringly cheerful to him, ask him how he is doing, smile with my eyes the whole time, so cheerful and so many thank you's, each time he throws whatever it is I have had the temerity to buy down the chute at me, I positively trill a 'thank you' , we did have moment when he proper chucked a jar of mint sauce so it nearly bounced off the end off the chute, I managed to catch it mid air, our eyes met and he let out the biggest longest tut I have ever heard.

You tried today @laughoutquiet but you need to keep the random cheerfullness set to stun to really annoy the fuck out of them, think of this as a practice run, next time you will be better prepared

Love it!

I think it's understandable given the circumstances that this could upset you. She was rude, she doesn't have to engage in long chat with you but being friendly and polite is basic while you serve people. She might have just been having a bad day though and might have known the other lady personally, so could be why she chatted to her. There's a rude, aggressive woman in my local supermarket who supervises the self service checkouts and seems to have a huge problem whenever she actually has to do her job. People like that can have an affect on you if you're not seeing many people and then get someone like this, it can make you feel shit, but the problem is usually always theirs.

i shopped at our 'local' sainburys- the cashier didn't acknowledge me in any way, and piled my items up faster than I could pack them, dropping a heavy bag of potatoes on top of softer fresh things- (a box of 2 cream eclairs ) spoiling them -

I asked her to be careful, I wanted to eat these things and was silently glared at; when I was leaving she shouted a sarcastic sounding 'thankyou' at me-

none of the other staff there have ever been like this- in fact are very friendly and chatty usually, (-I'm a regular there and we recognise each other- )

she really spoilt my day, - not to mention spoiling dp's and mine little treat!

@frumpety

I play a game at my local supermarket with the grumpiest checkout person ever, I will queue in his queue for the sport of the experience even if other checkouts are less busy. He hates me ( and from studying him, every single person in the entire Universe ) , I turn up at his checkout and am absolutely blisteringly cheerful to him, ask him how he is doing, smile with my eyes the whole time, so cheerful and so many thank you's, each time he throws whatever it is I have had the temerity to buy down the chute at me, I positively trill a 'thank you' , we did have moment when he proper chucked a jar of mint sauce so it nearly bounced off the end off the chute, I managed to catch it mid air, our eyes met and he let out the biggest longest tut I have ever heard.

You tried today @laughoutquiet but you need to keep the random cheerfullness set to stun to really annoy the fuck out of them, think of this as a practice run, next time you will be better prepared

I forgot that she literally threw my crisps at me

Thank you! Will do!

Glad you are feeling a bit better now @laughoutquiet. We're all feeling the strain but that's no reason for someone not to be polite - in fact it makes it even more important.
And I bet you don't have to practice smiling with your eyes, because anyone who is willing to wait while someone else has a bit of social contact already does it naturally.
Have a lovely birthday

Maybe the woman before had been rude/offensive/upset her and/or just made her feel exhausted from being nice and couldn't face it anymore?? I bet it wasn't personal to you

And it's understandable to be emotionally pushed, lockdown birthdays are not easy, they can be fun but there's definitely something missing from them. Hopefully you guys have the greatest time you can xx