Absolutely desperate, any advice welcome - insomnia, asthmatic night cough, newborn

[Crocodilian]

I'm not coping at all and desperately need advice but I'm struggling to even work out what questions to ask to get help so any comments or thoughts very welcome.

Had my first (and will have to be my only) baby nearly ten weeks ago. I adore her but she will only sleep on me or my DH. If we put her down in her carrycot/next to me, she will cry until we pick her up. Have tried putting her down drowsy but awake and in deep sleep but she almost always wakes straight away or within 5 mins.

Have an incredibly supportive DH who is self-employed and WFH so we have been literally taking it in turns to sleep and stay up with her - haven't shared a bed with him or slept at the same time as him since she was born. This has meant fewer hours in the day for sleeping so each of us gets on average 4.5 hours sleep I'd say. I usually try and make sure my DH gets a bit longer. Maybe he gets more like 5.5 a night.

I'm so tired I feel ill all of the time. But I'm also asthmatic and a night cough is my worst symptom, where I wake up coughing with thick mucous coating my throat that it's hard to dislodge. Have to take several doses of my reliever inhaler, drink a lot of water and sit up for at least twenty minutes to breathe comfortably enough to fall asleep. It also fills me with adrenaline as it feels like I can't breathe so often takes longer than that to get back to sleep.

Had night cough about three nights running last week so rang GP for an appt with asthma nurse (over the phone). Earliest appt I could get was for 7 days later, which was yesterday. I upped my preventer inhaler dose in the meantime as I needed to try something. Spoke to asthma nurse yesterday and she said to stay on higher dose for a week, then reduce back to previous dose and if my asthma was still bad to make another appt to talk about getting a stronger medicine.

Except I just woke with a night cough again and I haven't even started to reduce my dose so I'm definitely going to need that stronger inhaler and it's probably going to take at least a week before I can even be prescribed it.

Sorry, I'm crying now, with the baby asleep on me, and really struggling to even write a cohesive post. I really need some help.

I have also been struggling to get to sleep since my daughter was born, in spite of how tired I am. I assumed that being this exhausted would mean I'd just go to sleep, but it seems like the less sleep I get, the more I know how essential it is, and the less likely I am to drop off. It's regularly taking me over an hour to drop off, which when I've only got a four or five hour slot to sleep in is a huge proportion.

Tonight pushed me past breaking point as I went to bed, tried for over an hour to fall asleep, and about an hour and twenty minutes later woke with a bloody night cough. Came downstairs and sent DH to bed as I know how long it would take me to get back to sleep so he might as well be sleeping but now I'm just sitting here sobbing wondering how long I can continue to be even an adequate parent for my daughter on such tiny snatches of sleep.

And because of stupid fucking covid, I can't even have anyone come and help me.

Any advice gratefully received.

@CALLMEMUM Thanks for the tips – have just made myself a ginger tea with honey!

@Scottishskifun 6/10 times getting anything to work sounds miraculous! Hope we have the same success.

Wish my DH was a deep sleeper – he's such a light sleeper he used to hear when my breathing changed and wake me up before I'd start coughing properly when we slept in the same room back in the pre-baby days! But if I can get DD to sleep next to me in the bed reliably, I could do the same putting DH on an airbed in the other bedroom. It's hard when you're so knackered to experiment with something that might work or might not when you know that at least you'll get a few hours (asthma and insomnia depending!) when taking it in turns to sleep. Tried a full night with her in the next-to-me a couple of weeks ago, and it just meant neither of us got any sleep at all and it's too precious to risk!

Hot water bottle trick sounds good too, I've had occasional success with sitting on a blanket then putting her down on to that in her carrycot.

Good luck it's definitely true they are all different and like their own little things. Maybe try changing things when you know your DP is off work so then you can take turns to nap?

I'm still suffer from bouts insomnia despite my now terrible sleeping baby being a sleep through the night toddler (hence being on MN at 3am!)

We ended up buying the Lucy Wolfe sleep book when he got to about 6 months which worked pretty well but definitely isn't for everyone!

I can't soothe DD, other than breastfeeding. She could be absolutely knackered, I could dance around the room with her all night. She will just keep going.

Enter DP, patting her butt for 3 minutes, and she's gone.

They do what they want - no rhyme to reason. It's infuriating! BUT, they all have patterns that start to show.

Hello, have you considered an air purifier with hepa filtration to assist your breathing? They really remove allergens etc from the air. A humidifier is also another idea, sometimes inside air gets too dry and creates discomfort for the lungs.

Thank you, everyone, for all the suggestions. Feeling a bit calmer now. Spent a good chunk of time on Asthma UK's website and they make it clear that uncontrolled asthma as a reason for an urgent GP appointment so I'm feeling much more confident about asking for one when I ring up in the real morning.

Also I hadn't realised the degree to which stress is apparently a trigger for asthma so no wonder the worse my insomnia gets, the worse my asthma gets! What an unhelpful cycle!

Forgot to mention magnesium, this helps with muscle and general body relaxation especially in times of high stress. Best of luck

Did you manage to speak to your GP?
I hope some suggestions have helped a bit

@Didkdt thanks for thinking of me - I did manage to get through to the GPs and got a prescription for the better inhaler ordered, so that's good. Feeling absolutely wretched today though - my mental health is through the floor so I'm just going to suck it up and call the health visitor on Monday and ask for a referral as I'm fairly sure I have PND and anxiety and my daughter deserves so much more than I currently have to give!

Working through some of the suggestions here have been helpful though. And when on asthma UK looking up about humidifiers and air purifiers, I discovered that sulphites can trigger asthma, and I've always thought both alcohol and cloudy lemonade triggered mine but it just felt too random and silly to be true, but they both contain sulphites and when I looked at the back of my of my squash, it does too so have found another trigger I can eliminate.

Just checking in to remind you to make that call tomorrow! 😁

Thanks @Didkdt - managed to send the health visitor a text today asking for mental health support.

How are you doing? Have things got any better?

@TenShortStories Thank you for thinking of me! Things are a lot better now as baby is accepting being put down at night time! This has only been consistent for the last three days so it might be a blip rather than a new pattern, but I am cautiously optimistic!

Insomnia seems to have eased slightly with greater time available for sleep as each hour is not so precious and my DH is now getting a full night's sleep in bed while I get a fairly full night's sleep worth of time on the couch next to the baby in the carrycot, who slept last night and allowed me to put her down 11pm-9am barring four feeds, so that's fantastic. My mental health is much improved with the increased sleep.

The asthma is still a bit issue though – new inhaler seems to have slightly improved my asthma but I'm still waking nightly/nearly nightly with a night cough, and the inhaler is making me feel shaky and heart racy for a couple of hours after taking it, too, so I guess I need another appointment with the asthma nurse. Woke my baby up with my coughing last night so it's extremely frustrating, especially as until my baby was born, I only ever experienced the very mildest of asthma symptoms!

Are you sure it’s from asthma? I get night coughs and throat full of phlegm from post nasal drip and acid reflux, it might explain why the pumps aren’t making it much better

@Tinkywinkydinkydoo Ooh, no, I'm not certain! Don't know for sure how I'd tell, tbh! I'm not very knowledgeable about my asthma, which is appalling really. Am definitely suffering a bit of acid reflux. How would I know if I have post nasal drip and what do you do about it if so? Night coughs and a throat full of phlegm are basically my only asthma symptoms, although I do occasionally have a tight chest or feel wheezy.

This does sound like reflux / food intolerance. To wake with phlegm like that wold be unusual for asthma. I take montelukast which has really helped to reduce my need for inhalers, I've cut down from using it 10 times a day to barely needing it now, only prior to exercise. Might be worth a try. But also look into what you're eating in the evening and try and to try eliminate what might be causing the reflux.

@han01uk Thank you so much! If this is generally well known, I am FURIOUS as I've always described my night cough as waking with a throat full of sticky mucus I can't clear, so I would have hoped it would have been picked up before now! Off to take some Gaviscon and Google causes of reflux so I can examine my diet.

I’m not sure how you’d tell the difference sorry as I don’t have asthma, but was very out of breath when pregnant due to reflux. When I wake up coughing there’s a ton of phlegm in my throat, takes about 5 minutes to cough and spit it up, always have a towel by my bed incase I wake up needing to spit it out haha. It does make my chest feel heavy so you could be getting confused between them? I’d ask the drs , the first thing my gp said when I mentioned waking up night coughing up phlegm was acid reflux, I don’t get heartburn though luckily! Mine flares up when I’m dehydrated, or certain foods. I can feel my post nasal drip, it’s like snot draining down the back of your throat slightly, acid reflux can also cause this, I think it’s technical name is GERD, without heartburn is GORD I think.

Do you normally sleep on your side/ front but since baby is here spending more time lying on your back? (With baby on you)

Lots of asthmatics in the family swear by sleeping on your front ( with hot water bottle under chest if needed) for night cough.

Look at co-sleeping; it might be you canarrange a more comfortable position for you to sleep in.

I'm so pleased things are better OP. You're doing a fab job

I have a friend with lactose intolerance, who if she has a cup of milky coffee gets an irritating cough with mucus.. honestly try cutting out some certain food groups and see if it helps. Good luck. That lack of sleep and tiredness makes everything a billion times worse too. It will get better I promise!