Worst first dates

[NoEffingWay]

The man who burst into tears at the table talking about how much he liked his dog.
The man who wore a full length leather jacket (the matrix was popular) but he just looked like a pale english bloke who was trying to join the gestapo.
The man who told me he worked in advertising but it turned out he delivered leaflets for Safeway.

I stopped dating after these disasters for a while!

Am I the only one to have attracted a series of 'unique' men?

The one who repeatedly told me about his 9 inch dick

The one who turned up super hungover, told me all about his ex-wife and walked off telling me that he "wasn't really feeling it". Not sure why he thought I would have been interested in him by that point!

The one who kept telling me, repeatedly, that his ex girlfriend looked like Christina Aguilera.

The one who was gob smacked I wouldn't give him a blow job and then wouldn't message me back.

The one who (despite me being a lot better looking than him and ten years younger) turned up 20 mins late and then proceeded to let me buy the first drink. We then had no sooner sat down to talk when his glasses snapped in half and fell into his pint! Turns out he’d broken them earlier in the day and fixed them with superglue

He is now my husband.

The one who arranged to meet at a wine bar, then started the conversation with “right, so how many glasses of wine is it going to cost me to get a blowjob tonight?”

the man who turned up pissed, projectile vomited, cried when I said I didn't fancy him, got really angry and implied he was violent towards women

Oh and the one who stole £20 from another person in a restaurant bar, then tried to high five me and offer to buy us drinks with it.

The one who wanted to know immediately upfront at the start of the date if I own a dog because he couldn’t possibly date anyone who doesn’t own a dog.

@BeautifulStar

The one who (despite me being a lot better looking than him and ten years younger) turned up 20 mins late and then proceeded to let me buy the first drink. We then had no sooner sat down to talk when his glasses snapped in half and fell into his pint! Turns out he’d broken them earlier in the day and fixed them with superglue

He is now my husband.

Love this!!

The one who arrived, late and sweating, at least 10 yrs older than his pictures, with a bad limp. I get why this wasn’t mentioned but it still pissed me off.

The one who brought his laptop along on the ‘date’ and insisted on answering his emails throughout, while I sat there.

The mad one who was clearly super intelligent but who also seemed like a total woman hater and who told me quite aggressively I had no sense of humour cos I didn’t laugh at his (awful) jokes. Ugh.

The one who absolutely insisted on going for dinner (when I only wanted to meet for a drink). I relented but should’ve stuck to my guns. Was clear within 5 minutes we weren’t going to hit it off romantically, but there we were, stuck in a poncey fish restaurant (his choice) until we could both reasonably make our excuses. Never did that again! Coffee or quick drink ... and out!

The one who within 10 minutes of first meeting told me that although he could satisfy me physically he could still keep me happy. Then went on to tell me that he’d been a television superstar in an eastern bloc country.

The one who started repeatedly sneezing 20 minutes after I'd sat down. He said "you don't have a cat or dog do you?" I replied "yes, I mentioned my cat in the first line of my bio". Turns out he was extremely allergic! His eyes and nose were running like mad, he was coughing and sneezing between every other word. I felt sorry for him until he started getting angry because he was embarrassed! He kept trying to talk normally then would burst out "I can't fucking believe this!" He was starting to freak me out because he was genuinely angry. After about half an hour I said let's call it a night, no hard feelings. When I got home he'd blocked me.

It was such a strange reaction, if it hadn't been for the flow of snot and tears I would have thought he just didn't fancy me. If it was me in that situation I would have tried to make light of it, because it was kind of funny, then sent a lighthearted message after parting! I'm really glad for my cats potent fur, otherwise I could have ended up dating a bad tempered man child!

*couldn’t

The One who drank many glasses of wine followed by many Tequila shots to settle their nerves. Was so drunk couldn't eat any of the food a dinner and then threw up in a Bush outside the restaurant. It was me, he married me anyway.

The naturist who said he enjoyed my company and felt he could talk to me about “anything”....who then wanted sunscreen applying to his back (which I reluctantly did at the speed of an exocet missile and with as much care as I would give to slapping plaster on a brick wall 😂)...i.e. done in 20 seconds flat with minimal pleasure for the recipient.

The one who showed me his ex wife's belongings in the spare room which she hadn't collected yet.

The one who went to the wrong pub 20 mins away and led me on a wild goose chase trying to find each other.

I sympathise with the dog guys 😳😂