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Original poster

"Just do it after work"

19 replies

MedusasBadHairDay · 28/01/2021 09:48

I had a call from the DD's teacher yesterday, to ask why DD wasn't getting all her school work done.

I have 2 DC (DD7 and DS8), I'm wfh, and DH works out of the house - so all the homeschooling etc falls to me.
My job is relatively new, and extremely busy (the project we're working on has a deadline next month), so for the last few weeks most days have been back to back meetings.

DD is finding some of the school work tricky, she can and does leave her teacher messages to ask for help, and I help her if I get a moment - but those moments are few and far between right now.

I explained this to the teacher, and pointed out that if DD can't complete her work and runs out of stuff to do, she reads, practices her writing or goes on educational websites (she's particularly enjoying learning coding right now). So it's not like she's not learning.

The teacher have me a few practical things to do, which make sense and I appreciate, but it's all stuff like getting DD to make a pile of things "that mummy needs to help with" or printing off a daily to do list for DD to tick off so I can check where she's getting stuck. And then I can "just check it after work".

And it's that last bit that's upset me. I know she's trying to help, and I'm not upset at the teacher, but that "just" makes it seem like a little thing. And right now I feel like I'm already drowning under all the other stuff I "just" need to do. I don't feel like I can take on much more, no matter how small.

OP posts:

TheBadElfParade · 28/01/2021 11:32

I’m sorry you have a lot going on at the moment. Homeschooling and working is bloody difficult!

I suppose form the teachers perspective she’s not in your shoes is she, she doesn’t now your situation so I’d try not to take this personally. You are not superwoman, it’s so so difficult if not impossible for most.

Do your best and forgive yourself for the rest. You have been dropped in this position like many others have and there’s a lot of societal pressure to just be able to ‘manage’, when realistically a lot of parents right now are buckling under this expectation.

The last thing your children need is for their mothers mental health to decline. That’s what’s most important here. Be kind to yourself. Do what you can with their schooling (you sound like you are!) and remind yourself that they will catch up when things are back to normal.

CatRatSplat · 28/01/2021 11:43

Yup take her at her word "just check it", give it a glance and move on as you were, no action needed. It's tough and with the news yesterday everyone is feeling drowned. Sounds like you have a very sensible plan already.

Original poster

MedusasBadHairDay · 28/01/2021 11:55

@CatRatSplat

That's pretty much what I had been doing, but she wants me to check it, photograph it and upload it. She called because that hadn't been happening.

The news definitely hasn't helped, I knew this was going to drag on, and I do think they were right to choose the schools, but I just wish there was an end in sight.

OP posts:

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Silenceisgolden20 · 28/01/2021 11:57

Tel her thank you for the call but if she could check it that would be great as you're not a teacher

Pass it back. You can only do so much

TheBadElfParade · 28/01/2021 12:01

Are they too young for you to be able to teach them to photograph it themselves and upload it? She can check it then and do her job, rather than you doing two jobs.

My DD is 9 but when she’s doing her work (im working from home too) I will assist with things she really needs help with but stuff like her times tables and handwriting and other projects she is allowed to borrow my phone to upload a picture of the work to her teacher, and again if she needs to comment or read messages. I have a nosey later on at the work I haven’t overseen when I have more time.

Original poster

MedusasBadHairDay · 28/01/2021 12:07

Are they too young for you to be able to teach them to photograph it themselves and upload it? She can check it then and do her job, rather than you doing two jobs.

They are really. I have tried showing them, but they always end up needing my help anyway. Plus they need to use my phone to photograph their work.

At the beginning they were set more work that could be completed online, without any needing for photographs and uploads. That seems to have changed though. I guess at this age they need to see handwriting and working out (drawing number lines etc) so it makes sense. But makes it trickier.

OP posts:

FirstPost99 · 28/01/2021 12:59

I have a ds aged 8 (and a 5yo but I'm helping her with all work because she's 5) and I don't check his work before he sends it to the teacher. If something is glaringly obviously wrong, then I will help him change it, especially if it's a quick fix but I don't see the point in checking and correcting it before sending it as then the teacher will never know what he can/can't do and is struggling with. Often he won't even believe me that it's wrong anyway and takes it much better from her.

I would just carry in as you are op, you know she is still learning and you are doing your best.

(I think teachers are doing an amazing job, but neither parents or teachers can do it all.)

teenytrees · 28/01/2021 13:28

Why can't your DH check and upload it when he gets home?

Silenceisgolden20 · 28/01/2021 13:36

Would it be checked at school though?

Home educating while trying to work from home is not the same as being at school.

Accept that. Let the school accept that. These are not ordinary times.

Silenceisgolden20 · 28/01/2021 13:37

@teenytrees

Why can't your DH check and upload it when he gets home?

Also this.

Know your limits. Stop and work within your limits before you both burn out.

mindutopia · 28/01/2021 13:39

I'm not really sure that I understand what she is asking you to do? Is it that your dd is doing her work and she just wants you to look over it to make sure it's done correctly and it's all complete. Yes, then I think that's reasonable. You can do that after work.

I am homeschooling and working and dh is not able to wfh so the only one home all day is me. Mine is 7. She does her online learning, can log herself into zoom, I set her up to do various bits of online learning during the day (it takes 30 secs to log her in), and I check over anything in the evening. Sometimes we might sit down and do work together after I finish work, or dh will do it while I sort out something else. It actually really doesn't take that much time, and I think it's perfectly reasonable for her to assume you (or your dh!) can take half an hour at the end of the day. It's no more effort than doing homework which actually takes up quite a lot of time at the end of the day.

That said, if there is a particularly awful day, and you can't do it, that's okay too. It doesn't have to be perfect, but I think it's fair to say it would be a good idea to do it when you can.

mindutopia · 28/01/2021 13:41

Ah, I see it's photographing, yes, just do it. I can't imagine it would take more than 10 minutes to photograph on your phone and email.

Original poster

MedusasBadHairDay · 28/01/2021 13:54

@mindutopia

Ah, I see it's photographing, yes, just do it. I can't imagine it would take more than 10 minutes to photograph on your phone and email.

It may not take long but that 10 minutes is on top of a lot of other stuff, stuff that I'm struggling to keep up with as it is. I feel like that kids game Buckaroo, yes that next item is only little but I'm already at my limit.

I'm not really sure that I understand what she is asking you to do?

Don't think I've explained too well tbf. The kids are doing several bits of work, that all need photographing, then uploading and adding to the relevant page on Google classroom.

My job is to check they are done, photograph the ones that are, find the relevant page and add them, try and get the kids to do the missing work, then repeat until all the set work is done.

DH is doing what he can, but he's out of the house most of the day, then has to do admin when he gets home (emails, invoicing etc)

Though after he called earlier to check on me and I cried at him, he's now insisting he does all of the photographing etc and called the school to let them know that we may not be physically able to get the kids to do all their work.

OP posts:

partyatthepalace · 28/01/2021 14:16

I think everyone has to be realistic

you have an Ft job - you loosing your job or your grip on your MH is going to do your kids much more harm than falling behind a bit. And I doubt they will really as your daughter sounds like a great learner

The teacher is doing her job by chasing, but she needs to understand the reality.

so what I would do is have your daughter make the pile of stuff that needs checking and the check list and you upload it at the end of the day to the teacher. The teacher can do her job and check it, and if she wants to feedback to you and your daughter she can do that. If she pushes back just be firm and say this is all you can do.

Don’t beat your self up, you are doing your best - and it is enough (your kids aren’t mid A levels.

ZippedyDooDa · 28/01/2021 14:20

Totally agree OP. The teacher sounds like she totally doesn't understand your situation, even after you explain it. I find that people who aren't working & homeshooling (and also those who are, but may have more time due to family help, working part-time etc) have very little understanding of the relentlessness of working full-time plus 24/7 childcare, and think you can 'just' do loads of things (work, housework, self-care, keeping in touch etc) at times when you're already busy doing other essential things. They don't understand that there aren't extra spare minutes in the day. Please don't let the teacher make you feel bad OP, you're doing great.

partyatthepalace · 28/01/2021 14:20

Oh I see...

Well if DH does the uploading - great.

But I think he is right you have to push back - you cannot sort through all the work and get them to fill it in, you don’t have time. But if your daughter can indicate on a list where she is stuck, then the teacher can respond to that.

But honestly your daughter is clearly bright and curious so you don’t need to worry - push back.

DonLewis · 28/01/2021 14:21

How does this work for the kids in school? Does a teacher photograph and upload it?

I'd just say I'll do what I can and do just that: what you can. Maybe you have one day that after work you set aside 10 mins and do what you can. Or what dh can.

OneMoreForExtra · 28/01/2021 14:27

I uploaded a photo of DD4 colouring a numbers-based picture the other day, with a message saying she was doing this instead of the set work as I was in back-to back-calls. I do think with goodwill on all sides we can aim for the ideal but deliver the achievable and no-one should think twice about it. But I'm lucky enough to have a very supportive school. Sounds like your OH has your back nicely OP

eurochick · 28/01/2021 16:10

OP you sound overwhelmed. I get it. I have a child a bit younger and a similar process with uploading completed work. Sometimes in the evening I just can't. I have a more than full time job. I often work into the evening. Even when I don't I still need to eat dinner, keep the wheels turning on household stuff like laundry and occasionally just sit down and switch off because I am feeling completely burnt out. The extra 15 minutes it would take me to find the work, photograph it and upload it is sometimes enough to push me over the edge.

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