Does every 11/12 year old REALLY have a Xbox ?

[dingdongmerrilytyiu]

DS11 in year 7 had a teacher-student well-being zoom check today. Parents were instructed to be with child.

Teacher asks my son whether he is keeping in touch with his classmates "on the Xbox". He replied he doesn't have one. "Oh via PlayStation then" says the teacher. My son replied he doesn't have one. "Oh whatever the other one is called then"...at which point I said we don't have any of them.

She appeared genuinely surprised: "oh, wow, well that's great. You're the only one who has said that, everyone else seems to be on them when they're not doing schoolwork...how do you keep in contact then?" And my son says "phone calls, texts..."

I did discuss it after with my son and ask him if he was bothered and if he wanted one. He said no, he was fine with his games on his phone.

I've been holding out until he started asking me for a gaming device because it's just one more screen for them to get addicted to and for me to fall out with him about overuse. I have friends who've really struggled with this. It's not that I object to them; when my son wants one I will get him one, but is it really true what the teacher said that everyone else in the class has one? I feel really guilty if so.

It's a grammar school (state school) in a mixed area; some wealth, mainly middle class I guess but defo some kids there who are on pupil premium like my son.....am I restricting his friendships by holding out on this?

If he's not bothered then I wouldn't rush to get him one, however my son is in year 7 and literally all his friends have either a PS4 or X Box. I don't know any boys of that age who don't have one (don't know about the girls).

We don't have one, Absolutely refused
So all god here, I personally think it made him more sociable 😄

If it doesn’t bother him I wouldn’t worry.
My son is year 7 and his PS4 has kept him connected to his friends during lockdown - it’s been lovely to hear them laughing together while they play.

@BenoneBeauty this is what I am afraid of : I don't want him to be excluded from friendships.

He does have a nice group of friends there but says he is fine talking to them on their joint text groups.

I have a 12 year old girl and 9 year old boy; I’d say most boys, and many girls, have access to a games console by 11. My kids don’t have one but there are two in the house as they are DH’s. Dd plays fort nite sometimes. However DS plays Roblox on the actual computer / his laptop, and isn’t very interested in the PlayStation.
If he doesn’t want one then don’t feel guilty but you might find there is an increasing amount of ‘socialising’ for boys while they play games which he may miss out on at times. Ds likes to play when his friends are on as they type absolute rubbish to make each other laugh in the chat. Dd will play fortnite and FaceTime her friend while they play! It’s a way of staying connected.

No, mine didn't/don't. In a zoom the other day one of the DC was discussing it with their friend who also doesn't have one.

I think it is quite foolish of a teacher to assume things like that, as in each class there will be some who don't have one, I think it's about three quarters who do.

Mine has a nintendo and either plays fortnite or Roblox on his computer with his friends.
We were holding out on fortnite but gave in due to the lockdown and the social aspect.
I would imagine it's a bit unusual to have no games console at all.

I have DS's that age, older and younger. We have an Xbox that they share and my 11yo plays games on a PC because he prefers it. They all go on mainly to play with friends (and kept downstairs so they sleep!). Organise via phone and go on game for an hour or so. They are on much more than they would usually be at the moment but we are.just letting them get on with it because they are playing with their friends. No, not all have them, especially pre-covid, but I'd say that most that age have something along that line in the current circumstances.

Refused to get one here too. It's not common to have one amongst my peer group's children either at that age.

We each have a games console and sometimes play together :)
It has kept DS in touch with friends in lockdown and as it’s a game played together it actually doing a task together not just chatting, we have all played more than usual but once work, chores and exercise is done it’s been handy having an indoor hobby, I gamed with a friend this morning and we chatted about all manner of things whilst shooting space aliens.

My son is in Y7 and also doesn’t have a game console thing. Literally this week I have got worried by the same thing. He’s never asked for one, and we can’t really afford it at the moment and I’m not particularly keen but I don’t want him to be left out. He has a mobile but his friends don’t... they have gaming things and he doesn’t.

Just want him to be able to socialise in person really.

And he’s using his time so well. Reading a lot, playing Lego. Making stuff really quite creatively. I can’t see a gaming thing would help apart from the social side.

So you are not alone!!

I thought it would be a pressure to give them phones at this point!

I would say it definitely is unusual. DS and his friends all have consoles. It is their main way of keeping in touch. I would say it's less common among the girls though. But it's up to you and if he's not bothered then it doesn't matter.

I don't get the posters who think they have done a good thing/are better by not getting one - it's just another way of having fun! They don't have to take over your life and can actually add a lot, especially at the moment. The joy my three have from laughing and chatting whilst playing with their friends is wonderful. They still do other things like walks and socialising as a family and work hard at school! Having one doesn't mean they do nothing else, unless you let that happen.

We have a switch, which DS (Y7) does play on, but he doesn't play online.
If he wants to speak to his friends he uses Teams or Google hangouts.

My DS isn't that fond of Fortnite at all and has outgrown Minecraft but he still plays it on his PS4 to hang out with his friends.

He's also started playing Minecraft on a PC so that they can all play together via that platform.

My DS 14 finds the PS4 / PC suits him better as they are doing an activity which gives them something to talk about and a reason to hang out. I love hearing him laughing etc with his friends this way. He hates texting and chatting on the phone it's like getting blood out of a stone.

It is very unusual for them not have an Xbox or PS4 by yr 6.

My DD 13 on the other hand can chat shit for hours with her friends and hates the PS4 and Xbox.

My DS likes playing games like mine craft or Roblox on his iPad in the same world as his brother and said he likes doing this.

If I got an Xbox or PS4, would it have to be DS11 playing on it at one time with his friends , and DS12 playing on it at a separate time? If so this would just provoke huge huge arguments about whose turn it was and I would end up having to get two of them, plus two TVs to plug them into I think.

They don't go to the same school so have different friendships. My inclination is not to rock the boat because they play very contently and without arguments alongside each other on their iPads.

DS recently turned 11, he doesn't have one. I asked him if he'd like a Switch or something for Christmas, but he didn't want one. He mainly spends game time on Minecraft or Roblox, where he sometimes plays with friends. He and his school friends meet up on FaceTime now and again.

Your DC play together via their iPads so they seem perfectly content.

DC tend to have one Xbox or PS4 each otherwise it would be a nightmare trying to navigate that.

Xbox and PS are on different platforms so you'd need to buy the one that all his friends have.

DS doesn't have an Xbox or PlayStation but he does have a Switch. He often plays games on there with his friends so I'm glad he's had it over lockdown.

@FlyingByTheSeatof and when I looked into this before it seemed that half of them have xboxes and half have PS4s. So I was worried about the pressure and getting it wrong so didn't purchase either. And I think they'd have to have one each to prevent daily rows about whose turn it was...plus it means that suddenly my sons will stop interacting with each other online and play separately.

Also, does anyone know if you can somehow turn them off remotely? Or otherwise prevent usage without physically removing the plug?! I ask because any Xbox etc would have to go upstairs......but I am disabled and struggle to do the stairs. And I think DS12 would take advantage and use it after bedtime etc....so are there any parental controls like there are with "family" screen time on an iPad so I can prevent it being able to be used between eg 10pm and 8am?

Tbh your DS and his DB seem more than happy together which is important and very lovely so in your shoes I probably wouldn't be buying one for now.

I would say unusual particlary for the boys..

I am so glad my DS has one it has been how he has kept in touch with his friends. They are going through the most challenging time.

A lot more games are multi platform these days.

@Starlightstarbright1 "multiplatform" .....does that mean that a PS4 child can play the same game that his Xbox friends are playing at the same time and in the same "world"?

Neither of my boys did because they just never enjoyed gaming.