What would you buy...

[ThreadKillxr]

from me?

I'm almost certain I was destined to be rich but sadly it hasn't quite happened yet.

So, what would you buy from me? What can I sell or offer to make my millions?

I'm shit at art, I can't knit, sew or crochet. I can't pottery, (no teaspoon rest here, sadly). I'm a mediocre cook and baker and my caramel always comes out shit. I'm quite good at tiffin and brownies but it's pot luck mostly and they're pretty basic. I'm not crafty and can't make things. I can't iron so I can't take your ironing in.

So, how do I make my millions?

I won thirty quid on a scratch card today after spending eight quid on the cards. Then I proceeded to spunk that thirty quid on more scratch cards and only made back four quid so I'm minus four quid so far today.

Make me a millionaire, Mumsnet.

You know I did watch a program once about these men who have a kink for larger ladies and basically pay to either feed them or be sat on by them. Probably not social distancing safe though and your husband might not be too happy about it.

No, I don't think he'd be impressed. Also, I mean I'm fat and have cellulite but probably not quite large enough to fit that kink. Sadly I seem to be inbetween kinks. Not big enough and not small enough either.

Crime!
Shocked and appalled nobody has suggested it before. A tidy crime spree will sort you out a treat OP. Perhaps start a Ponzi scheme this morning and while that’s picking up you could use your daily walk to knock over a bank? Some light pick pocketing along the way? Maybe a little burglary to mix it up? Would also be good excercise.
Actually bin the pickpocket idea, very poor form for social distancing.

Before I get reported I’m not serious about OP turning to a life of crime. Though I stand by my comment that now is not a good time for pickpockets.

I don't think crime will work. I haven't got the balls to nick a penny sweet from the corner shop, let alone rob a bank!

I had high hopes that the power of mumsnet might just make me a millionaire overnight. C'mon!

I don't need stuff so I wouldn't buy things from usually. I'd pay you for your skill that I don't have or don't have the time for like bookkeeping, building websites or ironing.

That would be fine if I had a skill to offer. I can't iron, build websites or do bookkeeping.

Could you train in something? There’s lots of free courses about at the moment on sites like Shaw Academy.
I agree, I’m much more likely to pay for someone to do something for me like build/improve my website or take much nicer photographs of my products than I can than buy something someone has made.
Disclaimer - I have a small business where lots of people buy the things I make so there are people out there who will but personally I’m a minimalist and hate clutter. It also will likely not ever earn me a million pounds either but I enjoy it.

Cookies are out of the question.

They look like they are made from wrinkly old bollock skin

I'm not sure about training, especially if it's something with a cost attached.

Languages? Could you teach? Translate? Interpret?

Writing? People pay good money to have their CVs done professionally. I think they’d also pay to have their LinkedIn profiles tarted up. Decent photo taken, copy sorted out, invites sent to the right people etc.

Free shit. People make money collecting the stuff people post for free on gumtree, free cycle etc then selling it on.

OP, I reckon you can turn a snappy sentence and have a sharp sense of humour. Write a book! Bridget Jones meets Don't Know How She Does it meets Shopaholic via Why Mummy Drinks. About a woman who needs to make some cash very quickly...?

Some sort of child minding service but on an ad hoc basis. So clients don't have to book set days they can ring up and book their child in for say 3 hours. You would need to have qualifications and a DBS check and your home would have to be suitable. I do think there is a demand for childcare on demand.

If you've got any friends in the current government I'm sure they could award you a contract for millions for your tiffin?

I think that's how they decide who to give big contracts to...?!

You need to sell info! What do you know that you can teach others... you'll never be a millionaire making things and trading time for money