Help with my secret eater 😞

[Chippednails]

My 10 year old son is regularly taking food and secretly eating it. Unsurprisingly it’s almost exclusively sweets, snacks and biscuits.

This isn’t a case of taking the odd treat when he shouldn’t. This is a long standing, consistent and extreme issue. We are regularly finding stacks of wrappers hidden in various places around the house.

He is a healthy weight (if anything a bit skinny probably because he hardly eats at mealtimes because of this) and has no issues that I am aware of. We’ve tried various approaches but nothing seems to change and I’m at a loss and wondering if it’s a symptoms of a wider underlying issue.

As an aside, we are not especially strict with treats (if anything I think they already have more than they should!) and this isn’t linked to lockdown as has been going on long before. We’ve tried locking cupboards, not having stuff in the house etc but we’re a big family and we’d just like to have a normal approach to food. We’ve tried talking to him about asking - and making sure we say yes as well as no, but the old habit slips back.

Any advice would be hugely appreciated!

Simply not buying won't fix the problem. What will happen once he gets pocket money? Moves out? OP can't control him forever. He needs specialist support from a counsellor/dietician.

You need to stop buying it, putting a lock on the cupboard door will make it a million times worse! Make that the first step, then address the emotional side. Encourage more exercise and cooking as a family, make time to talk, look up techniques online suitable for his age on opening up and emotions.

Not buying it wont work.

He needs help dealing with the emotions driving the behaviour and he needs it now. This will become a lifelong pattern that is increasingly difficult to break.

Contact your Gp and ask for them to refer him for help with binge eating. If the gp won't, in some areas you can do this yourself if you do some research on treatment for child eating disorders.

In the meantime work on some mindfulness exercises with him if he is willing, and describing and labeling your own emotions and reactions to those things.

For instance I'm feeling sad today because of x and it's ok to feel that way, because I feel that way I want to do xxx, but instead I will try yyy because xxx isnt very good for me and will make me feel worse later.

@StarsonaString

Simply not buying won't fix the problem. What will happen once he gets pocket money? Moves out? OP can't control him forever. He needs specialist support from a counsellor/dietician.

This. Or you do what I did which is just find other things to binge on - just eating sugar from a packet from example

It’s a tricky situation and one I want to handle the right way. Any links to online advice or resources would be hugely appreciated. I’d like to talk to a professional but dont seem to be able to find the right thing!

He needs some psychological support.

I think the problem is he’s got himself into a vicious cycle. Like you say he’s not eating meals because he’s snacking, but he’s then probably Hungary because he hasn’t eaten a meal.
I think you need to sit down and explain your concerns. Talk to him about how it might need t be problematic now, he could be stacking up problems for the future. I would suggest a trial period of two weeks where he has 3 meals and three healthy snacks a day, evenly spaced. Over that period try not to have any other temptations to hand. Over this period do include some treats, maybe a packet of crisps with lunch a couple of days, a bar of chocolate on a Saturday night etc. I kind of think you need to reset his eating routine. Also, make sure he is drinking enough and identify times he’s eating through boredom not hunger.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/eating-disorders/advice-for-parents/

There's some links on there. Beat is quite handy.

@Chalkcheese

I'll add that I do buy treats for my family, but never things that are irresistible to me unless I have the attention of eating the whole thing. One thing I do more now is freeze the potions I'm not going to eat then. That's helped me because waiting for things to defrost means I have time to find some self control. But I think I was just born this way. I am a very all or nothing type person, and had to get help for problematic binge drinking (I am not teetotal). I was very addicted to smoking and could never be a social smoker (also quit smoking a number of years ago now). I overdo it with housework, exercise, I binge watch TV very compulsively. I can't put down a good book. I over work. Or I go to the other extreme as my compulsion is elsewhere. I also compulsively shop. I'm so glad I never got into gambling. I find moderate people incredibly interesting, because I am just not moderate in anyway. It feels like it's in my DNA, that it's integral and unchangeable, that I can mitigate the damage but that there is a part of me that needs to binge or overdo it in some way

@Chalkcheese you sound like me! Extreme and compulsive in nearly every area. I had been going to Overeaters Anon meetings for the eating and I had two good years there but other things got in the way and am back at square 1 again.