If your child had poor eye contact and social delays at 12 months

[user098765316384950]

...and no hearing issues - what happened next? What assessments did they have and when, and did they turn out to be NT? If they were later diagnosed with ASD, how severe is it? Getting worried about my daughter

Joanne9090

“To those of you with experience of autism. Is poor eye contact related to more cases of more severe autism? Or can it be any stage from very mild to the most severe?“

I don’t like describing autism as mild/severe because it’s so multifaceted and such a spectrum. Plus it’s usually being classified by someone who isn’t the autistic child in question - I experience my son’s autism mildly for the most part as his parent so I could be tempted to call it mild but I’m not sure he will say he experiences it mildly himself as an adult. And plenty of autistic children make perfectly good eye contact. It’s not a definitive sign! I have no idea about the statistical likelihood of particular symptoms and “severity”.

But if it’s reassuring, my child with ASD had virtually no eye contact with strangers, and reduced eye contact with people he knew well. Though still not typical, it has improved a bit over time (he’s mid primary age) just naturally - I’ve never pushed him on it or even mentioned it. He has no learning difficulties, is very articulate, has good friends both autistic and neurotypical and goes to a mainstream school with a little extra support. He’s funny, deeply caring, popular and mostly very happy. I don’t want to be too Pollyanna, he has big challenges and I’ve cried my eyes out over him and his behaviour and his anxiety many many times, but I’m learning that actually he just ploughs his own furrow, does his own thing and achieves what he needs to in his own time and way. He’s amazing (yes, I’m biased!).

But your son is still very young and in very odd social circumstances at the moment, don’t panic yet. I would be concerned if you think he’s actually regressed socially though, that’s worth mentioning to your health visitor.

I wouldn’t be too worried if I were you, OP. Babies tend to have little leaps and plateau, or focus on one thing at a time e.g walking. My toddler didn’t point until 14mo or wave until 17mo(!!) despite me demonstrating them repeatedly! Just keep chatting to her, pointing things out, reading books together and waving when you go into or leave a room.

@doctorhamster if you hate these threads don’t click on them. Nobody is saying you can’t enjoy an autistic child 🙄

@Joanne9090

To those of you with experience of autism. Is poor eye contact related to more cases of more severe autism? Or can it be any stage from very mild to the most severe? I read something stating poor eye contact is related to most severe cases and as much as im trying to enjoy my boy im in a blind panic about his poor eye contact. Any help advice would be so much appreciated based on your own experiences. I also know i need to bring myself back down to earth and just enjoy him!

I have a 10 year old who is on the more severe end of the spectrum, at a special school, limited speech and unlikely to ever be independent. However his eye contact has always been excellent with his family (less so with strangers).

Earliest signs were sensory (always putting things in his mouth, constant need for movement, loved watching things spin, hand flapping) and no imitation skills. It was really hard to teach him to sign but after hours of intensive support we managed to get him to imitate simple sounds and eventually words through a modified aba programme. He can now make his needs known verbally.

I would suggest just trying to encourage as much imitation as possible. Start with non verbal imitation and copying what your child is already interested in doing and playing with e.g if they like spinning join in and make a game of it. Put their favourite things out of reach and then point to them to see if you can get them to follow your point and eventually point themselves. Offer choices all the time e.g a favouite food and something they don't like and get them to indicate which they want. Initially give it to them if they look in the right direction and then gradually demand more e.g reaching, pointing, a sound etc.

When they get to 18 months try doing the mchat www.autismspeaks.org/screen-your-child and take it to you GP if the results are concerning. In rhe meantime try not to worry, 12 months is still very young and things can change very quickly.

Yes these things are red flags for autism but I would say you are a little early for concern. Keep a close eye and see if things are the same in 6 months. My ds is autistic and it became very obvious around 15-18 months, he was diagnosed at 2.5.

Ohhh this is so hard. I honestly don’t think I would read anything into the current cohort of 12 month olds who have spent their whole lives in some form of pandemic/lockdown. All of the stimulation they would normally have received from baby groups and social gatherings has been absent, and they (and you) have all spent far too much time at home.

My child was diagnosed at age 5, and to be honest that was a bit of a shock. Looking back there were signs, but those are mostly to do with him being an incredibly difficult Velcro baby and toddler. His eye contact is actually good, but it’s entirely on his terms - he makes eye contact when he wants to, sometimes fairly forcefully, and struggles when he doesn’t want to. His speech was precocious.

At age 5, his diagnosis was surprising to both me and school, but over time I’ve been able to see more ‘typical’ traits emerge, e.g. special interests. And his biggest issue is managing feelings/anxiety/anger management.

So in summary, 12 months is not the right age to tell. In all but the more ‘severe’ cases (children who are non verbal and unable to access mainstream education), watching and waiting is a good approach anyway. And nobody has any idea what the effect of the pandemic on child development will be.

Ohhh this is so hard. I honestly don’t think I would read anything into the current cohort of 12 month olds who have spent their whole lives in some form of pandemic/lockdown. All of the stimulation they would normally have received from baby groups and social gatherings has been absent, and they (and you) have all spent far too much time at home.

Absolutely this. My gut feeling is you can't possibly get a sense of where they are at developmentally at the moment. Just try and engage with them as much as possible and, as things open up, give them as much opportunity to interact with other children as possible.

In answer to your question: My own kid (in pre-pandemic times) had the signs you mentioned and went on to be diagnosed with ASD at 3. He now 7. I would categorise him as moderate to high functioning autistic (but not aspergers as he has had speech and language issues that have dogged him from the start.)

He still struggles with speech and doesn't speak as fluently as his peers but has made a lot of progress. We anticipate that as an adult he will have enough speech to get by. He is in mainstream school (with an EHCP in place and lots of TA support.) He has some friends although his social and emotional level is probably about 2 years behind his peers. He can be surprisingly empathetic and loving at times. He also has a good sense of humour and a lot of curiosity.

At school his reading and maths are broadly in line with his peers. He doesn't really understand phonics but compensates with exceptional sight-reading ability. His handwriting is poor - his autistic profile has a lot in common with dyspraxia so he continues to have lots of issues with gross and fine motor skills. Overall, he's happy and we're happy.

This is just our kid. ASD is hugely different from individual to individual. However, you'd be amazed how much progress they can make. I had very low-expectations for my kid at 18 months-2 years and he consistently proves me wrong. The important thing is to try and avoid being caught up in 'age-appropriate expectations' because comparing the progress of an ASD kid with a neurotypical kid is like trying to compare an octopus to a bicycle pump.

Also, if your kid turns out to be autistic, be prepared for them to have a very uneven pattern of development/achievement. Most ASD kids will have areas they excel in and areas they really struggle with.

Finally - whatever the outcome, they are still your baby no matter what. I wouldn't change my son's autism because it's who he is. I just wish I could make the world more accommodating of it.

For what its worth, my ASD son is a second year medicine student.

@BatleyTownswomensGuild absolutely! I have some really off the wall deep and thought provoking conversations with my little Aspie. Even as a young child he was perplexed at the ethics of displaying dead people (mummies) in a museum. He thinks about things in a way many adults don’t and he’s hugely entertaining.

Hi there, my dc2 is a little over a year and sounds quite similar. She only started waving after like 3 or 4 months of my solid persisting. I'm part of a few different local mom groups with babies all around the same age (1) and the variety in which the babies are "doing things" "later" is unbelievable. One has just started crawling. Yes I said started. A different one only grunts. Another similar to mine is the same two sounds for anything and everything.
Onto mine. Limited sounds I sort of think. Sometimes babbling. After easily 6 months of trying, finally getting some sort of "response" to me. Maybe you could just keep gently persisting. Not sure what is normal or delayed for these things. All the best.

@user098765316384950
How are things now?

I might be going against the grain here but I think it's worth raising concerns with health visitor or GP.

Firstly, if your daughter is autistic then that's just who she is, so the idea that we should all be searching for reasons why she isn't feels misplaced. If she is, you will both be okay and happy and love each other just as much! There will be an adjustment and acceptance period, and there are many battles (mainly to get support), but it will be okay. She might not be, but if she is, the sooner you get on the path to diagnosis the better, since it takes absolutely bloody ages, and then when it comes to schooling, the EHCP journey is also painfully slow. So asking the questions now can only be a useful thing, even if everyone says she's neurotypical!

12 months is definitely on the early side of things for any formal assessment or diagnosis, but I knew when my son was that age, and he was my first child. I just had a gut feeling, and every behaviour pointed towards that being the answer. Everyone around us was saying "oh it's normal! So many boys don't speak/wave/clap until they're 3!" or "my cousin didn't talk til he was 5 and he's a genius" yada yada. It actually wasn't helpful. It made me feel like my concerns weren't valid, and that we weren't parenting properly (eg speak to him more! Present different foods!). As soon as people validated what I was saying, things improved.

My daughter was born in lockdown, and is now 18mos and she has been ENTIRELY different from as young as 6 months, despite not seeing anyone for most of the first year of her life. She always shared toys, wanted my attention, gave eye contact, waved, ate well, etc. She was slower to walk but in every other respect they were chalk and cheese and so I realised just how clear it had been with my DS from early on (I just had no comparison).

Your DD might not be autistic, but if you're having these worries, there is no harm in investigating further. And your concerns are valid, so don't feel bad for raising them!

@user098765316384950 hi OP. I’d love to know how your daughter is getting on now? My DD is 13m and I feel like I could have written your post.

Hi, OP here - hopefully I can reassure you! I was so worried about my little girl. I had the Health Visitor round at 15 months and she agreed that it was unusual how unresponsive DD was. It was honestly like she couldn't hear us, yet her hearing was fine.

Literally overnight she changed. One morning when she was 16 months old, I went into her room and she stood up and smiled at me! I was amazed because previously I'd open the door, say good morning and she wouldn't even look at me. That was almost 6 months ago now and we have proper little conversations, and to be honest she won't leave me alone! She always wants to involve me in her play and shows so much imagination.

I have no idea what changed, though she started walking about a week beforehand, so I do wonder whether she was putting all of her energy into that. It is odd though, and I still find it strange when I meet up with friends who have very young babies and they're so engaging. I have concluded that each baby is so incredibly different, and there really is no point in worrying. Very easy to say in retrospect I know! But it is true.

Hope this reassures anyone in a similar boat to me a few months ago, and thank you all for the kind posts when I was worried

Ah thank you so much for updating OP. This is really reassuring. My daughter is almost 14m and quite like yours was in most respects. She has a hearing test booked and nursery are also concerned about her eyes, but i’m hoping that all the communication and social stuff will come eventually! She’s always been a bit behind with that side of things (didnt babble till a few months later than average etc), so hoping this is just a continuation of that.

I really appreciate your update.
My son (14m) is similar, doesn’t “check in” with me with eye contact up close, only holds contact at over 1 metre away if I’m above him or at his level.

He does grin and light up with eye contact whenever he sees someone like me / dad or close friends of mine.
He also looks when I point if I’m holding him, and points himself at things objects and things- but never looks back to check that I’ve seen.

He also only turns to his name at a distance , not if I’m right behind him for example!

Anyway I have him in early intervention anyway just in case, but I appreciate hearing your story.

@K8bella how is ur baby now?

Op you certainly could be seeing early signs of ASD. Everyone kept telling me I was imagining it with dd who sounds very similar. She now has a dx at 10. She also has lots of friends and gets invited to birthday parties and play dates and is doing really well at school. She’s a delight, just a few challenges she works through and we help her do so.

This is what I wish I had done with dd - buy the hanen speech book ‘more than words’ - loads of amazing ideas there for increasing vocabulary and interactions. It’s very expensive on Amazon but you can buy it on Winslow press site cheaper.

Keep health visitor on the case - are there any parent/toddler groups she recommends?

Maybe consider private SALT if you can afford it - we had one involved from 20 months and it helped us with dd’s speech and play. She recommended lots of interactive games eg click clack cars where you work together to put the cars down the track, dolls to play with etc

@K8bella
Please can I know how’s your little one doing now ??
Thank you 🙏🏻

Hey there, my boy has certainly improved with turning to his name etc. He still isn’t great at eye contact for communication purposes.
For example he has fine eye contact at a distance, and in general. But what is sometimes lacking is when they give you eye contact when telling you what they want/need. Or for example, if they want help with something, he doesn’t necessarily look at me.
He has learnt a lot though and now involves me in play by handing me toys and objects to either give me a turn or to ask for help etc.

He will pass me things and look at me whilst handing me something. But only every now and then does what’s called joint attention- ie looks back at me when he’s excited to check I’ve noticed what he’s doing.

You learn a lot from early intervention teams like Speech paths and OTs. It’s not as straight forward as “do they have eye contact” it’s how they use it for communication.

At the moment my team just think he’s got a delay rather than a specific disorder at this stage (18mths ) as in the last two months he’s shown a lot of growth with non verbal communication .
Hope this helps.

@K8bella
Thank you so much love I really appreciate your reply and I m so so glad little one is doing well and learning new things it’s great 😊

Hi @K8bella don't know if you're still there but would be keen to hear an update if you have one? x

I know this is an old post but I was wondering if you had an update. My son doesn’t make a lot of eye contact and it’s really concerning me. Thanks!

@Melodymama12 do make your own thread if it would help to talk to someone about this. I spent a lot of nights lying awake worrying when my dc was this age and could have written the op.

In case it helps my ds didn’t make eye contact and at 11 his life is generally pretty good. He has an ASD diagnosis but is bright, has good friends and enjoys lots of out of school clubs. I have learned that an ASD diagnosis isn’t the end of the world and while he has some social deficits and quirks life is so much more understanding of people with ASD now.

What I wish I had done - bought the evidence based Hanen book More than Words - helps max speech and social development in toddlers/preschoolers. Cheapest from
Wilmslow Press website.

Also wish I’d done the modified MCHAT autism checklist on my ds and got him dx at 3 or earlier. Would have helped us access stuff.

Hi @user098765316384950 how is your little one now?