Afraid my child will hate me

[EmmaLFC]

Hi, I'm new to all this. I've never ever posted on a forum before but I'm going to find out next week if I'm having a boy or girl. I'm really excited but also have fears.
I'm not close to my mam. As a child she stayed in bed all day and didn't look after me or my sister. The house was always dirty and we ate sweets for breakfast/lunch and microwave dinners. My dad worked non stop (still does) and could be sent anywhere in the country so he was gone a lot. I have an excellent relationship with my dad, we talk everyday. Mam and dad are still together.
My mam hates my auntie (who was always there for me and helped raise me, my dad's sister) and has already told me that if this auntie is involved in my child's life then it's not her grandchild and also she will kill my auntie. My mam doesn't know but this auntie will be my full time child minder after maternity leave.
My mam is a hoarder, the house is flithy, full of mice, she has 4 dogs that are not house trained, she smokes heavily including when I'm there and my nieces/nephew. On social media she looks like a saint, people constantly praise her and tell her she's an angel. I haven't heard from her in over a month, I live a 5 mins walk away but she wants to post about my pregnancy on her Facebook. I said no!! I don't do social media and neither does my partner so I don't want strangers congratulating my mam when she doesn't even call to see how I am.
I could go on and on about all the problems I have with her but I'd be here forever. I can't talk to my sister, she has completely turned into my mam and we don't get on.
My fear is that I will end up like both of them and neglect my child. My child will then grow up resenting me and we won't speak. My partner reassures me that he won't let this happen. My auntie taught me to cook so I always cook healthy dinners, I clean all the time, slightly OCD if things aren't done right, I also work full time. Because of all this people tell me I will not be like my mam or sister but I just can't shake the fear.
I think I'm just ranting but would be nice to here from someone outside the family or someone who also had this type of fear before having children.

Your mother was utterly neglectful OP, I'm so sorry about that and thank goodness your aunty was there to help raise you and your sister. I'm glad your aunty is going to be involved with you and the baby and will be the grandmother to your DC that it look like your mother never will be.

You won't turn out like your mother, you really won't, but don't be afraid to seek therapy to help you deal with the neglect in your past so it doesn't hang over your future like a cloud. None of us is destined to turn into our parents, you are your own person and you can do things entirely differently, as you're already doing. Congratulations on your baby

Given the fact you can see all of the things that were wrong with your childhood and that you care that your own children have better i think it is very unlikely you will turn out like your mother

I am no contact with my mother. She is not involved in my life or that of my dcs. I am NOTHING like her. Just because we share dna doesn't mean we will follow our parents paths

If i were tou i would simply ignore your mum and sister. You definitely wont turn out like them dont worry

Congratulations on your pregnancy 😊
You have good insight into how abusive your Mother is which means you can go into being a Mum really self aware.

I know many people with abusive parents, me included and we have all managed to break the cycle and are nothing like our parents. You will too.

Bit of a gentle warning, it can be a bit painful when you have your own child to think how your were treated as you look at your child and don’t understand how a parent can do this. Takes a bit of time to process , well it did for me. Channel those emotions in a positive way if you can into parenting your child in the way you feel best.

Don’t put yourself under pressure to be perfect, good enough is the way forward. You won’t get everything right and won’t even if you go onto have more as each child is different and what works for one often doesn’t work for another.

9 months more and I have got both my 2 to adulthood. I have done a good job, my 22 year old tells me so ! Not perfect but good enough and am so much better than my Mother was. You will be too 💐

I felt like this when I had my daughter. I was even disappointed she was a girl as I thought maybe having a boy would help stop history repeating itself somehow. I still worry that she will feel about me as I felt about my mother - and she's 15 now! But we really don't have that relationship - the fear is just hard to shift.

But you are able to look at your behaviour, think about it and own it. Doesn't sound like your mam has ever done that. It makes all the difference. And you have the support of your partner and aunt.

Enjoy your child. No doubt your mam will be difficult but that's a seperate thing.

You won't turn into your mother, when it was your Auntie who mainly brought you up, stop worrying. Your baby will love you and you will love your baby and you have a loving partner to help too.

I'd try and back away from your mother/sister, I don't think they are adding anything to your life.

Congratulations on your baby, I'm sure you'll be a wonderful mum

Thank you all so much for the kind messages. I had thought about completely cutting my mam out of my life but as I said I'm close to my dad and he still lives with her.
My nephew is almost 13 and comes to me telling me what's going on with him and my sister and I help him through it like my auntie did for me. I do it all without saying anything negative about my sister. I taught him to cook too so he can look after himself and his younger sisters when his mam stays in bed. But warned him not do anything unless his mam is in the house, for safety reasons. Their dad doesn't live with them.
I had thought about therapy before, if I still have fears when my baby is born I think I will definitely look at that.
I'm so glad to hear that other people have experienced this fear and it's brilliant to hear the your children have told you that you did a good job. I hope to have the same conversation with my future son/daughter.
Thanks again everyone, really appreciate you taking the time to answer me xx