C-section Friday- unprepared for baby

[Feelingrubbis]

Name change as I am a monster.

I’m currently 40 weeks pregnant and C section is arranged for Friday. The consultant planned to deliver baby boy at 38 weeks but I have put in back. The reason for this as I don’t think I want a baby on Friday.

The pregnancy was planned but I unexpectedly fell pregnant the first month and I was shocked to be upset and anxious by this. I continued the pregnancy as I assumed my feelings would change. I found out at 20 weeks baby is a boy and this added to my disappointment.

I don’t feel prepared at all, my DP is great but he has not been to any of my appointments or scans (Covid) so I have felt alone in this. I have also felt isolated as I have been working from home since February. In my last pregnancy colleagues were very important with the journey into parenthood as they celebrated my pregnancy and shared their wisdom. Due to the pandemic no one seems to remember or care I’m having a baby.

I don’t have a name and I haven’t really brought much for him. I just can’t imagine or see myself bringing a healthy baby home. I cry all the time as I know he is a blessing and he deserves better.

The pregnancy has been easy only he is small in weight.

Please help me feel happy about baby coming on Friday.

I felt unprepared for all of mine! Once you have a sniff of new baby head snuggled up back home all of these worries will seem very distant

Instead of beating yourself up think of a couple of things you want to do for you over the next day or so - however random - bubble bath with book (assuming you have help to get out again!), feet up and eat an entire packet of crisps with a block of cheese and no interruptions, make sure all of your biggest comfiest pants and joggers/nighties are washed and dry in the wardrobe for when you need them.

Small things to make you concentrate on yourself and just not think about anything else.

Next week there will be an extra snuggler in your house and it will be as if he has always been there. You will know his name when you see him (once the drugs wear off) and you'll remember that the thing about adventures is that never quite knowing what the plan is, that's how you know it's an adventure. He is right there in your tummy, tell him how you feel and give him and you tummy strokes - play him some music if you don't feel like talking.

If you can't sleep tonight and feel stressed then do your list, check your bag, make sure you have lots of pads, snacks, paracetamol etc then tell yourself you have done all you can do and lie down and rest. He is lucky to have a mum who loves him enough to worry, love yourself too - not long now x

Ok, firstly huge congratulations.

I think some of this is normal, having a baby is life changing and will we ever really be ready. Probably not.

I had second baby December and being pregnant during this time has been very different and difficult. I didn't see my best friend at all and still haven't! No visitors either.

With my first baby I didn't buy much and didn't ever see me taking her home. We waited 24 years for her and had been told it wouldn't happen. I think I went into denial and was very shocked when it finally happened.

Have you done your bag? For you I recommend peppermint tea for trapped wind. Baby, it helped me to pack vest, sleep suit and pop into a sandwich bag easy to grab together. Lots of threads on bag packing to help with how many etc.

This time I loved every minute of my section and stay and would do it again now. The recovery was easier by far. Up and walking by after lunch.

Is this your second, I am reading that right? Second often less celebrated anyway, so I wouldn't take that one personally. I realised last week my secretary of fifteen years hasn't even sent a message! Just not on her radar.

Concentrate on you and your little family. I tried to focus on enjoying hospital as it was the only time I would be alone with baby, second girl. Without sibling. No nursery or anything running here.

I think once that wee one is with you and you see him that's all that will suddenly matter. No time to worry about the rest.

14 yearsfelt like 24

First of all you're not a monster, you are a woman about to give birth during a pandemic.

I didn't prepare for DS. I was entirely convinced I would never bring him home. If it hadn't been for DH I don't think he would even have had anywhere to sleep. I also didn't want a boy.

Once you see him you'll feel differently, I say that as someone who didn't get the "rush of love" right away but I liked him and he was cute and I was glad he was mine. I grew to love him fiercely but it didn't happen all at once.

Focus on what needs done imminently and make a list. They need so little at the start, everything else can be bought as an when you need it.

I totally get it! This is normal! Don’t feel like a monster!!!! I’m pregnant too during all this and it’s so so different and scary in a pandemic!

oh bless you, it's a funny time and everyone feels out of sorts and you're about to have a life changing event. You're not a monster and you don't need loads of stuff or to have picked out a name months ago.
Make yourself of what you really need for hospital and when you first get home. If there's anything you need you should be able to pick most things up at a supermarket today or tomorrow. Also get yourself some easy to prepare food or ready meals for when you first get home and some nice treats to put in your hospital bag. You'll be fine!

You're not a monster no-one is ever truly ready as it's the most life changing thing that will ever happen to you, albeit wonderful. Like pp have said, there's not much you actually need for a tiny baby. Somewhere to sleep and something to sleep in, clothes, nappies and wipes, muslins, formula if you're planning on formula feeding are the absolute essentials.

And for you, things for your C-section recovery I'd recommend are: very large, stretchy knickers (a multipack from the supermarket a few sizes up is perfect), plenty of maternity towels, a big snuggly nightie or very loose PJs, slippers for the hospital, headphones so you can watch/listen to stuff late at night while you're up with the baby. The first few days can be a bit tough but take all the medication they offer you and be gentle with yourself and you will be just fine.

You will be fine wishing you lots of luck for Friday and an unmumsnetty hug

Also- let your DP do as much as possible. You will need to rest and recover, and take breaks and naps alone, not just with the baby. Let him run around after you and change all the nappies etc! Then you can concentrate on recovery, Netflix and cuddling

You are NOT a monster!, think about it, right now WE ALL have a heightened sense of anxiousness, fear and impending doom and I should imagine that coupled with being pregnant is a bloody lot to handle.

I am so sorry you (and any other pregnant woman) are not having an easy time right now, this should be such a happy time for you - wait till you get that baby home, turn off the news and just cherish him and yourself in your own little bubble - it will come good!

Hi OP, I could t read and not comment.

You are anxious, you're definitely not a monster!

I feel I resonate strongly with you. My second pregnancy was similar in that I fell on the first try, my DH couldn't attend my scans due to his work, I had to have regular extra scans due to his small size and my being underweight. I felt I was more focused on my DD and running around after her. I didn't buy a single thing for the baby and I didn't even care that I went 2 weeks overdue as I just couldn't get my head round the fact he was coming! I was almost in denial.

Of course he did come (my DH couldn't attend the birth due to childcare options collapsing, so it was a bit unexpected giving birth alone, but actually it was a great positive experience), but the moment I got home I felt like he'd been with us forever. He was an easy baby, I somehow remembered to do the newborn stuff I had been worried i had forgotten about (4 yr gap!) and it felt more relaxed.

I'm not going to trivialise your worries, they are valid feelings, but I just wanted you to know that I felt that way too 13 years ago and it turned out ok. Self doubt can be a terrible thing that eats away at us, so Please, don't bottle it up, let your midwife and DP know if you are struggling. I hope it all goes well on Friday, I wish you all the best

Thanks all for the replies. It’s lovely to hear that others have felt similar as I don’t think I can talk to anyone about this in RL. I think being pregnant in a pandemic is not helping matters. I can’t control the current situation but I can get myself prepared. DP and I are going to the supermarket today and tomorrow to ensure we have all babies stuff and I have now got my hospital bag ready.

It’s a big life change and I am sure I will fall head over hills when his here x

I have SO many baby boy clothes and bits if you want them? PM me.
I literally have hundreds of baby clothes up to.size 6-9 months if you want them.

Why the 'disappointment' at having a boy??!

Nice update OP and well done on getting everything ready. I can't imagine how stressful it has been trying to grow a human mid pandemic, it is difficult at the best of times!

Remember to take a bump photo and before and after family photos. Would love to coo at new baby pics on the thread if you feel like it too

My only boy wisdom to share is remember to keep the willy covered during nappy changes to avoid fountain effect, something about the cold air I think!

Good for you OP enjoy your lovely baby boy when he arrives tomorrow. I know it's a cliche but they change so very quickly

Hi OP, just wanted to wish you and your baby well if you see this I hope you are doing well and recovering ok x