Narcissistic sister stealing my childhood

[calamityjam]

Not sure I need a solution to my issue, I suppose I just need to vent.
Dsis has always displayed symptoms of narcissism. I'm not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, so I can only describe her as having a complete lack of empathy, as well as having an inflated sense of superiority to everyone. She is massively attention seeking and thinks that her alcohol problem is highly amusing. During lockdown, her Facebook addiction has got worse. She openly describes herself as a Facebook influencer and posts every passing thought on there. The latest issue involves her posting about her childhood. She describes her favourite movies and pop stars, her fashion and activities during the 80s. The thing is that she is describing me and not herself. Everything she posts is my life. She's younger than me, so she was actually too young to have experienced most of it anyway, but that doesn't seem to matter to her. This is a new one for her but she has form for blatantly lying on social media. Previously she has repeatedly told everyone that the business we both run on behalf of our parents is hers. She tells everyone she alone owns it and makes out I'm an employee of hers. It is made worse by the fact that she friends requested all my friends so everyone sees these posts. I don't really speak to anyone to tell them any different. She also posts about how difficult and unfortunate her life is to garner sympathy and lies about how shitty everything is in her life. She treats our family appallingly and constantly takes without giving back. My parents practically raise her 2 youngest dcs. Sorry about the long post. I just wondered if anyone else has ever experienced any of this, and if so, how do you deal with it?

Why do you need to use the same social media platforms as her?

Why do you need to engage with her she much in real life?

Minimise your contact with her. She won't change her behaviour but you can change how you respond to her.

Thanks for your reply. Unfortunately I work with her running the family business. After reading your comment I found out that I can snooze her on Facebook and she won't realise. That will help Thankyou

You need to seriously step away from her.

Unfriend her on social media and make sure your privacy settings are set so she can't see your posts and friends lists.

Distance yourself from her IRL too, see less of her and just generally, take a step back.

You could be describing my SIL who incidentally DH (her DB) absolutely hates

We are extremely low contact with her & in all likelihood when FiL passes on will likely have zero contact

DH gets by by ignoring her and everything she does, he deleted his SM accounts because he was so sick of her and her batshit behaviour

I’m sorry OP, everyone makes out that sibling relationships are the best thing but in cases like yours (and DH’s) they clearly aren’t

Just read your other post.

I would still suggest you unfriend her to stop her adding all of your friends. Snoozing her won't put a stop to what she's doing.

My sister stole my childhood because my parents made no secret of the fact that she was the preferred child. Fair enough she was very pretty and I was a plain kid. The only one who stood up for me was my grandmother, who pointed out that plain kids can make the best of themselves with the right clothes, make up etc.

My sister consolidated her position by mean little tricks, lying and snitching. She got me many a battering when we were kids. When I later taxed her with it she denied it, and so did my parents. They tried to say the family was short of money and they treated us equally. All I can remember is that any time I wanted to go on a school trip that would cost money my sister "needed" something and no prizes for guessing whose needs prevailed. When I began work every pound that I gave my mother for my "keep" went onto my sisters back. I can remember the day I told my mother I would be moving out. How are we going to manage without your money.

Sneaky snoopy sniper
My dsis also took all my parents attention. Different reasons though. She is very manipulative and had to have every ounce of energy they had. She went from one drama to the next which lead to me constantly being overlooked. I'm sure they don't have a clue about anything I did after she was born. I basically brought myself up. Even now, I don't feel I have a right to go to them with any problems I might have for their advice as they have enough on their plate with her.

Lockdown might not be the time to do this but I'd be looking to get a job employed by someone outside of this family dynamic. Aka dropping the rope.

As Love51 said you need to find a way to leave and get a job outside the family business.

If her narcissistic traits are that strong the only way to minimise her impact on you is by having as little contact with her as possible. This will also mean less contact with your parents who have enabled her to be so entitled. You may have to move anything from 20 to 200 miles so she knows nothing at all about your day-to-day life.

Also if she is posting fake false memories about a time period she didn't live through, there is nothing stopping you giving her minor bits of misinformation.

Completely agree with @Love51, start putting feelers out for a job outside of this unhealthy family dynamics, maybe even look into branching out on your own, depending on what kind of industry you are in. I'd probably use your current situation as a spring board if at all possible. Don't fall into the trap of being in some kind of bitter martyr role. If your parents have been as unfair and overlooked you in childhood and put her first, then be very wary and careful that you won't end up getting shafted later on with your inheritance and the business. Are you 100% sure about the real ownership and that your sister hasn't perhaps been given shares, deeds or other parts of the business in secret? I used to be a massive people pleaser and agonised over people walking all over me. I learned eventually to safeguard my own interests. For example, I discovered that so-called friends were ripping me off in a joint-venture which was my brainchild, my contacts and very much down to my crreative work. I could have fought them for the money stolen out of the business etc and try to remove them from the initial company but that would have cost me massive stress and money. Instead, I slowly prepared my exit and set up a new sole company, taking my equipment, copyrights, contacts and clients with me. If your parents disadvantaged you in a very grossly unfair way, I'd think very hard about remaining in this situation.

Sounds similar to my sister. It used to really upset me. But now I just think how sad. She’s obviously so unhappy in her own life she try’s to morph into yours. Take a giant step back it was the best thing I ever did.

Don't you ever pick her up on it? Like, say to her "No, you liked X band/singer, it was me who liked Y"?

Apart from working together I could have written this post! My sister is exactly the same.... exactly. Two years ago I took the decision to really distance myself from her- she treated our parents despicably and I was fed up of her superiority. I deleted and blocked her on social media and minimised contact to that absolutely necessary. I feel so much freer and happier.

Ex Dh (dx with covert npd) used to do similar. He would appropriate my childhood stories. I found it scary and confusing. Seems it’s quite a common thing though.