"Why do men use Mumsnet?"

[KennethBakeOff]

Inspired by a poster questioning a male poster on another thread as to why he was on Mumsnet, this got me thinking.

For Me: Male, a father to a daughter, a husband to a wife, brother to several sisters, uncle to various ages of nieces and son to a mother.

Also father to young sons (important)

I first came to Mumsnet to search for advice when fatherhood was on the horizon, huge amounts of good advice on that front, then progressed to the wider forums. Parenting is still my primary purpose for being here.

Some of it has just been in the aid of procrastination, some fantastic pointers to music, literature and debates on the wider issues of the day. The mental health forums on here have also been enormously helpful.

Most important has been able to view masculinity through the lens of women. Toxic or otherwise it's helped (I hope) to alter my perspective and behaviour, certainly having reflected on some of my behaviour when younger. Hopefully it's helping me to change for the better across the board, particularly where I can look to influence my sons and nephews.

Like anywhere on the internet, extreme views can flourish but by and large the debate is healthy. I can however completely understand why many posters will feel threatened by masculine perspectives here.

This is asked a lot. There's loads of reasons. Good and bad.

I did wonder myself
When there’s a dadsnet

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/dadsnet

Very true.

I have actually suggested to my DP that he should give it a go! He is very involved in our DDs upbringing, just as much as me. We like debating and thinking about what bedtime is best for DD, when should be start doing routine, how will we ween etc. I told him there are some really interesting points on MN and I quite often read threads to him that I find funny or ridiculous or whatever. Lots of threads on MN have nothing to do with being a mum and are just interesting!

I'm well aware of a lot of the bad reasons, and they are part of why I started this thread. Full disclosure; I read the sex board and occasionally contribute but I wouldn't see it as a potential dating service

There are trolls of all manner, no doubt a lot are driven by some form of misogyny and clearly parts of this forum get hijacked by extreme views espoused by a vocal minority.

I suppose I'm trying to accentuate the positive where I can and maybe get pointed towards further constructive discussion. We all know where many of the Tossers reside and what attracts them and the reactions they are looking for.

Avoid AIBU/Relationships and the Sex Topic is a good idea.

I don't have an issue with men using Mumsnet........if I'm whinging about a man a male perspective is always useful.........and in all honesty most of the spitefulness and going back and forth with nastiness towards posters who are clearly vulnerable comes from women.

I do however think some (( female )) posters can become very territorial over the boards........I think they probably spend too much time on the internet in general and would be doing themselves a massive favour if they sought to enhance their life outside of gazing at a screen looking for things to get hysterical over.

And yes, I know there's a dadsnet for men to use.......but let's face it this forum has a lot more traffic. We're all struggling with parenting and the stress that brings to relationships.......getting snarky with somebody for asking for help with that or trying to offer advice just because their male is just pathetic.

Unless males announce it/have it in their username or make some reference to it nobody would have a clue they are male anyway. It's just people on the internet.

There's a lot of male posters and I really like some of their posting styles & comments. I don't think they should only be 'allowed' to post on dadsnet, any more than I think older posters should only have to post on Gransnet.

Anyone can post anywhere, for some reason Dadsnet isn't very busy-do Dads not want to talk to other Dads?

Not long til @Pigletjohn gets a mention.

I'm a childfree Mumsnetter so also don't fit the 'Mum' criteria although I am female.

People choose forums that interest them - it's as simple as that.

MUMSNET for parents for parents

Doesn't say women.

From the look of dadsnet its not used much. If you're looking for parenting issues then male or female is immaterial.

It's not only for mums, so I don't see anything wrong with it. I really don't think about if the poster is male, female, old, young etc, unless it was stated by a poster themselves.

Off topic, but this:

Father to a daughter, a husband to a wife, brother to several sisters, uncle to various ages of nieces and son to a mother.

Reminded me of Gladiator!

@tanstaafl

I don’t have a problem with it per se, but it’s INCREDIBLY annoying when posters start off by saying “man here” or “man speaking” .

I can see why people do have a problem with it though, as rightly or wrongly mumsnet is a female dominated space and I can see why people get annoyed with men being determined to join in —and often try and make it all about them—

I don’t know why anyone would have an issue tbh. There are trolls all over the internet plenty of them being female. And as pp said lots of the nastiness and spite on this forum is from women towards other women.
It’s nice to get a male perspective now and again anyway. I had some useful input from a man on the relationship board once.

@Sparklingbrook

Avoid AIBU/Relationships and the Sex Topic is a good idea.

Disagree with this. I think mumsnet is for all and is better for it.

My DH has just discovered mn to my horror. He looks at the discussions about houses and property sales at the moment but I'm worried that's just the gateway and soon he will be posting on AIBU in the middle of the night...

I didn't mean men should avoid it @Affor The OP asked to get pointed towards further constructive discussion so I was merely signposting which topics where you won't get that.

The sex topic is full of men ready to give their salacious opinions, which is grim to say the least.

@BooFuckingHoo2

I don’t have a problem with it per se, but it’s INCREDIBLY annoying when posters start off by saying “man here” or “man speaking” .

I can see why people do have a problem with it though, as rightly or wrongly mumsnet is a female dominated space and I can see why people get annoyed with men being determined to join in —and often try and make it all about them—

I would agree with that. Unless someone has specifically asked for a male point of view. That meme of the man opening the door comes out regularly when that happens.

I have a DH, DF , DB and two DSs, work with a lot of males so I am ok for male viewpoints in RL.

Because so many men cannot allow women to have even a small piece of space just for themselves.

Of course, you don't know who people are behind a screen so it shouldn't matter should it? But men on here nearly always seem to have to have something in their username to point out that they're male. Or they announce it immediately. Because they are used to that giving them status over women, and they can't stand it not to be known.

Basically, don't say you're a man and it's fine and no one knows and that's that. But so many men can't seem to manage it.

@CausingChaos2

The sex topic is full of men ready to give their salacious opinions, which is grim to say the least.

Yes, with alarming detail.

I can however completely understand why many posters will feel threatened by masculine perspectives here.

See I can't understand that at all. It's a chat forum not a physical meeting group.

Also, a lot of trolls begin their threads with "Man here" etc and I strongly suspect a lot of them will be women on a wind up - trying to get people frothing as trolls do.