How would you have dealt with these situations assertively?

[Completelyunassertive]

I'm really poor at assertiveness and need to improve, but I keep stewing on some recent things that have happened to me and wonder how those of you that are assertive would have dealt with them?

1. Had a carpet fitter (subcontracted from a national carpet chain) come to fit a carpet whilst I was home alone. He was very pervy the whole time he was here and kept telling me explicit details of sexual encounters he'd had, making filthy innuendos about me/towards me and worst of all kept trying to show me photos on his phone and leaving on me when doing so, completely encroaching on my personal space. I felt totally violated when he'd gone and felt quite vulnerable whilst he was here. On the other hand I didn't dare say anything in case he stormed out and didn't fit the carpet and made me out to be unreasonable.

2. I very regularly go to a local store to post parcels for mine and DH's business. Most staff are really nice there but one woman makes it clear she does not like me. She's very nice and polite and chatty to other customers but does not like me and is rude to me. The other day I went into the shop and she was at the till speaking to a man who also works there. When she saw me she looked at me, whispered to him, then they both looked at me and burst out laughing then when I got to the till she patted him, said 'I'll leave you to it' and walked off. I didn't say anything but wish I could think of a way to deal with how she is with me.

3. I was in the local supermarket and was pushing a trolley when my ankle gave way and I stumbled noticeably (ankle is weak after breaking it years ago). Two lads stacking shelves both laughed loudly at me, which I thought was fucking rude! Luckily I didn't totally fall as I was pushing the trolley. I didn't say anything as this particular supermarket has signs up at the moment saying no one is to be rude to staff and anyone who is rude to staff will be 'reported and banned', and I really don't fancy a ban as it's only down the road from me.

How would you have dealt with these situations?

I am a pretty assertive person but nevertheless I would have struggled to say anything at the time in the first scenario for fear of making it worse. But it is completely unacceptable and I would absolutely complain to Head Office and ask how they intend to handle it without him knowing you are the one who complained

2 I would probably go somewhere else just l because I don’t like giving my custom to people like that

3 I would probably let go. They were rude but perhaps young and immature? One day they will realise that

1, I would have asked him to leave, reported to boss if he's not a sole trader. Worry about getting the carpet fitted later.

1. I think is probably your imagination, unless you know of a reason she wouldn't

like you.

1. Non event. They were very immature, I'm sure you've laughed unkindly at someone somewhere in your youth. I'd have forgotten all about it by the time I got to the end of the isle.

#1 I’d have gone into a different room and possibly hinted that my husband/mother/friend will be over any minute can he shout if he sees their car pull up. I’d possibly complain later but OP don’t feel bad- making you feel powerless is exactly what these guys have spent years perfecting. It’s not you, it’s very much them and whatever got you through that situation don’t beat yourself up that you weren’t more assertive- he’s the dick for crossing those lines and not being perceptive.

2# I’d delight in seeking her out and being super super nice and chatty and wasting loads of her time whenever I was in there as she is the disempowered one and can’t actually be openly rude to me (used to do this with a grumpy twat at work who hated I’d got the job over his mate, forcing him to make small talk made him avoid me!)

3# They’re just kids I wouldn’t sweat it but I also wouldn’t worry you’d get barred for saying ‘Oi don’t be mean!’

3. You could have asked at the customer service desk to speak to the manager and make a complaint. They are a pair of immature arseholes

You could have really hurt yourself. I would have suggested they have MORE Health and Safety training. No other reason than though necessary - who enjoys it?!!!

The second two I would ignore. The staff are obviously immature and have nothing better to do.

The first one, personally I would email the employer and CC the police. I don’t think it’s an overreaction to what amounts to sexual harassment. This man is very bold and way, way beyond his boundaries. He probably gets a sick thrill out of making women feel uncomfortable.

With 2) and 3) I'd have just ignored them. With 1), I would have told him I didn't want to hear what he was saying. I would have said "No more talk like this, thanks". Not please, but thanks. This is more assertive because it assumes compliance rather than begging for compliance.

But the onus was on him not to be a creep, not on you to deal with his creepiness, so you should complain if you want to and give yourself a break.

1. "This is highly inappropriate and you're making me feel uncomfortable in my own home. I want you to pack up and leave now." Straight on the phone to the company to tell them what happened. He shouldn't be given access to people's homes.
2. Go to another shop if possible. If not, ignore. I don't really care if someone working in a shop is whispering about me.
3. Are you sure they were laughing at you? Either way, I'd be annoyed but move on. Life seems too short and I'd rather keep my powder dry for people like Pervy Carpet Man.

1. "That's not appropriate, I don't want to see that, I want you to get on with your work" then contact the company afterwards.
2. "Is there a problem?"
3. "It's not funny and I don't like being laughed at"